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Old 11-01-2002, 04:14 PM   #1
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Thumbs down Desperate For Advice

ok, its like this: i have a step daughter that is 7 years old. I dont want to post this in parenting because most of them there aren't borderlines. This is more like a Borderline issue. Well, I am looked down on by my inlaws and my hubby because I am not mother of the year to some other woman's kid. I don't have any childen. I always made sure I didn't bring a child into this world, being ill as I am. I wanted to wait until I got the sufficient amount of help for myself. This is the first marriage for both of us. We have been married almost 2 years. The problem is I get jealous of the kid because my hubby is giving her my attention and that angers me. It makes me feel like the girl is the "other woman." It angers me. I cringe at the sound of his daughter's name. I also get angry because my mom in law makes these stupid comments like,"Chris(my hubby) is going to lose his daughter if he doesn't spend more time with her." Those comments **** me off because they act like she's got it so bad. They know what kind of childhood I had and it insults me that they dramatize the child situation. Ok, they know I have serious problems and they blame me. I hate I can't be mother of the year, but I do what I can to survive and to my capabilities. Everyday life is a struggle for me as it is, and they add more and more stress by blaming me for being screwed up. I even feel guilty about posting my feelings about this situation becaus eof the backlash I am sure many will give me. People are so worried about the kids. Why the hell couldn't anyone worry about me when I was a kid and had real serious abuse going on? Noone cared but everyone is quick about protecting on stupid things. I had zero protection as a child and even now. Noone ever backs me up or is supportive, they just all blame me. So basically I am jealous of the affection his kid gets from his family and him and of the kid's childhood. I really need some coping skills or advice. Please no one respond to me in a mean way. I am very sensitive. I just need support, not torn down further.

Also, I have no contact with my family even though my dad died last month. My hubby has a fit if I even talk to a sibling on the phone. So, only interaction I get is with his family. His mom lives 20 mins away, my mom lives 30 mins away(10 mins from his mom). He doesn't even let me talk about my family. long for a momma and try to get his mom to be a momma to me but she is hot and cold type. I need a mom, but can't get one even though mine still lives.
Okay, I'll shut up. Thanks for listening.
missmoody

 
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Old 11-02-2002, 04:22 AM   #2
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i am so sorry you are having such a hard time i am also sorry that i cant give you some great advice as to your daughter.

i dont know the situation with your family but if it is at all possible i think that you need to get in to contact with at least one member of your family you clearly need some support which you are not getting

are you seeing a therapist in any way shape or form? if not i think that is something else that could be of benefit to you a regular session with someone yoy can build a repore with will hopefully pull you though this

sorry i couldnt be of more help
if there is anything else dont hesistate to get in touch




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Old 11-02-2002, 04:36 AM   #3
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yes you are seeing a psychotherapist sorry my memory is not all that graet

have you tried talking to him/her about this?

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Old 11-02-2002, 04:13 PM   #4
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missmoody HB User
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Actually today while my husband was at work, I went and picked her up and went to the park and hung out at the house a little while after that. It was good today. Our relationship is always good until I get into one of my moods. I didn't get in a mood today and I actually had a great time. I just hate I can't be this way for her everyday. My illness does not give me that priviledge. I am hopeful today and hoping it can continue this way. This was just a little update for you. I was in a completely different mood when I wrote the original post. See what I mean, night and day moods.

[This message has been edited by missmoody (edited 11-02-2002).]

 
Old 11-06-2002, 04:05 AM   #5
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things seem to be looking up and as i am always told even though you cant be happy and have fun all the time just treasure the moments when you can

i am glad you both had a good day

keep me updated

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Old 12-05-2002, 11:20 PM   #6
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I wish that you wouldn't feel the need to be jealous of a little girl whose parents are divorced...

Maybe she could stay with someone else when you are in one of your "moods" as it is not fair to take anything out on her...

I also had a very rough childhood and then began to have children quite young and must admit to being a little jealous of the love and tenderness that my children were shown by my inlays...

However, in order not to perpetuate the unhappiness, we must put the children's needs above our own. Maybe too much is being asked of you? Make sure you get plenty of time for yourself and some with just your husband. Remember the kid is just a kid and is totally innocent. Good luck.


 
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