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Old 08-01-2005, 06:00 PM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Grand Forks, ND, USA
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kewlgirl HB User
Bipolar and Motivation.......

My fiance has had mild bi-polar for over ten years. It's mild enough that he can get by without meds. He refuses meds also.

We just got approved for a mortgage to buy a new house and he is on SSD but we're having some financial difficulties.

Basically what it boils down to is he doesn't want to work....at all. He's self-employed in construction and he hasn't had a construction contract in over a year. I hear a lot of excuses and he's highly intelligent and very capable.

I'm having difficulty understanding because I work SO hard to pay the bills and it's like he doesn't even care, and hopes to rely on SSD and me to be the breadwinner and this bothers me.

He keeps talking big like "things will get better" but he still isn't trying. It's like he expects work to fall in his lap. He kept telling me he was putting out advertisements for work and it didn't happen. If he did try and wasn't getting work that would be one thing, but he hasn't tried.

His parents are very verbally abusive and tell him he's worthless because he won't work and they criticize his sleeping patterns because they are erratic due to his bipolar.

My parents don't understand and are warning me not to go in on a mortgage because if he can't help me support a family I'm going to get in over my head.

Although I love him with all of my heart part of me is embarrassed by his unwillingness to want to try for me and for a future family.

I'm almost to a point where I want to give him an ultamatum, where he tries for us, but my biggest fear is that he will do nothing and it will be over.

Any suggestions...I'm almost in tears here!!
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Old 08-01-2005, 07:46 PM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 3,336
Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Bipolar and Motivation.......

It is possible that he is trying to avoid the stress that a job can bring. Stress can trigger the highs and lows of bipolar disorder.
Some people with bipolar cannot handle a job. That's why there is SSD for the people with Bipolar Disorder who need it. If he does receive SSD for a mental illness there is a very real reason for it...

The question of course is whether you can deal with a husband who does not work a job like other people's husband.
I told someone once that if they are determined to marry someone with Bipolar Disorder they needed to have outside interests and excellent health insurance... I'm pretty sure I'd still give out that advice...

 
Old 08-03-2005, 05:22 AM   #3
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: s.f.valley, ca
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kimber lee HB User
Re: Bipolar and Motivation.......

Hey! If he wanted to work he wouldnt refuse the meds he should do all he can instread of watching his wife bring home all the money. And second, his parents know him better than you do , so if they are saying this to him, then they have a point They are probably fed up with his lazy ways and care about your well being. If his bipolar is so mild enough to get by with out meds, was he ever on meds? and for how long?, i am very direct so please forgive what i am about to say, dont marry him he will never change, and listen to your parents they are right. If you ever wanted to listen to your parents advice, then listen now and take it Does he have a SUBSTANCE ABUSE PROBLEM (THAT YOU KNOW OF), I HOPE YOU ARE WELL AND TAKE MY ADVICE, iM NOT SAYING I RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING BUT I THINK IVE HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD, you sound like a nice gal, take care, kimber lee

 
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