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Old 01-27-2005, 10:08 PM   #1
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Any ideas on how I can help my BF?

I'm worried about him, and want to help him. I do a fairly decent job of it already, but sometimes I don't know what to do.

He had a horrid childhood, parents always fighting, dad drinking, his dad was abusive to him at times, and I'm guessing his dad was that way to his mom as well. He says some of his worst memories include watching his mom cry, and not being able to stop the crying. He says he never had a happy holiday cause of the fighting.

He's naturally soft (....the general population would call him a pansy and wonder if he was gay if he didn't stare at girls so much...), and has a suttering problem. I think he has a learning problem too, because he just can't read. He can, but he doesn't understand what he read. He told me he spent a year reading the first chapter of a book over and over and still didn't know what it was about. He's extremely shy, the shyest person I ever met. The first time he called me on the phone, he was like, "H-h-h-h-hi... *breathing* T-th-this.... this... hi this is v-vince..." Even though he'd known me for several months at that time. He seems to have most trouble when a word begins with an A or an St.

He also has a horrid temper. That's the only time I fear him is when he gets really mad. It doesn't happen too often, but when it does he's just not himself.

He says he has this disease.... he never told me the name of it. But he says that it affects him in the hot/cold way. Where if he gets too hot he faints easily, and that if he overdoes it on excersize type things he passes out. He says it has happened before, and explained what it felt like to faint. He says his mom says it's very common and a lot of people have it. But I don't know, it's just what he said.

He also says he can hear voices. He says they sound childlike and innocent and like whispers. But he can't really make out what they're saying much. Tonight he started saying he could hear bits of what they were saying. He said he could make out "Rivers Valley, Sorce Ponds, Tylen Lake, Doves". I searched the Tylen Lake thing on Google cause he asked, and I didn't find anything. I didn't do the others. He says they're always there, just sometimes they're low. I asked him the usual questions: Do they scare him (he got a bit upset and said he wasn't scared), do they tell him to do things (he said no), etc.

He flips out sometimes. Like, he's in a depressive, angry mood, and starts yelling and saying things that just aren't him! He sounds like a totally different person then. And once when he was yelling over the phone, he sounded exactly like Anakin does in Star Wars: Attack of the Clones when he's yelling about having killed the Tusken Raiders. You know the, "They're like animals! And I slaughtered them like animals! I hate them!" part. Cause he was saying something about hating people, I think his parents.

He's also suicidal, though I don't think he'd ever really do it, he does talk about it a lot. Less now than he used to. There were a few times I thought I'd lost him, and one morning I spent 15 minutes in the bathroom trying not to throw up cause I was scared I'd lost him. I read somewhere that the people who want help and don't really want to do it are the ones who keep saying they'll do it, and that the serious ones are the ones no one knows about till it's too late. I hope it's true.

He's also a bit freakish in paranormal stuff. He keeps saying weird things, like, calling everyone "mortals", and thinking he's somehow above everyone else cause "everyone's corrupted by the government, just slaves for them" and seems to think he's the only one who's good. Sometimes he says, "I'm too good for this world." And he gets very upset when I try to tell him he's normal like all the rest of us and he doesn't have some sorta power. He likes to think he's connected to the Force (from Star Wars), and that the Force is real and just another word for nature. But he only says things like that when he's upset.

We met on a Star Wars message boards, and are both very big fans of it. We started IMing each other November 2003, and started talking on the phone in February 2004. We have yet to meet each other, but he's already bought plane tickets to come and see me in April. He turned 16 in October, and I turned 18 just last week. I know a lot of people don't like online relationships, and some say it's a lot different in RL. But I have a feeling.... and we truly do love each other. He can sometimes be angry and mad and flip out and act freakish at times.... and in fact my mom warned me that I should leave him at one point and after that I stopped telling her problems we had. But at other times he's the sweetest most romantic, kind, gentle, nice guy I ever met. He's also submissive, loving the whole female domination thing. But when he's upset he's like a monster, not the sweet, kind, loving guy I otherwise know. I stay with him, even though he sometimes hurts me when he's mad (obviously not physically, and I know he could never do that, not even when mad. In the very depth of his madness if I start crying, suddenly he's all "Please, don't cry! don't cry!!!!" in a begging tone), I still stay with him because I know he's not always upset, not always depressed. I can help him, I know, I just sometimes don't know how. But I think if I stay with it and have hope he'll grow up and stop being depressed and pessimistic and upset.

He says my voice soothes him and heals him, calls me his angel cause I'm the only one who calms him down. So that's another thing I can hope in.

I guess I mainly just need a bit of help knowing what to do for him. I want to stop his upset and angry moods. He's very depressed a lot of the time, and sometimes I want to shake him and tell him that it is ok to be happy once in a while, but I know better. I just want him to be happy. His laugh, his real laugh not the fake one, is so..... joyous and happy and lighthearted and it makes me like I'm being invaded by love fluffies. But he doesn't really laugh too much, because he's so unhappy. I know that once we're together we'll both be happier. I suffer some too (mainly from sleeplessness. I take TylenolPM almost everynight, like it helps. Sometimes I'm awake two hours before I fall asleep, even if I took the TylenolPM (extra stength at that!) right away), but I'm not here to help myself. I'm strong, I can help myself through anything. I've always been my own psychologist and I'm fine with that. I just want to know how to help him. I'm doing the best I can, and pulling from every source of psychology I've ever read.

......now that this is nearly novel length I congradulate you on reading through it all. I'm sorry it's so long, I just wanted to provide as many details as I could. Again, I'm sorry. I just want to make him happy and stop his thoughts of suicide and help him with the voices especially. It seems every time he flips out and goes in a rage it's because of the voices.

 
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Old 01-28-2005, 07:01 AM   #2
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Join Date: May 2004
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Jess75 HB UserJess75 HB User
Re: Any ideas on how I can help my BF?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MibaWhiber
I'm worried about him, and want to help him. I do a fairly decent job of it already, but sometimes I don't know what to do.

He had a horrid childhood, parents always fighting, dad drinking, his dad was abusive to him at times, and I'm guessing his dad was that way to his mom as well. He says some of his worst memories include watching his mom cry, and not being able to stop the crying. He says he never had a happy holiday cause of the fighting.

He's naturally soft (....the general population would call him a pansy and wonder if he was gay if he didn't stare at girls so much...), and has a suttering problem. I think he has a learning problem too, because he just can't read. He can, but he doesn't understand what he read. He told me he spent a year reading the first chapter of a book over and over and still didn't know what it was about. He's extremely shy, the shyest person I ever met. The first time he called me on the phone, he was like, "H-h-h-h-hi... *breathing* T-th-this.... this... hi this is v-vince..." Even though he'd known me for several months at that time. He seems to have most trouble when a word begins with an A or an St.

He also has a horrid temper. That's the only time I fear him is when he gets really mad. It doesn't happen too often, but when it does he's just not himself.

He says he has this disease.... he never told me the name of it. But he says that it affects him in the hot/cold way. Where if he gets too hot he faints easily, and that if he overdoes it on excersize type things he passes out. He says it has happened before, and explained what it felt like to faint. He says his mom says it's very common and a lot of people have it. But I don't know, it's just what he said.

He also says he can hear voices. He says they sound childlike and innocent and like whispers. But he can't really make out what they're saying much. Tonight he started saying he could hear bits of what they were saying. He said he could make out "Rivers Valley, Sorce Ponds, Tylen Lake, Doves". I searched the Tylen Lake thing on Google cause he asked, and I didn't find anything. I didn't do the others. He says they're always there, just sometimes they're low. I asked him the usual questions: Do they scare him (he got a bit upset and said he wasn't scared), do they tell him to do things (he said no), etc.

He flips out sometimes. Like, he's in a depressive, angry mood, and starts yelling and saying things that just aren't him! He sounds like a totally different person then. And once when he was yelling over the phone, he sounded exactly like Anakin does in Star Wars: Attack of the Clones when he's yelling about having killed the Tusken Raiders. You know the, "They're like animals! And I slaughtered them like animals! I hate them!" part. Cause he was saying something about hating people, I think his parents.

He's also suicidal, though I don't think he'd ever really do it, he does talk about it a lot. Less now than he used to. There were a few times I thought I'd lost him, and one morning I spent 15 minutes in the bathroom trying not to throw up cause I was scared I'd lost him. I read somewhere that the people who want help and don't really want to do it are the ones who keep saying they'll do it, and that the serious ones are the ones no one knows about till it's too late. I hope it's true.

He's also a bit freakish in paranormal stuff. He keeps saying weird things, like, calling everyone "mortals", and thinking he's somehow above everyone else cause "everyone's corrupted by the government, just slaves for them" and seems to think he's the only one who's good. Sometimes he says, "I'm too good for this world." And he gets very upset when I try to tell him he's normal like all the rest of us and he doesn't have some sorta power. He likes to think he's connected to the Force (from Star Wars), and that the Force is real and just another word for nature. But he only says things like that when he's upset.

We met on a Star Wars message boards, and are both very big fans of it. We started IMing each other November 2003, and started talking on the phone in February 2004. We have yet to meet each other, but he's already bought plane tickets to come and see me in April. He turned 16 in October, and I turned 18 just last week. I know a lot of people don't like online relationships, and some say it's a lot different in RL. But I have a feeling.... and we truly do love each other. He can sometimes be angry and mad and flip out and act freakish at times.... and in fact my mom warned me that I should leave him at one point and after that I stopped telling her problems we had. But at other times he's the sweetest most romantic, kind, gentle, nice guy I ever met. He's also submissive, loving the whole female domination thing. But when he's upset he's like a monster, not the sweet, kind, loving guy I otherwise know. I stay with him, even though he sometimes hurts me when he's mad (obviously not physically, and I know he could never do that, not even when mad. In the very depth of his madness if I start crying, suddenly he's all "Please, don't cry! don't cry!!!!" in a begging tone), I still stay with him because I know he's not always upset, not always depressed. I can help him, I know, I just sometimes don't know how. But I think if I stay with it and have hope he'll grow up and stop being depressed and pessimistic and upset.

He says my voice soothes him and heals him, calls me his angel cause I'm the only one who calms him down. So that's another thing I can hope in.

I guess I mainly just need a bit of help knowing what to do for him. I want to stop his upset and angry moods. He's very depressed a lot of the time, and sometimes I want to shake him and tell him that it is ok to be happy once in a while, but I know better. I just want him to be happy. His laugh, his real laugh not the fake one, is so..... joyous and happy and lighthearted and it makes me like I'm being invaded by love fluffies. But he doesn't really laugh too much, because he's so unhappy. I know that once we're together we'll both be happier. I suffer some too (mainly from sleeplessness. I take TylenolPM almost everynight, like it helps. Sometimes I'm awake two hours before I fall asleep, even if I took the TylenolPM (extra stength at that!) right away), but I'm not here to help myself. I'm strong, I can help myself through anything. I've always been my own psychologist and I'm fine with that. I just want to know how to help him. I'm doing the best I can, and pulling from every source of psychology I've ever read.

......now that this is nearly novel length I congradulate you on reading through it all. I'm sorry it's so long, I just wanted to provide as many details as I could. Again, I'm sorry. I just want to make him happy and stop his thoughts of suicide and help him with the voices especially. It seems every time he flips out and goes in a rage it's because of the voices.
Please don't take this the wrong way, you may help him feel happier, but it will be very hard to help him professionally...and that's the kind of help it sounds like he needs. It sounds like you have deep empathy for this guy and you have that tendency to want to help others. I have the same desire of wanting to help people more than myself, and it is supposively a characteristic of being a "child of an alcoholic." Children of alcoholic's tend to be more caring of others and sometimes ignore their own help they need. I don't know if your affected by alcoholism, but I'm kind of confused on the questions you have. Are you wondering how you should go about helping him? You want to know how you can stop his upset and angry moods but it sounds like he has a lot of repressed anger due to childhood family issues that a professional will probably need to address. I'm sure you'll make him happy being with him though, and I do know how you feel.

I learned in psychology that sometimes the cause for children stuttering is due to the parents yelling at him and not giving him a chance to express himself. Also, it sounds like he may have some kind of mental disorder such as schizophrenia i.e, hearing voices, and thinking he's above everyone else are 2 major symptoms. I've also learned that in my abnormal psych class. However, I'm not a professional but I would check out the schizophrenia boards and also try to INFLUENCE him to get some help cause he probably has a lot on his chest that he needs to express and a professional is good at determining a diagnosis and treatment due to what he says.

And is the only way you communicate through writing and talking on the phone? Be careful!

Last edited by Jess75; 01-28-2005 at 07:09 AM.

 
Old 01-28-2005, 07:51 PM   #3
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Join Date: Jan 2005
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MibaWhiber HB User
Re: Any ideas on how I can help my BF?

Thanks for replying.

No, none of my family drinks, so that's not a problem with me.

I basically just want to help him get over his upset moods and depression, maybe get rid of the voices or help him so he isn't so affected anymore. I'm not a professional at all, but I can try to subtly ask if he would see one. I don't think I typed too well then cause I was really sleepy and posted that just before going to bed. I'm really tired right now, so don't mind if I don't make sense again. lol

I thought of skitzophrenia too, but someone else I know told me that skitzophrenia means you don't remember when you're flipped out, and he remembers it. But then I don't know much about it, so you could be right.

And, yeah, we only talk through phone and internet. Our parents trust each other, back in January last year my mom and his mom talked on the phone, and I got a chance to talk to his mom on the phone several months ago, and he's talked to my mom on IM (way too shy to talk on the phone).

 
Old 01-29-2005, 10:50 AM   #4
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Re: Any ideas on how I can help my BF?

I read more about it, and I think you're right about the skizophrenia thing. (I'd thought that was multiple personalities, lol, oops) I found a site that listed symptoms and all of them sounded like him to one degree or another (except hallucinations, he's never seen anything others can't see, but images do appear in his head randomly sometimes but he knows those are in his head).

I talked with him some last night, and he says his parents would think he's whining to get sympathy if he asked them for help.

Last edited by MibaWhiber; 01-29-2005 at 10:51 AM.

 
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