my husband is bipolar... advice please - Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill Message Board

JustMarried8 · 09-06-2003, 03:58 PM

i recently (about a month ago!) got married to a man who is bipolar. i love him very much, but am having some trouble dealing with his behaviors and would like some advice. so far this board has been helpful, although i have been sitting here crying at some of the things i've been reading.

he was diagnosed when he was a child, and has always stayed on his medications (currently taking depakote... he is very successful with this and has been on it for years now) his doctor also prescribes klonapin, although he doesn't take it the way it's prescribed... he saves it up and then takes a whole bunch at once, and insists on a few drinks as well. he doesn't see a problem with this. he has been "self-medicating" for years, i got him to stop taking the pain killers, ecstacy, and other stuff (he was taking oxycodon) and i still think this is a problem with the klonapin.... he takes it and drinks and feels great, then the next day he's miserable.... is this an addictive drug? is he feeling withdrawal?

i know that i didnt' make a mistake by marrying this man... he is the most loving, caring, funny, wonderful guy about 90% of the time... but i'm having a lot of trouble handling our relationship the other 10%. we have been together for about 3 years total, and have lived together for almost 2 of those years. i know it's not always this bad, but we've had a really rough day and i needed to find a good place to vent. i made an appointment to speak to a therapist, i feel that would be helpful for me. i may also look into couples counseling, although i'm not sure he'd be into it... and also not sure how comfortable i would be in talking to someone with him when he is feeling good, because when he's feeling good, he doesn't even remember the times he wasn't... it all is like a blur to him and he thinks i'm nuts when i bring up things that he said/did.

i hope some of you have some advice for me, and for us! thank you for listening and being there for me....

HoosierBj · 09-06-2003, 05:51 PM

I can tell you what works for my husband...
He's developed an exterior of sheer Teflon. My moods & my irritability seem to just roll right off him. He doesn't take them personally, and has learned to listen without being affected.
I wish I knew how he did it, I've worked with people that I'd use it on myself!
There's a slight possibility that he doesn't mean to be wonderful at all, but honestly doesn't pay that much attention to me... (??!!)

mudhound · 09-06-2003, 07:07 PM

One of the first things I would do is get involved with **** (****.ORG). They have been so helpful for me. My wife has bp and life can become unbearable.
Getting with others on this board can help too. Maybe that 10% of the time can be cut to 5% for you.
Not to discourage you but mine is near 50-60% of the time that she does wild and crazy things. If we had not already been married, I would not have married her. Now I love her and just plain put up with the issues as they happen.

Ben There · 09-06-2003, 10:53 PM

WOW !!! Klonopin is NOT something to be trifled with. Of all the meds I've experienced THAT ONE had some of the most devastating immediate impacts. Whoever is prescribing ought to be well advised (of course, don't get yourself into the "snitch" role)...

Good luck with all you have to contend with and look forward to ~ it can be the best and the worst of worlds.

------------------
Ex-Pharmaceutical Guinea Pig...

KimRick · 09-08-2003, 08:41 AM

I know exactly what you're going through!! My fiance & I have been together for 5 years now & he was diagnosed 2 years ago. He was a HEAVY substance abuser for about 17 years - self medicating, I guess. He's been clean & sober for a little over a year now. His moods, when he has them, are SO BAD!!! Sometimes, it's like dealing with Dr. Jekyyl & Mr. Hyde. You have to distinguish the difference between the two and you have to understand that it's NOT YOUR FAULT. What works for me is letting him go off on his tangents, but always being there when he needs me. You have to let his moods roll off your back. I've learned not to lean on him, if he's in his mood, when I'm upset or sad because he can't console me. He can concole me when he's doing ok, though. It's good for you if you have some really close friends to cry on when it gets bad for you. Hang in there!!! Just remember, this is just as hard for him as it is for you. Be there for him when he needs you the most.