could my angry husband be bpd? help plz - Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill Message Board

river · 08-03-2003, 10:01 PM

I wonder if some of you can tell me if this sounds like bpd. My husband basically hates everyone. he is very unforgiving. will hold a grudge forever! He has extreme road rage. and says vile awful things when he is raging at someone/something. He is usually very sweet and sensative and loving towards me. But can turn at the snap of a finger on most anything else. It's a very ugly thing to hear and see and I can't take the drama. I want to get him help and he is willing but I'm trying to do some research.. help plz

Asenath · 08-06-2003, 07:27 AM

It is rare for Borderlines to even get to the point of marrying someone. People with BPD (myself for instance) have major interpersonal problems. They don't trust others, have a tendancy towards depression and/or schizoid (cold) behavior, and are serial substance abusers. The substance abuse comes from the need to feel "altered."

Just holding a grudge or flying into frequent rages does not qualify. It sounds like an anger management problem, and perhaps something else as well. Maybe something is bothering him, and he cannot express it. When men hate people, it usually comes from a sense of insecurity. An insecure person feels "threatened" all the time.

What does your husband do for a living? is he happy with his job? What about the home life?

river · 08-07-2003, 05:10 PM

He works here and there, no where specific, while I put him through school to be a college professor. And I have never known him to be happy with any job for any length of time. He smokes pot daily.

river · 08-07-2003, 06:29 PM

He also has a history of very unsuccessful relationship attempts. We have been married going on five years and he's pretty proud of that. But, I have never been around someone so, mean. I tell you the words he spews are just hateful and he takes great risks on the road, I hate to ride with him, I fear for my life. He hates 50% of our neighbors for their incosiderate ways (blasting stereos at anytime day or nite for instance) and after asking once nicely to turn it down, if they dont, it's war, and he is not concerned at all about pay back. I on the other hand, am. We are not in the best neighborhood and I wouldn't put it past someone to get back at him/us by keying the car or smashing a window, but he doesn't care, being right is all that matters, regardless of the consequence. I am a patient woman but I feel like I am the only adult in this relationship while my 6'8" husband gets to have giant adult sized tantrums. And I just don't know what will help. I figured it was more than just an angry guy, because he admits, if he gets to "that point" he can't control it, his face gets red, he snarls and shakes. it's a sight.

Asenath · 08-08-2003, 12:29 PM

You need to sit him down and have a long talk. Tell him that his tantrums are juvenile, and that he needs to start behaving like an adult.

Does he currently teach at a college? Is he frustrated about his academic career? I know that becoming a college professor is extremely difficult and frustrating.