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Old 04-17-2006, 12:52 PM   #1
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Please, I need help for my mother.

Iím not sure where to begin, as this has been an on going problem for the last 20 years. So much has happened in the last 20 years I donít know where to begin. Well to begin my mother has been sick for pretty much the whole time since my father married her. Iím not sure whatís wrong with her, but she seems to think everyone is after her. After researching on the Schizophrenia forum, Iíve decided to put this thread here since it sounds the closest to what my family is experiencing right now.

Iíve never seen so much paranoia in a person in my life. Pretty much anyone she confronts, sooner or later sheíll think he/she is the enemy, the landlord, my friends, my sisters friends, my fathers friend, our own relatives, even my own father and right now my sister. She seems to sense danger in everyone she meets when there are none. There were several occasions where my mother even tried to physically harm my father because she thought he was out to get her with radio controlled cockroaches, satellites looking at everything she tries and do etc.

Three of the most terrifying occasions were when my mother threw boiling hot OIL at my father, second occasion my father was driving (I was sitting in the back of the car) and out of no where my mother just threw a whole cup of boiling hot coffee right at my fathers face while driving, she then took out a knife and sliced my fathers arm, we almost crashed when my father open the door and threw himself out, a very nice unknown individual hopped into the car and stopped the car himself. He then helped my father by calling the police. My father had to go to the hospital for burns and get stitches. About 20 mins later the police came over and arrested my mother. But for some reason my father dropped ALL charges against her, I really couldnít believe it. The last occasion was during the night my mother attempted to kill my father while he was sleeping, but by chance he was awake while she tried to do it, god must have been with my father at that time. Long story short my father STILL didnít do anything about it. He never even called the police!!! Please keep in mind this is in the span of 20 years or more. Each event happening several years after each incident. Of course, there is just so much more to this story then what I just said. So many things has happened in between those years I canít even comprehend it.

Her personalities change often. One minute sheíll be perfectly normal, the next minute she wonít say a single word for hours at a time, the look on her face is always either frustration or down right angry. The last couple of years my mother has been putting so much stress on the family. We can hardly do anything without her freaking out. She has our lives put under her own control, she pretty much tells us what kind of jobs were suppose to get, when we can use the phone, she has to check the mail, we canít do this, we canít do that etc etc. I canít even pay for my student loans because she thinks if I miss a payment someone will go after her. I couldnít go to my sisterís recent wedding, and now my mother is telling me I canít go visit my own sister when she gives birth to her new baby. Iím so upset by this as this happens like once in a life time. She even threatens me saying if I ever donít do what she tells me to do that sheíll take a hammer and smash my computers. Itís very hurtful when you hear that coming out your own mothers mouth. Other paranoiaís include, if she finds a paper lying around with her handwriting on it, sheíll literally take that piece of paper, cut it up with scissors for a half hour, up to the point where they look like dust. Sheíll then take the paper and flush it down the toilet or burn it on the stove. I have never seen a person act like this before. She does all of this because she thinks someone is going after her, so she does this to protect herself. I praise my father for putting up with her for all these years but I really think its going way to far. Even after all this time we are even more stressed out then ever before. We donít have a lot of money, I work for 7$ an hour in retail while my father tries and work his tale off to get the bills paied, I try and help my father the best I can with the little money I get at the same time trying to pay my own bills. I no longer have any money because today my mother stole 1100$ from me. That was my entire savings. It might not sound a lot to you guys but itís a whole lot for me and my family since we are very poor. It literally took me 6 months to save that for a used car. At this very moment of me typing this my mother has a thick blue jean jacket on of where she is holding my hard earned money, she has it buttoned and Iím suspecting she will keep that jacket on for an indefinite period of time. If your wondering why I didnít keep the money in a checking account, the answer is I canít because collections is after me because of my long overdue student loans! As of right now I am so stressed out at this, I couldnít even go to work today. This is really effecting me emotionally, there are days I just cry for hours and canít stop. I feel so angry and frustrated that this problem went on for this long. Why my father has never done anything about it is beyond me. But my only guess is probably because of financial problems weíve always had or of just being afraid of my mother. Afraid that she might have another episode of what she tried to do to my father years ago. Iím terrified of that also. Almost every night I lock my door when I sleep. No one should go through such things. I just want to live a happy and normal life.

I am now here today, asking for help for the first time because apparently my father wonít do anything about it. Any info is greatly appreciated.


EDIT: I did forget to mention my mother did go to the hospital at the time of the car incident, after dropping charges my father had my mother sent to the hospital, she stayed there for a couple of months then came back home. For that brief time for several months it was like having a totally new mother again. I was so happy. But that ended quickly about a year later.

Last edited by Tommy212; 04-17-2006 at 01:12 PM.

 
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Old 04-19-2006, 09:35 PM   #2
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Re: Please, I need help for my mother.

Tommy212,

I also grew up with a mother who suffered with Paranoid Schizophrenia. She would hear voices and react to various delusions. The illness became its worst about the time my mother entered her 40s. She would accuse the family of trying to hurt her and she would grab knives or physically try to attack us. A person in this state is extremely strong.

My father, much like yours, tried all he could to keep the family in tact by allowing my mother to live in this condition as if it was an illness that would go away by itself. She had been hospitalized on a number of occasions but this generally happened after a suicide attempt or a bad reaction to her medication.

Once my father began to realize that our lives could actually be in danger, he had to get a court order to have my mother hospitalized against her will. Most people who have Paranoid Schizophrenia live within their delusions and actually believe that this is reality. My mother eventually ended her life at the age of 49 by drowning in the backyard swimming pool. The coroner put "accidental death" on the death certificate however my brother told me my mother had folded her clothes and laid them on the side of the pool. My brother was 17 at the time and found our mother dead in the pool in her underwear.

Please contact someone at you local Department of Mental Health. You should be able to find the listing on the internet or in your phone book. You need help for yourself to cope with your mother. I spent years in therapy dealing with issues due to my mother's illness. She died when I was 26. I am 45 today and still feel the pain of her loss, not due to the death but to the illness. My mother was gone long before she ever physically died.

Your family really needs to come together to discuss plans to help your mother overcome this devastating illness. It sounds like she is a danger to the family and could possibly injure or kill someone or herself. Please get some help as soon as possible. My prayers are with you, your mother, and family.

Angela

Last edited by Happy Days; 04-19-2006 at 09:43 PM.

 
Old 08-21-2007, 09:12 PM   #3
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Re: Please, I need help for my mother.

Happy Days I am so sry at what happened to your mother. I know exactly how you feel like. Believe me. I know that one day you will meet your mother in a much better place.

It has been more then a year that has passed. Things have been an up and down hill. But today was probably the worst day I have ever seen my mother in. I just don't even know where to begin as to much has happened since i last posted which was more then a yr ago. I will try and make this as short as possible. Basically now my mothers paranoia has shifted over to my father now. In her world he is a big and powerful man and has all the money in the world. He owns many buildings and companies and doesn't want to share it with her. In her world he sleeps with thousands of woman daily of all kinds. My mother was just filled with so much rage and Anger, frustration, yelling and crying throughout the whole day. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't stay in the same room with her, she striked at me a couple of times, she thinks I'm in on it also. I am absolutely terrified for my father as she said she would try and kill him. It has been a neverending barrage of stories (some of which i can't even say on here as it is to vulgar) my mother says about my father. Some of which are just off the wall that you only hear in movies. My mother blames everything my father has put her through. Including trying to search for a job. She told me your father from the very beginning has prevented me in getting a job. I am at my witz end right now. I am frustrated, terrified for my father and for myself. I don't know why my father doesn't want to get help. He is so hesitant in getting any help. Can anyone plz give me some advice on how to deal with this situation? I don't know how to go about this. Do I just dial 911? Call a hospital? I have emailed my sister in cali to see what she can do to help. I'm scared that something is going to go terribly wrong. I am letting my father sleep in my room with the doors locked tonight. I fear for his safety.

Last edited by Tommy212; 08-21-2007 at 09:27 PM.

 
Old 08-21-2007, 11:26 PM   #4
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Re: Please, I need help for my mother.

What an awful thing for you all to have to go through.

Your mother needs help and she sounds so bad that I would call someone and get her committed. If she is a danger to other people, they can do this. Your mother urgently needs help in the form of medication and she can't think for herself so it is up to a family member to do this for her.

Please get her the help she needs. Don't feel bad about it. If she really seriously hurt someone, you would feel a lot worse.

It might help a little to think that she is not deliberately doing these things to hurt you all, she really can't help it.

Get her into somewhere for everyones sake.

Let us know how it goes, I hope things take a turn for the good for you all.

Xant

Last edited by Xant; 08-21-2007 at 11:27 PM.

 
Old 08-22-2007, 05:33 AM   #5
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Re: Please, I need help for my mother.

Sounds like your dad just is not able for his own reasons to not seek help for your mom. Your mom is at a crisis point and she is a danger to you your dad and herself. You don't want you or your dad to end up as a statistic on the 6:00 o'clock news. Schizo people do kill.And often are dangerouse when they are at the peak of their paranoia and delusions. This is where your moms mind is now.
Its up to you to get help.Call 911 and explain that your mom is Schizo and not on meds that she is a danger to herself and your family.You need help getting her to a hospital.They will take her there.Then the hospital calls in crisis they evaluate her. They will find she is a danger to herself and others and they will blue paper her. Which means place her in a hospital for 3 days or more if the hospital feels she needs it. There she will get help.
I know how hard this is for you to do. But you must.Also you could call your local mental health crisis hot line and speak to them.Don't wait untill its to late.Good luck

 
Old 08-23-2007, 10:13 AM   #6
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Re: Please, I need help for my mother.

I just wanted to give an update on whats been happening so far. Things just hasn't been getting any better, my father is still extremely hesitant in calling for help. I don't think he ever will. Last night he slept in my room again while I slept in the living room with my mother. For almost 2 hrs she continued with her barrage of stories. Its often the same one about how my father is so rich, she adds stuff in her stories and she doesn't even realize it. About how my father bought the entire building we are living in right now. About how every time she goes outside she says many people around her just laugh at her and point at her. She repeatedly just keeps on saying she wants to kill him. She even goes as far as to say now my father provides me with woman to have sex with, she now believes that I have riches beyond anything in this world. And that I won't share it with her. At one point during her talks right on where I was sleeping she punched me right across the face on the left side of my face. She hit me so hard my left ear was ringing. I never was so scared in my life. What makes this worse is i know my father heard every word, I even heard him open the door in my room to see what was going on. I was so hoping he would call for help right there or dial 911. ALL HE DID WAS JUST SHUT THE DAMN DOOR! How could he do such a thing. I was scared and so angry at the same time when he did that. The nightmare just doesn't end, my mother even thinks that (I had a physical done last wk and blood was found in my urine) my health condition is fake also. She thinks its a lie. She doesn't want me to see a Urologist because its some sort of an elaborate plan by my father. She says I'm really fine and there's nothing wrong with me. I just don't know what to do.

Some of my friends already know what I'm going through. One person provided me with information and a phone number about where I can seek help. My sister has also agreed to help me also. I can only hope my father will come to his senses one day and see this is a critical stage my mother is in. I have talked with him numerous times, described at what my mother does and say, he just doesn't budge at all. I do know one of the reasons is because of money. But I'm sure there is help out there for ppl without money. There has to be. We are a family that is just barely making it on money. We always have just enough to pay for the bills. But that just isn't a reason to not get my mother any help. I'll try and update if anything further happens. Thanks for listening. This is a big help in letting out how I feel on a msg board that others know what I'm talking about.

Last edited by Tommy212; 08-23-2007 at 10:34 AM.

 
Old 08-24-2007, 03:52 AM   #7
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Re: Please, I need help for my mother.

Hello there,
First things first I am going through exactly the same thing.I grew up with a paranoid schizophinic mother since I was born,our dad would leave us alone with her while he went out gambling or out to work he was a selfish man but I see it as a way he coped with her condition or not in this case.My 2 brothers and myself would feel the full extent of her anger and overbearing emotion.I was the youngest in my household so I was the centre of attention whether it would be anger directed towards myself or the brunt end of her internal paranoia either way as a child growing up with a mother in this condition it was so easy to get sucked into her world. No love was ever directed to us from our mother or our father they just fed us and that was about it. If you ever read a book called 'A Child Called It' it wasn't far from that,but i'd say the beating or violence was a little less but the emotional and twisted sense of mind was the same.
Even so I feel I have this overwhelming attachment to my mother which lies deep within my soul or this could the guilt.My advice is to take each day as it comes dont worry about the future its gonna happen anyway,try and deal with situations the best you possibly can,and dont feel guilty about doing things for yourself.Remember,its your life,dont live it through someone else.Yes your mother has this illness and its important to accept this.
Seek Help for your mother its the best thing you can possibly do,get the mental health services involved there good people who will help you too.
Just dont beat yourself up thinking you can change her and fix her which I have done after all these years thinking shes going to change the realality is shes not gonna change accept this and you can move on.This advice also goes out for myself and anybody else who reads this messege.
If you need to contact me feel free

 
Old 11-19-2007, 03:17 PM   #8
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Re: Please, I need help for my mother.

Hello everyone, i just wanted to give an update on what me and my family has been going through since my last post. A LOT has happened so I'll try and make this as short as possible while supplying as much info I can give from what I can remember.

My mothers symptoms reached her peak during the first week of last month (October) and it was really scary. Her symptoms were just out of control and 100% took over her.

We finally had no choice but to call 911. She got extremely violent during the middle of the night that and wouldn't stop. My dad had no choice but to finally force her on the bed to calm her down as best as he could. While he was doing that I got the phone and dialed 911. The police came over really fast... and a lot came for some odd reason. I'd say more then 10 + Ambulance, wow. Anyway I had to do most of the talking since my fathers english was so bad. They basically took each sides story on what was going on. First my mother, then me.

I tried to tell police on what was going on, like telling them about my moms past history and violence. The police sent my mother to Elmhurst hospital; I had to go there also to tell doctors what was going on. The doctor that was helping my mother at elmhurst was Dr. Wan. He basically did the same thing what police did, took each persons side of the story. When it was my turn i basically told him what I told the police. He then said that they were going to keep my mother there and evaluate her for several days then call us back for a status on my mother. Thats pretty much it. After that my father came and picked me up at elmhurst. We didn't get home till about 430pm that day. It wasn't even 2 days that we were told to come in and talk with my mothers doctors. They came to the conclusion that she needed further help and needed to be sent to Gracie Square Hospital.

While my mother was at Gracie Square Hospital she was taking Risperdal. The first few days the medications she was taking didn't do much but as time passed it started to work. It was like having my REAL mother back. I was so happy that the long 10-15 year nightmare was going to end. To put things short she was released on the 16th of October (estimate i forgot) and was back home. The doctors gave us prescription to the medications that my mother would unfortunately might have to take for life along with signing us up with a therapist we see on random intervals. It was like I woke up from a long nightmare. It was a story that had a happy ending. The first two weeks she was home was 100% completely normal. It was something that I've always wanted. However things started to change at the end of October.

It was at the end of October where my mother started showing signs of the illness coming back, one point she would be completely silent others times not. I was a bit confused and talked with my dad and my sister. We decided to give it more time as the doctors did say the illness sometimes will surface from time to time because of various reasons like stress and her age. However things were not improving and during the beginning of this month my father had a long talk with my mother and asked her if he could observe her taking the medications, without hesitating she disagreed in doing that and just kept on assuring us that she was taking them. My father was persistent and insisted that she be observed but she kept on disagreeing, it just got to the point where she actually stuck her fingers in her ears and started moaning random stuff to prevent on hearing my fathers words. My father then just promptly ignored the situation and left the house to go to work. To quickly end this post since then my mothers condition has been steadily declining, were going RIGHT BACK to the way we were before she went to elmhurst. I am angry and upset that this happened. I thought this finally ended and that we were able to put all of this behind us, but it seems we are getting hit with this again. I don't know what I should do at this moment. I don't want my mother going back to the hospital again but at the same time if her condition gets worse she can get extremely violent again, if she gets to be like that again it just might be worse. The first time we called 911 that day we were extremely lucky she didn't have some sort of weapon on her like a knife. I'm afraid we won't be that lucky if this happens again. Any info is appreciated.

EDIT: I also forgot to mention, just when things just can't get any worse a horrendous mistake happened at Elmhurst hospital that i am trying to correct. Somehow my name and my mothers name got switched. I don't understand how that happened. I'm guessing it happened the day we called 911 in the ambulance car when we were headed to Elmhurst. The person in the ambulance took both of our informations down on the way there and must have confused our names together. Right now because of this mistake I am getting billed instead to my mothers insurance. This puts a huge strain on me as I have absolutely no time to go back and forth to elmhurst as I work full time. Not only that the ambulance has mixed up my name along with my mothers name also. I will update as this goes on. i thank everyone for listening.

Last edited by Tommy212; 11-19-2007 at 03:29 PM.

 
Old 11-20-2007, 02:24 PM   #9
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Re: Please, I need help for my mother.

If you suspect your mother isn't taking her medication and she won't let anyone make sure she's taking it you should talk to your doctor about it, sometimes when people get better they decide they don't need medication anymore and stop taking it, which could end up in them being even worse than they were before.
And also make sure your doctor is aware of her being mute sometimes, because if she's diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic, these are symptoms of catatonic schizophrenia.

 
Old 11-20-2007, 03:39 PM   #10
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Re: Please, I need help for my mother.

Hi Tommy, this happens a lot unfortunately. People with SZ and BP start to feel better on th meds and think they can stop taking them...it then spirals out of control again.

Can you call her doc at least? Explain to him what is happening...I do know that they can give depot shots of certain drugs which means your mother would have to go in either monthly or weekly, not sure which, to the doc and get a shot which will last her until the next time. Since your mother becomes 'dangerous' when she is psychotic she can actually be forced to do this.

It's horrible having to go through this, but at least you know she can be treated...the problem is getting her to be compliant as you have seen.

 
Old 11-20-2007, 07:34 PM   #11
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Re: Please, I need help for my mother.

Most shots are bi-weekly, and last the whole time between shots, they are made of mostly the same chemicals as the oral pills. It's often a good alternative to oral for many people, instead of having to be monitored taking them daily, they just need to show up at regular intervals.
It's injected directly into muscle tissue making it slightly more effective as well.

 
Old 11-20-2007, 11:55 PM   #12
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Re: Please, I need help for my mother.

I read your post and feel for your situation. It must be really difficult having to go through this with your mom in addition to having to work full-time yourself. I think, thought, that it is imperative that your family makes sure that your mom takes the meds because they are going to help her remain sane and not get violent with paranoid delusions.

 
Old 11-21-2007, 04:40 AM   #13
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Re: Please, I need help for my mother.

Tommy, a while back there was a show on Dr. Phil about a women like your mother, what really made an impact with the women was she was video taped during an episode she was having with the ranting an raving, she wasn't shown this tape until she was medicated and in a sane state of mind. This convinced her to keep taking her meds. I wonder if your Mother's Doctor could do something like this for her. She definitely needs to go back and get back on her medication. I feel for you.

 
Old 12-28-2007, 06:23 PM   #14
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Re: Please, I need help for my mother.

Tommy, you are going through one of the most difficult experiences there is. My mom also has paranoid schitzophrenia. She took some meds for years, but a couple of years ago decided Jesus told her to quit them. She got worse and worse, babbling nonsense, making up even more "new realitys" and distorting everything that was said to her. The only words she could say were quotes from the bible, total inability to carry on a conversation. I finally convinced her to visit a psychologist, who told her she needed to go back on her meds. (She refused to go to a psychiatrist.) She proceeded to have one of her rage attacks right there and the psychologist told me she needed serious help. I knew that, but didn't know how to get it for her. The last time she was committed (early 1960's), her brother helped "sign her in" and she still hasn't forgiven him. Whoever had her committed would suffer her wrath forever for their "bad deed". I was on my own emotional roller coaster due to my own problems, and couldn't cope, nor could my father or other immediate family.

After a long talk with me regarding my own emotional instability and my family's inability to deal with the situation, the doctor agreed to fill out some kind of papers at the courthouse. There is a mental health department at the county courthouse in my state. Anyone (relative, friend, doctor, total stranger) can fill out papers basically stating "this person has a problem, is a danger to themselves or others, please have them evaluated". They have to describe the behavior they've seen. It doesn't have to be activated immediately, can just be on file. When it gets activated, the court will ask the person to come in for an evaluation, or if they won't come, will send the sheriff to pick them up. Before activation, if the person goes to the hospital for any reason, one can tell the doctors what is happening, and they will see that a mental evaluation is done. The person can only be kept 3 days. If there is definitely a problem, the papers can be activated, and the person can be held for treatment. This is how it worked for my family.

I was so angry and in such emotional turmoil at the chaos that my mother was creating in our family, that I finally got up my courage to speak out. They hold a hearing at the hospital and make sure all the doctors agree the person is well enough to go home. Before the hearing, while her lawyer was in her room, and in front of her, I asked him what we the family should do if she ever created this chaos again. He said we couldn't hold her against her will, nor force her to go to the doctor or hospital nor force her to take her meds. Our only option was to fill out the commitment paper at the courthouse and have her picked up for evaluation. I told my mother point blank, in front of the family and her lawyer, if you EVER create this kind of chaos again, I WILL PERSONALLY GO FILE THE PAPERS. Totally de-activating the guilt trip she always laid on the family about "those horrible people who had her committed."

Her sisters were appalled that anyone put "their precious sister" in the psych unit, and jumped my case about it. No support from them. I suggested they each keep her for 2 weeks at a time because none of us could handle her. That went over like a lead balloon. Things are calm now, she is taking her meds, and I have a mother back. She definitely still isn't "normal", but the worst of the problem behavior has gone away.

I feel more comfortable now, knowing there is something I can do to help the situation (of course, she doesn't see it that way!). My life was in danger while I lived there, but she got much less violent as she got older. Hang in there. It's tough, but there are things we can do to keep ourselves and our families safe. Just find out the procedure in your state. Call the county Probate Office. Check with your state's mental health department, they have lots of contacts for mental health issues. We even have a support group for schizophrenics and their families in my city, and they offer a lot of good advice and support.

Hope you can pick something out of my story to help with your current problems.
Good luck, and try to hold on to your own sanity in the process.

 
Old 01-08-2008, 05:17 PM   #15
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Re: Please, I need help for my mother.

Rose4place: That was a long and very detailed info on what you been going through. Really do appreciate you having the time to write that. Makes me feel that I'm not the only one doing battle with this incurable mental illness.

I just wanted to drop down on whats been happening the last 2 months since my mother was released. The big corporate rich man delusion that my mother once had seems to have been forgotten in exchange for something more bizarre. And I do remember her mentioning this same thing months ago before she was sent to elmhurst. But it was only said by my mother once or twice, however now she is bringing it up much more and now wants a divorce.

She now thinks my father is in some sort of gang! Doing drugs and killing people. She told me she didn't want any part of it and wants a divorce. She also seems to think that divorcing my father will give her a much greater chance in landing a job. My mother thinks all of her failed attempts in getting a job is because of my father. Whether or not this is entirely the reason on why she wants a divorce, I'm not sure at all. But in my opinion I believe she could be doing this NOT only because of the gang delusion but also because she probably thinks if she gets a divorce then she can not be sent to the hospital again. My mother also adds that after the divorce she wants my father and as well as myself to move out somewhere else. I find this extremely strange because how will my mother be able to pay for all the bills and rent, she can't even take care of herself much less hold a job to pay for all the bills. Where will we go?

I am stumped at the moment. I have urgently and repeatably told my father to please talk with my mothers therapist for advice, setup some sort of an appointment to go there but it seems that I'm talking to a wall! I feel that I'm the only person doing this all by myself. He doesn't do anything. And it's not a language barrier either if thats what he is afraid of since the therapist is the same nationality as my father! I'm not really sure if I should be the one to go to the therapist or go back to the hospital that my mother went to for advice.

Last edited by Tommy212; 01-08-2008 at 05:52 PM.

 
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