My wife is bi-polar and I don't know what to do! - Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill Message Board

Jason M · 07-13-2006, 02:14 PM

I have been married to my wife since April 8tha nd she has left me twice. She is currently gone again. It's been 3 and ahalf weeks this time and I don't now if she is coming back. She says she doesn't love me, then she does, now she doesn't kknow how to love me. I just feel so out of control. I really love her and I want to be there to support her but I am afraid I am failing miserablly and I really wish I could put this puzzle together. If Anyone has any insight as to why she is doing thi, I would really appreciate it. We are also expecting a baby in December. She has a baby from another father who is four.

fallen_angel · 07-13-2006, 02:40 PM

hey jason,
i have bipolar and have often tried to offer insight from a woman's point of view who is suffering from this illness in the hope it can help husbands/boyfriends of other sufferers understand, and realise that they musnt blame themselves or feel responsible for their partner's actions.
firstly, i have huge admiration for you for supporting your wife and the very fact that you are on this board shows how much you want to do that. The main thing to remember is that there is nothing straight forward or logical about a person's behaviour when in an episode, particularly manic. I can totally relate to the way your wife has behaved in terms of pushing you away and then wanting you back and then not knowing what she wantsIve done this myself to my own partner and this is all typical of the mood swings that occur with the illness.this might sound ridiculous but please dont take her behaviour personally or blame yourself, you must remember that she has an illness. but the good thing is that an illness can be treated, although it can take a long time to get there, there is hope. Im presuming she cant be treated at the moment due to the pregnancy? Hopefully after the baby is born she can get help to find the right meds which will help stabilise her and this whole situation.
There are two fantastic guys on here who im sure wont mind me mentioning them, distroyed and wizard of oz. i really admire them and im hoping they will reply to your post as im sure they will offer you a lot of support. Please remember that you're not alone

Wizard of Oz · 07-13-2006, 09:14 PM

Jason, Welcome.... I am so sorry for the stuff your going through. I can totally relate. My wife was diagnosed BP II about four years ago after she was in rehab for alcoholism. This has been one rough and unpleasant ride. After rehab things were ok. Then about 10 months ago the wheels really came off. Basically when she started drinking again. We have four kids and they are getting shafted. As I am typing this she's in Chicago and from what I can figure out she's hooking up with a family friend of ours that she had an affair with 2 months ago. It's such a long and ugly story I don't really know where to begin. She told me right after the affair that she wanted to get divorced. I know this sounds like some crappy movie byt it's unfortunatly my life right now. I'm trying to take care of the kids and work full time but I feel like I'm going to flip out. I pray a lot and get great support from some wonderful women on this board. Hang tough..It's hard and I'll be praying for you....Take care.....Oz

samandtola · 07-13-2006, 09:37 PM

She needs to get into a psych facility with a day program. You need to make sure your kids (stepkid and future child) have some stability. I have to tell you that you rock standing by her. It is so hard. I can't imagine what its like on the other end. My husband is bp. quite tough itself but doesn't compare to a wife being bp. My best friend is bp and she went through a day program during her whole pregnancy and after the delivery was hospitalized for 9 months. It is so hard.