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Old 05-15-2006, 08:43 PM   #1
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At my wit's end. I think my husband is bipolar

Hi everyone. I know this is going to get long, but I can't help it. I need help.

I believe my husband is bipolar. This has been going on for a while now, and I'm not sure where to turn. I guess I should give a little history.

He is almost 37 years old. We've been together for almost 10 years, married for almost 8. He has not been this way the entire time we've been married, only for about the last four or five years. I've known the entire time we've been together that he has ADD. He is actually a poster child for this disorder, but he's mood swings did not start right away.

About two years ago, I talked him into seeing his primary care doctor for the ADD and depression. He went. The doctor put him on Lexapro for the depression and sent him to a neurologist for the ADD. The neurologist prescribed a medication for the ADD (I can't remember what it is). For a while, he seemed to be doing better, somewhat. However, he is a truck driver and ran out of his meds on the road. He had a panic attack. Actually, it was more like an anger attack. He damaged the steering wheel in his truck, cracked the windshield and then broke down in a fit of tears over what he had done. His work made him take a break until he could get a note from his doctor. His neurologist couldn't get him for three weeks and wouldn't give him a note to go back to work. He said that it gone from a neurological problem to a psychological one. My DH finally got into see a psychiatrist (who he only saw once) who prescribed Depakote and said he had OCD. I just don't buy it. In October, he lost his job. Someone at a shipping yard pulled a knife on him and he got his tire knocker out. No fight happened, but both of them lost their jobs. The sight of the knife, of course, made him mad, but instead of getting in the truck and locking the doors, he took out the tire knocker. So, he had no insurance.

He has since found another job, but he has discontinued his meds. He has insurance against, but he's afraid of going to the doctor because he's afraid that it will be considered a pre-existing condition and our insurance won't cover it. He says he will hold out until June.

He doesn't have high, high, highs and low, low, lows. He has extremely angry and depressed. The extremely angry is scary. He says the most horrible things to me. I always said I would never take something like this from someone, but I know he can't help it. It's a sickness, just like something physical his. He has never hit. He almost always stops himself and walks away before he gets to that point. However, as he's walking away, he's still saying all the horrible things. We have a three year old daughter, and I will say this. He has been able to control it enough that it has only happened while she's awake once or twice. Most of the time, it happens while he's on the road or after she's gone to bed. I'll admit, I've come to know what sets him off. I'm an awful housekeeper, which he never minded before, but now, it sets him off to come home to a messy house. When he gets mad, he even threatens divorce. However, a few hours later or the next day, he apologizes. When he apologizes, he's depressed, which can go on for hours or even days.

Sometimes, when he's depressed, he says he wants to end it all. That he sees no reason to go on. He says he lets everyone run all over him (this is also a common theme during the anger episodes). He talks about how stupid he is. He tells me how sorry he is for how he treats me, that he should just leave me so I'll be happy. Of course, that won't make me happy.

Sometimes, he's happy, but it's almost not a normal happy. It's over the top happy. This doesn't happen very often at all. But, just an example of this, he'll call me over top about a job opportunity (this happens about once a month). He's happy about it, he knows he's just got it. It's going to be the best thing that has ever happened to us, etc., etc., etc. But, then, a day or two later, he's angry again or depressed again, and the job is no good, it's terrible, he can't take it, etc.

Does this sound like it could be bipolar? I am trying to get him to go to the doctor again, but he says we can't afford it. And, we really can't if we have to pay out of pocket. However, I told him tonight that I didn't care what he cost, I wanted him to go to the doctor about all of this. He's also afraid that they'll take him off the road, and he's afraid he won't be able to get another job after being diagnosed.

I know that he'll probably never be completely back to the man I married, but I remember that man and I know he's in there somewhere. And, I miss him. I just want him to get the help that he needs. If I could get any advice, I would certainly appreciate it.

****Edited to add: I forgot a couple of things. He has a huge sex drive. He's always had a bigger sex drive than I have, but it has increased over the past few years. It's all he talks about, all he wants to do, he wants to look at porn quite a bit (which I don't mind). He says if he can't do it, he wants to talk about it. He told me tonight that when he gets "horny," he can't control himself. He's never raped me or even come close to it, but I don't have anywhere near the sex drive he has.

Also, he just quit smoking, and his anger episodes and depression have increased. If he has bipolar, would stopping smoking make it get worse?

Last edited by tamara29; 05-15-2006 at 09:07 PM. Reason: Need to add something

 
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Old 05-16-2006, 12:21 AM   #2
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Re: At my wit's end. I think my husband is bipolar

hi, as someone who has bipolar i would say the mood swings make sense, although "episodes" as they are described, tend to last for quite a while (either high or low), but they can change between either days or even hours which is described as rapid cycling. The high sex drive also makes sense as this can be a symptom of a manic episode, and a lowered sex drive during a depressed one. However all symptoms will vary between individuals, as theres no exact science to any of it.
my best advice would be for your husband to see a professional and try and get a proper diagnosis. This is particularly important as if he is bipolar, anti depressants, particularly SSRI's, can induce a manic episode until properly treated.
Good luck

 
Old 05-16-2006, 10:34 AM   #3
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Re: At my wit's end. I think my husband is bipolar

This sounds like more than bipolar to me. I'm not a professional, but my moods are generally not in response to a situation, they just are. If he is bipolar, the medication can be very expensive, so holding out for another month may not be a bad idea (if you can live with it). Otherwise, he may not be covered at all. My meds would run me about 250 a month if insurance didn't cover it.

 
Old 05-16-2006, 01:33 PM   #4
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tamara29 HB User
Re: At my wit's end. I think my husband is bipolar

I guess I didn't explain it very well. He does have mood swings just because. I can't tell you how many times I've heard that he's mad at the world, he has no idea why, I need to leave him alone for a while, etc.

When something does set him off, he overreacts. Things seem to make him madder than they should. If it was just because things set him off, I would just assume he has a bad temper or anger management issues. But, it's not only that.

I never know if I'm going to get the mad person or the depressed one or the one who is hyped up about something. I mean, I can walk from the kitchen back into the living room, sometimes, and his mood has changed. He doesn't always change that fast, but sometimes, he does.

If it isn't bipolar, what could it be?

 
Old 05-16-2006, 07:35 PM   #5
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I think my husband is bipolar, but I'm not sure

I posted this on the bipolar board, but some said they weren't sure if it sounded like bipolar or not. Could anyone give me some idea of what it might be.

Hi everyone. I know this is going to get long, but I can't help it. I need help.

I believe my husband is bipolar. This has been going on for a while now, and I'm not sure where to turn. I guess I should give a little history.

He is almost 37 years old. We've been together for almost 10 years, married for almost 8. He has not been this way the entire time we've been married, only for about the last four or five years. I've known the entire time we've been together that he has ADD. He is actually a poster child for this disorder, but he's mood swings did not start right away.

About two years ago, I talked him into seeing his primary care doctor for the ADD and depression. He went. The doctor put him on Lexapro for the depression and sent him to a neurologist for the ADD. The neurologist prescribed a medication for the ADD (I can't remember what it is). For a while, he seemed to be doing better, somewhat. However, he is a truck driver and ran out of his meds on the road. He had a panic attack. Actually, it was more like an anger attack. He damaged the steering wheel in his truck, cracked the windshield and then broke down in a fit of tears over what he had done. His work made him take a break until he could get a note from his doctor. His neurologist couldn't get him for three weeks and wouldn't give him a note to go back to work. He said that it gone from a neurological problem to a psychological one. My DH finally got into see a psychiatrist (who he only saw once) who prescribed Depakote and said he had OCD. I just don't buy it. In October, he lost his job. Someone at a shipping yard pulled a knife on him and he got his tire knocker out. No fight happened, but both of them lost their jobs. The sight of the knife, of course, made him mad, but instead of getting in the truck and locking the doors, he took out the tire knocker. So, he had no insurance.

He has since found another job, but he has discontinued his meds. He has insurance against, but he's afraid of going to the doctor because he's afraid that it will be considered a pre-existing condition and our insurance won't cover it. He says he will hold out until June.

He doesn't have high, high, highs and low, low, lows. He has extremely angry and depressed. The extremely angry is scary. He says the most horrible things to me. I always said I would never take something like this from someone, but I know he can't help it. It's a sickness, just like something physical his. He has never hit. He almost always stops himself and walks away before he gets to that point. However, as he's walking away, he's still saying all the horrible things. We have a three year old daughter, and I will say this. He has been able to control it enough that it has only happened while she's awake once or twice. Most of the time, it happens while he's on the road or after she's gone to bed. I'll admit, I've come to know what sets him off. I'm an awful housekeeper, which he never minded before, but now, it sets him off to come home to a messy house. When he gets mad, he even threatens divorce. However, a few hours later or the next day, he apologizes. When he apologizes, he's depressed, which can go on for hours or even days. But, he doesn't have to have anything to set him off. Sometimes, he's just mad for no apparent reason. He's told me more times than I can count that he's mad at the world, he has no idea why and I should just leave him alone for a while.

Sometimes, when he's depressed, he says he wants to end it all. That he sees no reason to go on. He says he lets everyone run all over him (this is also a common theme during the anger episodes). He talks about how stupid he is. He tells me how sorry he is for how he treats me, that he should just leave me so I'll be happy. Of course, that won't make me happy.

Sometimes, he's happy, but it's almost not a normal happy. It's over the top happy. This doesn't happen very often at all. But, just an example of this, he'll call me over top about a job opportunity (this happens about once a month). He's happy about it, he knows he's just got it. It's going to be the best thing that has ever happened to us, etc., etc., etc. But, then, a day or two later, he's angry again or depressed again, and the job is no good, it's terrible, he can't take it, etc.

Does this sound like it could be bipolar? I am trying to get him to go to the doctor again, but he says we can't afford it. And, we really can't if we have to pay out of pocket. However, I told him tonight that I didn't care what he cost, I wanted him to go to the doctor about all of this. He's also afraid that they'll take him off the road, and he's afraid he won't be able to get another job after being diagnosed.

I know that he'll probably never be completely back to the man I married, but I remember that man and I know he's in there somewhere. And, I miss him. I just want him to get the help that he needs. If I could get any advice, I would certainly appreciate it.

I forgot a couple of things. He has a huge sex drive. He's always had a bigger sex drive than I have, but it has increased over the past few years. It's all he talks about, all he wants to do, he wants to look at porn quite a bit (which I don't mind). He says if he can't do it, he wants to talk about it. He told me tonight that when he gets "horny," he can't control himself. He's never raped me or even come close to it, but I don't have anywhere near the sex drive he has.

Also, he just quit smoking, and his anger episodes and depression have increased. If he has bipolar, would stopping smoking make it get worse?

If it isn't bipolar, could anyone tell me what it does sound like? Thanks so much.

 
Old 05-16-2006, 09:54 PM   #6
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Re: I think my husband is bipolar, but I'm not sure

I have a lot of the same symptoms that your husband has and I have been diagnosis with Major Depressive Disorder with psycotic features. The people on the bipolar are usually pretty good so its odd that they could not confirm whether he is bipolar or not. The best thing for your husband is to get diagnosed professio+nally

take care]
trg247
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Old 05-16-2006, 10:55 PM   #7
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Re: At my wit's end. I think my husband is bipolar

Hi, just a little more about this. He just took the Goldberg Mania Questionnaire, which gave him a 60. Anything above 54 was highly manic. Does anyone know anything about this tests? Is it reliable? It suggested that he go to his doctor immediately.

 
Old 05-18-2006, 12:56 PM   #8
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Re: I think my husband is bipolar, but I'm not sure

I'm being treated for depression myself, and yesterday, I talked with her about what my DH was going through. She said it sounded like bipolar to her, but since she wasn't a doctor and she wasn't seeing him, she couldn't make a diagnosis. She does think he needs immediate treatment, though. She said that it could possibly be major depressive disorder with atypical features. Thanks for the help.

 
Old 05-18-2006, 01:50 PM   #9
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Re: I think my husband is bipolar, but I'm not sure

My husband has the anger problems also. It is usually when he is majorly overworked. He is a sub-contractor and gets swamped with work this time of year! He had been doing tornado damage repairs. He just got caught back up. I told him I didn't really like him working on Sundays. I know it is work when there is daylight out! I have been through this for 8 years now. He spreads himself really thin though. The past couple weeks everything has started going back to normal for us. I felt like I was walking on egg shells. If I say something to him about it, he gets ticked off, if I don't, he gets ticked off. I had also thought some sort of mental problem. He gets so mean and nasty toward me. I have done nothing wrong. I keep his house perfect, dinner on the table when he gets home, take care of the two kids, keep the yard picked up and mowed. He doesn't have to do anything when he gets home! I take care of everything here. So, what does he have to complain about? Pretty much nothing. He has recently been able to talk to me without getting ****** off. It is them! Either stressed or depressed. I felt like maybe it was my fault. He was never like this when we got together either. It has just gotten worse. Maybe I am really driving him crazy! No!! That's not how it really is though.

How long has your hubby been a truck driver? He is not happy with himself right now. It isn't necesarily bipolar or major depressive disorder. He may be overworked and have too much sitting on his plate right now. He needs some sort of a break. Maybe the house being a mess started bugging him because of other guys bragging about their wives. Guys always like to brag! Especially being out on the road. My dad has been an owner operator for 15 years now. Don't try to get him to go to a doc or try to get him to take any meds. It ends up backfiring in the end. Then they shove it in your face that you forced him to do it. The blame game starts and drives a bigger wedge between the two of you. Try to keep your spirits up and maybe that will rub off on him. Sometimes we show our emotions and they take it the wrong way. You could be sick and he thinks your in a bad mood. I'm sure you know how that goes. You have to make yourself happy and not let him drag you down in the dumps. Think of you and your child first! Go ahead and avoid things you know will make him snap. Maybe he will start bringing his spirits up. Talk his ego up some. I know, he makes you feel like crap and you should try to make him feel good? It does really work though. Let him know that you still love him. When he is in a good mood, try to talk about how I know we are going through a tough time right now (relationship wise) and just because I get mad at you doesn't mean I don't want you anymore. Use whatever comes to your heart! Don't start a conversation out with You. That makes it feel like you are pointing the finger at him. Even if inside you really are, you can't let him know that. Communication is a big big key in relationships. We forget to talk to each other instead of just talking about how cruddy our day went. I know I have already said this but I'm gonna say it again DO NOT LET HIM DRAG YOU DOWN!!!! Focus on you a little bit more than him. Do stuff that makes you happy.

Best wishes sweetie! It is a rocky road! Marriage is hard hard work!

 
Old 05-18-2006, 06:04 PM   #10
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Re: I think my husband is bipolar, but I'm not sure

Hi, young momma. This has been going on for a long time, about three or four years now. He is stressed out and he doesn't like his job, and I realize that that might contribute to the problem. However, I don't believe it is the problem. He was on vacation all last week. He spent money like crazy last week, even though he knew we didn't have it. I found out that he spent $200 at Verizon on a new cellphone that he didn't need. I am finding things around the house he bought, and when I ask him about it, he says he probably bought it, but he bought a lot of things and can't remember exactly what they were. He got a check book out of the drawer and wrote many checks. I don't know how many, and I didn't find out about it until I called the bank to check our account and found us in overdraft due to all the checks he has written. Thank goodness we have overdraft protection, so the checks won't be sent back to the place we wrote them, but we still get charged $20 a pop for them. The checkbook he used is in his van in the trucking company's parking lot, and I can't get to it to see what all he's written. Now, today, he's complaining about us being broke.

And, all he thinks about is sex. He had a dream about me and a good friend of mine. Now, he says he can't get her out of his head. He said that he's never been that way before. He says he thinks about her a lot. I'm glad he confessed this to me.

I believe he's in the manic phase right now or at least he was. He is now depressed. He's ready to go to the doctor, because he says he has a problem. Yesterday, he had no problem, everything was just fine, it was just the situation he was in, etc.

You didn't offend me with your post, young momma. I thought that for a while, too. But, I've tried all the things you suggested, and they didn't work. He didn't get better, so I'm pretty sure he has a problem.

 
Old 05-18-2006, 06:16 PM   #11
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Re: I think my husband is bipolar, but I'm not sure

Sounds bi-polar to me. I'm bi-polar too and I've done all the things he's doing. Good luck to you.

 
Old 05-19-2006, 08:50 PM   #12
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Re: I think my husband is bipolar, but I'm not sure

Hi vo-5. Can you tell me if certain things ever triggered your episodes? With him, he'll be in what I call one of his anger phases and be mad, but not saying horrible things to me, and all of sudden one little thing will happen. Then, he'll be yelling and screaming and cursing at me. Now, he's come down from this anger episode of the last week, and while he's not sad now, he's over the top happy. It's killing me because I never what I'm going to get. He's so unpredictable.

 
Old 05-19-2006, 10:41 PM   #13
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Re: I think my husband is bipolar, but I'm not sure

A lot of times there are no triggers its just the brain decides to switch it switches, I could be wrong here. Also episodes can last a couple minutes to a couple of months. There is also more than one form of bipolar, I do not have a clue which is which

take care
trg247
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Old 05-20-2006, 09:11 AM   #14
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young momma HB User
Re: I think my husband is bipolar, but I'm not sure

I was just letting you know it is normal with a man. When they get depressed they are totally different than women are. It's funny, I know alot of men who say women are very complicated. You know, I really think it is the other way around. They just say that to make them feel better about themselves! lol!! Just a little something to make you smile at least once today!

 
Old 05-20-2006, 11:45 PM   #15
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Re: At my wit's end. I think my husband is bipolar

I don't know anything about that test.....buuuuuuuuuuuut you're dh sounds exactly like mine. I'm very sorry. We've been married 8.5 yrs and although I've thought he was bipolar for years now...it never seemed bad enough to look into getting help until he had a really bad episode during which I almost called 911.

My dh was just dxd as bipolar this month. We're flat broke and he's getting assistance through our local MHMR office (Mental health and mental retardation.) It's a government thing....and you pay according to your income status. You might want to check into that...ours is located in the same building with the WIC agency and medicaid/medicare offices.

Hope you get the help he needs! (((hugs)))
LP
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