The last couple of weeks, all of a sudden my BF does not want to cuddle any more. We've even discussed this and he doesn't know why. He is otherwise very loving, he hugs and kisses me, and is not standoffish. It's just this one thing. He's either not feeling well, my body temp. is too hot (he's always said this from day one), or he's too hot which makes him uncomfortable. I know in the scheme of things, it's not a big thing but at the same time, it was the one constant that still existed. So many things have "gone away" due to his depression. Whenever I notice something, I'll think long and hard before approaching him about it because I want to make sure I word it in a way that will not make him feel bad. It's always the same. He first says there's nothing wrong, then he'll say it's part of the ebb and flow of a relationship, then he'll finally admit that something's "off" yet he doesn't have an explanation. This is coming from someone who LOVED to cuddle at night and when we woke in the morning. Sometimes, so much so on the weekends that I would have to really urge him to get up. But I always cherished it so I miss it.
Again, I know it's not a big thing but I was curious just the same if this is a typical reaction or if anyone has experienced this before.
When things "go away" due to depression (sorry, for lack of a better way to word it), do these things ever get remembered as something that was enjoyed once the depression lifts?
Location: Minnesota, just moved from California where I lived my whole life.
Re: Another Question
My guess is that it's probably a combination of things.
My husband who normally will humor me with my needed cuddle time will dodge me, and try and get out of it in the summer, my body heat is just too much. ( I can't help I'm so hot!! Just kidding)
Also, we do much, much less of it the longer we're together, mostly it's only when I ask for it.....after ten years I think that's normal ~
And also, as far a bipolar goes, I have times that I don't want to be around anyone, not even my kids, I feel bad saying that. But I just need time to myself, to be alone with my thoughts and decompress. I usually find that time either really early in the morning or late at night, the rest of the time it's the usual family chaos ~ which I love, I just need a break from sometimes.
I wouldn't worry about it too much. Relationships do have thier ebbs and flows, and although I wish sometimes things were still the way they were back when we were first together and in each others arms constantly, I know that isn't realistic, and things just change as you get older, and you've been together a long time.
It's nice hearing from you, I hope everything else is going along ok for you guys, and you had a nice holiday yesterday!
Last edited by polarized13; 07-05-2005 at 04:31 PM.
If I had my guess, being a guy I can think of a couple of things that might cause this. But this is a common complaint.
Like for instance, when its warm or humid, I hate cuddling, Men are usually warm by design, add another body and it gets uncomfortable.
Also if cuddling real close, it might be a bit claustaphobic, most woman cuddle on top of men and sometimes will lay on an arm, and it will get pins and needles and become, well uncomfortable, but we hold back in saying anything LOL, not to hurt your feelings.
Lastly, there are times when I just needed a little space, not space away from my love, but space between us. So I can be comfortable like I would be with a really close friend she is. I enjoy her company very much, but I don't want to be hung on all the time.
But never, never, did at any time did I feel that my love ever waned because I didn't want to cuddle. I think if you make it so its not a big deal, He will come around again, we like it too when we are in the mood. I think woman are just in the mood more often.
Thanks to you both for your insight. It has been much hotter lately and my BF hasn't been feeling well (possibly the meds - I"m not sure). I knew it wasn't personal so much as it just was hard to take.
It's just that it always amazed me because HE was the one who loved to cuddle so much sometimes not wanting to let me go in the morning and I got so used to it and how it became our routine that when that was broken, it was a shock I guess.
Again, not a major thing considering everything else that's going on but when two people share something on the same level and then one drops off, it's just plain hard.