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Old 08-14-2005, 03:49 AM   #1
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EffieA HB User
Boyfriend is bipolar, help!

I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and I still can't predict his moods. Most of the time he can be very clingy, almost annoyingly so, calling an hour after I leave his house "to catch up", getting jealous and thinking I'm about to leave him over the slightest things and getting upset. Then suddenly he'll get really low and will avoid all contact with me, just spends hours on the phone to his brother and friends, and when he does see me he'll insult me, ignore me completely or complain that I'm too much work and he feels like he has to do everything for me. When he gets low I don't call him or go see him anymore unless he seeks me out, but even if he does call me he then acts really distant.

We've broken up twice before when he's in his really low periods, then got back together. I think we're close to breaking up again and I don't know what to do. I really do like him, but I'm sick of feeling like I'm going out with two people, and its making me feel like a toy to be put down and picked up again whenever he feels like it. Its just awful because most of the time he's really sweet, and I feel like I may trigger or at least increase his lows. Please help me, I don't know what I can do to help him.

 
Old 08-14-2005, 04:52 AM   #2
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Soniarose59 HB User
Re: Boyfriend is bipolar, help!

Effie,
This is not a relationship, it is his sickness. His illness is calling all the shots. This is not fair to you at all. As bipolars, we have choices, we can let the illness run our lives or we can get off our butts and do something about it. But the BP has to do it.
You are not causing his lows. Those come naturally. A BP can learn how to live with the highs and lows with someone in their lives. We don't get to pick and choose when that special person gets to make an appearance. If anything, he should be grateful you have stuck around.
But don't do this to yourself when it is abusive. I'm sure you have better things to do with your time. If you want to be a friend, that is one thing, but don't be an enabler.

 
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Old 08-18-2005, 04:00 PM   #3
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feelinglost HB User
Re: Boyfriend is bipolar, help!

I am in a similiar situation and can sympathize with you. I have been dating my BP boyfriend for a year and a half. I go thru the same thing you do with the ups and downs. My boyfriend reacts the same way when he is down. He is distant and wants his space. When he is not having an episode he can tell me that he actually feels like he has lost his feelings for me. At the time he thinks the feelings are real, but when he comes out of his down, his feelings for me are always still there. It have been an aweful rollercoaster ride and I finally told him I was getting off. It took him a week to call, but when he did, he said he didn't want to loose me and wanted my help with getting a pdoc appointment so he could get on meds. He said he wanted to be able to control his moods so he can treat me as wonderful as I treat him. He is a very sweet guy as well, and that is why I have stayed as long as I have. His appointment is Monday....I am really hopeful that he follows thru and gets on meds. I truly love the guy, but if he doesn't follow thru, I will walk away because his ups and downs will continue and get worse until he gets stable.

My advice is to try to talk to him about this when he isn't manic or depressed. Even suggest going with him to the doctor if he will go. But if he refuses, your relationship will continue like this forever.....Very emotional draining!!!

Good Luck.....I truly know what you are going thru!!

 
Old 08-20-2005, 12:38 AM   #4
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Angie79 HB User
Re: Boyfriend is bipolar, help!

I have been with my bipolar bf for 5 years now. We have broken up several times. My advice to you is to LEAVE. If I could turn back time I would have left years ago. It is a real mess now though since we have a daughter together. He has made so many promises to take his meds, but never does.

 
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