well this is a tough spot for you and i feel sympathy for all spouses to have to go thru the" just finding out about bipolar" because you are both going to be confused. As my ex husband took the brunt of the issue(mind you we are still very good friends)Your hubby may say things he doesnt mean so to prevent that , dont let it get to you, kinda turn it around in your mind to be half of what he means if that. and if he gets angry and has mood swings(is he on medication?) then change the subject and move on to something else. or dont give any feedback just listen to him. I really cantsay much because i dont know if he has started meds yet, i will be in touch, good luck, kimber lee
You say husband, so I am assuming you probably made some marriage vows, either religeious or not, that went along the lines of "in sickness and in health". Please remember those...not all sicknesses are physical, and just think that if it happened to you, you would want him to support you. It seems form reading many posts that wives dump husbands like disposable people when it's a MH illness. This hurts terribly, and at the worst time. None of chose to get a chemical imbalance in our brains, or did anything to create it- it just happens. Compare it to a car accident: injuries happen, healing by medical intervention may take a while, and there may be scaring or other long lasting damage, but life gets better. It seems to me too many people expect an instant fix, or dump their spouses too quickly.
Disposed of husband and father
i watched my father be as supportive of my mom as he could, and she is now very much stabilized and is living "normally"...man i hate to use that term. but all i can suggest is to be as supportive as you can. learning as much as you can about his illness will also help you prepare for his swinging moods. hang in there..
Life is a dance...treasure your good partners , and tolerate your bad ones.
If he's willing to talk about things when he's in a decent mood, try talking about how you both want your reactions to go when he gets into a down/angry mood. If he knows ahead of time how you're going to react, or how you're going to ask him to react it may diffuse any situations along the lines of "quit patronizing me" or "you don't know how I feel". Remind him that he agreed to work with you, not against you.
Try to come up with things where its not just you trying to calm him down, you're reminding him how he agreed that he'd try to calm himself down. Obviously this won't always work.
Madmac, I love my husband very much and have no intention of leaving him, he is a very loving, kind, beautiful person, but does have severe mood changes highs and lows very unpredictable. I do have difficulty understanding how to not hurt him, sometimes when I think I am being gentle and loving he seems get angrier.
Kimber lee, that sounds like a good idea to not give feed back just listen. answer to your question he is not on medication this last Sunday he nearly had a breakdown and for the first time I told him I thought he might be bipolar, he agreed to get help we went to doctor Monday and is scheduled to see a psychologist soon for an evaluation.
hopeful4you, thank you. i just dont have anything else to say in terms of good advice, but sometimes like i said before just listen and no feed back is good , alot of times us bipolar hear ourselves talk out loud that way and we answer our own questions, well good luck i know you care and you are trying, and one other thing it is so important that your husband understands about bipolar, get him on these health boards, this is the best support system i have ever seen, good luck , kimber lee
And one other thing, Your husband is a MAN, men have a hard time bieng at the mercy of anyone , he is going to feel guilty and you too, he is going to loose self esteem,probably his job,, (maybe). it is so hard to work bieng bipolar) one bit of advise, be a tough mama and be positive even if your not then start taking a tough approach, the kind and gentle loving ways that us women have can turn a mans stomach when there is something wrong, i dont know they feel babied or less than a man when we treat them like that i thing, we cant forget they are men THEY ARE THE BREADWINNERS(WELL THATS THE WAY MOST OF THEMN THINK and they wear the pants in the family for the most part. So let him feel like he is worthy and not a sickly person, and everything is going to be a grate big deal, so try to minimize the great big deal by telling him you understand even if you dont( the truth isnt always the best medicine, do i make sense? i hope so, well good luck kimber lee
Last edited by kimber lee; 08-11-2005 at 03:24 AM.