It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 03-27-2005, 04:42 PM   #1
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 118
SunnySmiles2u HB User
Arrow X-Boyfriend with BP II, and I still care for him

I am really having a hard time doing what I know would probably be the best thing. Here is my problem. My x-b/f started emailing me a few weeks ago and now he is calling me (and I answer b/c I want to talk to him). I do still have feelings for him, but I know that things cannot work for us. The main reason is that he is only currently being treated for depression because he denies that he has BP II. His doctor and family are unhappy with him b/c he quit taking his bp meds. He has terrible moodswings when he starts cycling. He has 6 week cycles and I know that if I end up in a relationship with him again, in the near future we will have problems again.

Right now he is doing well and he is the guy I fell for in the first place. He is really a great guy when he is himself. Because I care I answer when he calls. At first he said that he just wanted to be friends, but now he is not talking that way. Now the conversations have changed and he wants to come see my new place, wants to know what I am doing or why I was out late with my friends, wants to know what I think a dating relationship is and isn't, etc. I can tell that if I do invite him over to see my new place that we are going to be back together in a matter of no time b/c he has feelings for me (although he questions his feelings when he cycles).

He told me the other day that it hurts his feelings that I won't invite him over. I told him that I cannot have a relationship with him other than friendship and if I invite him over it could be a mistake. He said that all he wants is a friendship, but I am not stupid.

I really am struggling inside b/c I want to see him so badly and I wish that things could work out for us. I know how wrong it would be for me to see him again b/c I cannot take it when he cycles. He says horrible things and is not good to be around then. I keep praying that I will meet some really great guy so that I won't be tempted to take him back, but that hasn't happened. We have mutual friends and he knows that I am not seeing anyone.

I don't want to continue to have relationships that I end up heartbroken, but I somehow fall back into that pattern. I thought I was stronger and would be able to resist him if he started calling me again, but I cannot. I haven't wanted to go out with any guy who has asked me since we broke up, so maybe I am kidding myself. Maybe I am supposed to be with him and learn how to deal with his illness. I just want to be happy about who I am in a relationship with and not constantly wondering how he is going to feel about me from one day to the next.

I don't know if I should actually be on the relationship board or the BP board, so if anyone thinks I should start a new thread somewhere else, please tell me.

Somebody please give me some advice. I am really upset

NotSoSunnyToday

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 03-27-2005, 08:59 PM   #2
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 2
biz-e-mom HB User
Re: X-Boyfriend with BP II, and I still care for him

Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnySmiles2u
I am really having a hard time doing what I know would probably be the best thing. Here is my problem. My x-b/f started emailing me a few weeks ago and now he is calling me (and I answer b/c I want to talk to him). I do still have feelings for him, but I know that things cannot work for us. The main reason is that he is only currently being treated for depression because he denies that he has BP II. His doctor and family are unhappy with him b/c he quit taking his bp meds. He has terrible moodswings when he starts cycling. He has 6 week cycles and I know that if I end up in a relationship with him again, in the near future we will have problems again.

Right now he is doing well and he is the guy I fell for in the first place. He is really a great guy when he is himself. Because I care I answer when he calls. At first he said that he just wanted to be friends, but now he is not talking that way. Now the conversations have changed and he wants to come see my new place, wants to know what I am doing or why I was out late with my friends, wants to know what I think a dating relationship is and isn't, etc. I can tell that if I do invite him over to see my new place that we are going to be back together in a matter of no time b/c he has feelings for me (although he questions his feelings when he cycles).

He told me the other day that it hurts his feelings that I won't invite him over. I told him that I cannot have a relationship with him other than friendship and if I invite him over it could be a mistake. He said that all he wants is a friendship, but I am not stupid.

I really am struggling inside b/c I want to see him so badly and I wish that things could work out for us. I know how wrong it would be for me to see him again b/c I cannot take it when he cycles. He says horrible things and is not good to be around then. I keep praying that I will meet some really great guy so that I won't be tempted to take him back, but that hasn't happened. We have mutual friends and he knows that I am not seeing anyone.

I don't want to continue to have relationships that I end up heartbroken, but I somehow fall back into that pattern. I thought I was stronger and would be able to resist him if he started calling me again, but I cannot. I haven't wanted to go out with any guy who has asked me since we broke up, so maybe I am kidding myself. Maybe I am supposed to be with him and learn how to deal with his illness. I just want to be happy about who I am in a relationship with and not constantly wondering how he is going to feel about me from one day to the next.

I don't know if I should actually be on the relationship board or the BP board, so if anyone thinks I should start a new thread somewhere else, please tell me.

Somebody please give me some advice. I am really upset

NotSoSunnyToday

 
Old 03-28-2005, 09:08 AM   #3
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Saint Louis, Missouri
Posts: 169
Kahlia25 HB User
Lightbulb Re: X-Boyfriend with BP II, and I still care for him

First of all let me say that I am BiPolar. You cannot control what your BF does. If he refuses to believe that he has a problem, you are asking for problems. You cannot have a relationship with a person that is not on meds and delusional.....thinking that they are OK. He is reraching out to you, maybe for help and maybe because he knows how to push your butttons. You need to talk to people that have Bipolar issues as they can help you a lot better. They have been there and back. I hope you post on the BiPolar board and tell you BF that he needs to get help or you will not see him. It is like a JOLT of truth.......Kahlia
__________________
I have seen many things BUT the most terrible thing I have ever seen was the lack of compassion for another.....................Kahlia

 
Old 03-28-2005, 10:22 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bean Station, TN, usa
Posts: 2,190
mudhound HB User
Re: X-Boyfriend with BP II, and I still care for him

I agree with Kahlia. My wife had to know she needed help before she could recieve it.
__________________
God Bless

Mudhound

 
Old 03-28-2005, 12:40 PM   #5
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 52
Jovial206 HB User
Re: X-Boyfriend with BP II, and I still care for him

Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnySmiles2u
Maybe I am supposed to be with him and learn how to deal with his illness.
I know your pain, Sunny. My ex-boyfriend is also bipolar. See my thread "A Manic Episode?" for more details if you want. If things were different and he had been dealing with the illness we would probably still be together. If he was getting treatment and taking his meds like he used to, his disorder would not scare me away.

However, that is not the case for me, and that is not the case for you either, SunnySmiles2u. He has no business being in a relationship with anyone. Relationships are enough of an emotional rollercoaster.

You asked for advice. Stay strong and let it go. He's not ready, and you don't have time to wait for him to be ready. I know you love him, but this is the choice I think you should make.

 
Old 03-28-2005, 02:47 PM   #6
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 36
alexgranny HB User
Re: X-Boyfriend with BP II, and I still care for him

Hi, Sunny,
My heart goes out to you. I agree with all the previous posts. Until your boyfriend takes responsibility for his illness he will not be able to maintain a normal relationship. I am disgnosed bipolar II and it took me along time to accept it because I don't experience the manic episodes if bipolar I.
Right now it's time for you to take care of yourself. That means no more contact with your ex. Go out with your other friends (when he won't be there). Try to find a new hobby or group to get involved in. If a relationship with your ex is meant to be it will happen when he stabilizes. You can't help him with this. It's got to be his decision.
Take care and let us know how your doing.

 
Old 03-28-2005, 05:21 PM   #7
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 118
SunnySmiles2u HB User
Re: X-Boyfriend with BP II, and I still care for him

Thanks for your posts. I know you are all right in what you are saying. I would probably give the same advice to a friend if they asked me. Some days it just gets hard when I know he is there.

Here is the rest of the story. He was diagnosed about 1 1/2 years ago and the Dr. gave him meds for it. He just took them b/c the Dr. told him to. He would kind of laugh and say, "yeah, my Dr. thinks I have bp II." I don't think he ever really believed it. Then one day out of the blue he told me that he had quit taking his bp meds a month previous to telling me and that he had been off of his anti-depressants for a week. When I asked him why he said that he didn't really think he had bp and he wouldn't need his anti-dep. meds b/c he was with me and my happy disposition was all he needed. I told him not to put that off on me and to get back on his meds. That it is dangerous to be off of them w/o a Dr.'s supervision. In a matter of a week he crashed really hard and was more depressed than I had ever seen him. I called his family b/c he was suicidal (way out of my league) and they told me that he had done this before with his depression meds before he was diagnosed bp II. Anyway, he did end up taking his depression meds, but he was afraid to tell his doctor and therapist what he had done b/c he said they would be mad at him. He did tell them that he was not taking the bp meds. The Dr. tried to convince him, and so has his family, but it didn't work. He was doing okay for a while and then he started cycling again. We had a horrible break up. I asked him to speak with his Dr., but he wouldn't. He just laughed at me and said I was silly, there is nothing wrong with him. I just said goodbye and didn't speak to one another for a while. I was really surprised to get an email from him when that first started. I was doubly surprised to get the first phone call from him. Especially since I told him then that I wouldn't see him again until he gets help.

Now you would all think that after all of that there would be no way that I would even think about having a relationship with him again wouldn't you?

Kahlia, you are right. I know I cannot talk him into seeing his Dr. Since November when I first signed onto the boards, I have been reading and reading stories about people with bp so that I could understand it a little better. My friends don't understand b/c they don't have any experience with bp and I didn't either until this. I appreciate hearing from you all so that I will do the right thing especially in my weak moments.

Jovial you are right that I need to take care of myself. And I read your post a while back and a couple of other threads you started. Your story sounds very much like mine. Lots of stories sound so similar. It makes me sad b/c it is unfair when good people get diseases whether it be bp, cancer, diabetes, etc. I just have to remind myself that bad things happen to good people too.

Alexgranny I will try to do what you said and try to drop it and move on. I will try to be strong again.

I apologize that this is so long. For some reason I had to just get it all out and tell the rest of the story. Thanks for listening!

Sunny

Last edited by SunnySmiles2u; 03-28-2005 at 07:32 PM. Reason: A correction

 
Old 03-28-2005, 08:03 PM   #8
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 52
Jovial206 HB User
Re: X-Boyfriend with BP II, and I still care for him

No apology necessary, Sunny, for the length of your post. We're here for you anytime. Keep in touch!

 
Closed Thread




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



rosequartz (10), katlin09 (3), writeleft (3), Breezin (3), ladybud (3), rudiraven (3), Mihral21 (2), solofelix (2), multiplefriend (2), Stacey1970 (2)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1164), MSJayhawk (997), Apollo123 (898), Titchou (833), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (745), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:12 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!