Bipolar Wife?? - Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill Message Board

Eldo · 07-21-2005, 10:55 PM

I have been married for 4 years and after about 6 mo. she went into a depressive state. She came out of it very all of the sudden maybe a month into the depression. One day she was looking into getting a divorce and then the very next day she was my best friend. We never got any help because I felt that all was well because we were closer than ever afterward. Since then we've gone through a series of ups and downs (really high highs and really low lows with not much inbetween) in our marriage; however, I feel that I really haven't changed much. On Monday, she told me that she had never loved me and went to stay with a friend. It was very much out of the blue. I really didn't know much about bipolar disorder, but I remember her telling me that her mother was on medication for it. I did some research and it seems very obvious to me that she is bipolar. My question is ... how do I approach her about getting help? She really doesn't want anything to do with me right now (I have no idea why this is). Should I wait until she pulls out of the depression or should I push that we see a marriage counselor where hopefully bipolar gets brought up? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

mudhound · 07-22-2005, 05:47 AM

Hello and WELCOME to the board! I too have a wife that has BP. To say that it's rough is an understatement. We have been married for 20+ years. Read some of my past posts and you will see.

Eldo · 07-22-2005, 07:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mudhound

Hello and WELCOME to the board! I too have a wife that has BP. To say that it's rough is an understatement. We have been married for 20+ years. Read some of my past posts and you will see.

Thanks. I've read some of your posts and I seem to be going through very similar things. Was your wife diagnosed before you were married? What happened to make her realize that she had BP?

Good Grief! · 07-22-2005, 01:01 PM

My fiance, (we have been together 8/9 years) found out I was Bipolar at the same time as I. About 2 years into our relationship. We were both a mess for quite a while. Well, I am still pretty much a mess, but he's gotten MUCH better.

There were times that I knew he was miserable and it was, of course, my fault. Later, when the anger rolled in, I would do everything I could to make him want to throw in the towel, just LEAVE. Then there were times I would get justfiably (!?!) angry. He wouldn't let me be. I was SO tired. Just let me sleep. Go away. But he was constantly there, nattering away, like a little berserk bee who wouldn't take my requests seriously and just BUG OFF.

We have good days and we have bad days.

We came to an agreement. He would NEVER threaten to leave me in anger again. I would NEVER threaten to leave him again in anger. Everyonce in a while we add to the Rule Book... Such as my throwing days are behind me. Boy I miss 'em sometimes though.

Living with a BiPolar person, I assume, is as difficult as being one. Except as a loved one you have the choice (temptation) to walk away.

Its the fact that he had a CHOICE that finally got through to me. He CHOSE me and my condition. Once that sunk in for me it became a source of strength, pride a warm fuzzy.

Of course WITHOUT professional HELP I would have driven him away YEARS ago. He (sneaky rat) scheduled an appointment for HIMSELF with my GP. He talked to my GP for about an hour about what he saw, felt and feared. Now my GP could NOT discuss me openly without my consent but the GP took in all Michaels concerns and thought of questions he wanted to as me. Then my GP called me, scheduled an appointment for blood work (thyroid related) and when I came in, we talked. He told me that he thought most of my 'problems' were not 100% Thyroid related. He thought they were caused by undiagnosed BiPolar. He suggested (IRON FIST STYLE) that I make an appointment with Dr. So-And-So.

Thus began my education on WHO I really am.

It is a constant struggle for those who are BP and those who CHOOSE to be with us. But I believe it's worth it.

Michael finds books to read. An Unquiet Mind and A Brilliant Madness are two that helped him and I recognize my behavoirs in another person. A person who survives/ THRIVES and LIVES happily as a BP.

I have a tendancy to run on... So much to say.

Good Luck with your choice Eldo. Its not easy but then anything worth while is not easy.

Eldo · 07-25-2005, 06:44 AM

I don't plan on leaving. In fact she is the one that is trying to leave me. I just recently realized that bp was a possibility, so it has not been a topic of discussion. We had a great talk yesterday and I just flat out voiced my opinion that the way she has been acting has not been normal. I used tons of examples and I think she caught on. She realized that she has these huge up and down swings and her mother is bp, so she seemed to be more accepting that it could be a possiblity. Anyway, we have an appointment with a marriage counselor on Wednesday. We are going to see how that goes before we do anything.