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Old 04-25-2005, 11:11 AM   #1
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 236
angelblue65 HB User
Update and a couple questions

For those of you who offered your personal insight into what I was experiencing with my BF (regarding my last thread), I want you to know that it helped a great deal. This weekend, we had a wonderful and surprising open conversation about what he feels, thinks, etc. during arguments. The input I received from everyone here really helped me formulate more intelligent questions for him and I was better able to carry the conversation by bouncing things off of him that others here have experienced. (He knows I come to this board). It isn't often that he is agreeable to talking about his illness and if I fumble around with what I want to say or ask, it kind of misguides the whole conversation and it ends before I get a chance to learn anything. So a big thanks!

Ok, I do have a couple of questions. The first is what is everyone's opinion on alcohol consumption? We've been together over a year now and he's only had more than a couple of drinks (to get a buzz) on three occasions. There's no binging or hangovers and no seemingly repercussions. During the winter, neither one of us had any alcohol but now that the warmer weather is here, it's more of a social thing (when we go out to dinner). He tells me he had a serious problem with drugs and alcohol in his late teens/early 20's (he's now 35) and stopped everything on his own with no outside help. He's pretty remarkable in my book - when he sets his mind to doing something, he just does it. If it doesn't appear to be a problem, should I not worry?

The other question is regarding the rapid cycling of low's which he has a lot of but then again, even if he didn't have BP, it would be quite understandable considering what he's going through. Long story short - he got in a work related auto accident about 14 mos. ago. WC sent him to a hand specialist for knee surgery (this happened just before we met). I then urged him to see a better surgeon in the city, which he did. But it is still not healed and it is KILLING him to not be able to work. And it looks as though he will need a third surgery. He is definitely the type who loves to work and be productive. Anyways, because he has to be careful with what he does, he's limited in his activities. He sleeps alot during the day but then feels bad that he's "not getting anything done" around the house and is not motivated. I don't bug him about getting stuff done because I don't want to add any burden or want him to feel badly. At the same time, I don't coddle to him by doing all the housework either because that would be the co-dependent thing . So my question is this - is excessive sleep ok for someone with this illness and is it ok that I just leave him be? Or do I try to motivate him? It's so hard to not react to his lows but I know they are his and it's not my job to try to change what he's feeling. It's a fine line to walk - to not act out of co-dependency. Any input would really be appreciated!

 
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Old 04-25-2005, 12:47 PM   #2
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(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Minnesota, just moved from California where I lived my whole life.
Posts: 441
polarized13 HB User
Re: Update and a couple questions

Hi Angel,

You have some good questions, I'm not sure how to answer you really, there are a couple of things to consider. From what you said, I wouldn't think that he's an alcoholic. It sounds like he has that under control. However, alcohol can be a depressant, and if he's sleeping a lot, and he's lacking energy and motivation, he might be depressed. If he's got an injury though, and he's in pain, he might not be able to do much about it. It's still not as bad as some other things he could be doing...

Your second question is a really good one also, and hard to answer. Many people who have chronic pain problems end of suffering from depression. Sometimes I wonder which came first for me, both of my conditions were diagnosed right around the same time. I don't know what to tell you, just being aware of the problems may be enough to keep things under control. Sometimes, we don't even realize when were depressed, it takes those close to us to point it out, and it's a hard thing to deal with. I would think that gentle encouragment would probably get you the best outcome.

Just try and keep up the good lines of communication, and then you should be able to confront whatever comes your way.

Good luck~

~heather~

 
Old 04-25-2005, 11:48 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,146
analog2000 HB User
Re: Update and a couple questions

He might want to be careful about the alcohol. It doesn't sound like he is an alcoholic by any measure. But alcohol and certain psychiatric meds don't mix. Even if it is just a few drinks, alcohol can throw off his medication balance and/or increase the chance of side effects. Good luck to you both.

 
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