goody2shuz

Okay....just needed to vent a little bit here amongst many who have helped me along....we all have peaks and troughs in this ocean of life and right now it seems like a big trough for me and my daughter(s).

I guess it comes to the losses I am experiencing....my older daughter is off to college after a pretty rotten summer of defiance and fighting as the other was hospitalized and diagnosed with Bipolar and still trying to reach stability. And then Ruthie ....my dear friend Ruthie, who brought me here, has moved on in her journey of life....I will miss her support and always standing on the sidelines cheering me on as if to give me that water I needed to go that extra mile. Anyway enough of that....no time for me to sit here throwing a pity party when I need to regroup and figure out what is going on and what to do next.

Older daughter, Kait, came home with three suitemates, one of which is her roommate whho so happens to be Bipolar. The girl hadn't had her meds for 3 days and had some moments but seemed to get through. This visit didn't actually have our seal of approval on it....Kait thought by just asking it was an okay and arrived Friday at 2am. Meanwhile, we had been through a week of hell with my younger daughter, Erin, who needed to come off of her Risperdal and started to decline having done so. She was started on Seroquel on Thursday 25mgs and is up to 50mgs now and they increased her Lamictal to 75mgs for a week and then we will up it to 100mgs for the rest of the month. Erin is hypersensitive to meds and so they must progress slowly so as not to run out of them.

Well....Erin was extremely irritable the first two nights and on Saturday she asked to join her sister and her friends to go see the sites for a few hours. We okayed it even though she had lost the weekend because of things she had done which took away that as a privelege. We figured she and her sister barely see one another and we made the exception. Kait and her friends had been out the previous night but made it in well under curfew. We layed down the rules from the getgo, which to us weren't many....no drinking or smoking in house, if using Kait's car must be home by midnight and if not by 1am. Saturday we got some Buffalo wings in for dinner and the girls went out and rented a scary movie to watch for the night. Hubby went over to a friend's house for a few hours and I relaxed watching the end of the movie "Beaches" on TV.

My peace didn't last too long when Kait asked to go out and build a bonfire with her friends. I told her that I didn't think that would be a good idea, that it would draw attention and she didn't need any trouble and besides Erin wouldn't be able to go. She pleaded and I told her to keep the plans they made...she said that the friends wanted to do the bonfire and she carried on until she had hubby on the phone and got his okay. Then Erin asked to go, I told her no and she pleaded saying that she wanted time with her sister bllah, blah, blah and I stood my ground saying that she had spent the entire day with Kait and that she would not be included in the bonfire plans. It was around 8pm at this point. Kait came down and said that I shouldn't keep Erin in jail and that by doing so I was making her more depressed, that she was crying and that even her roommate said living like this would worsten her Bipolar. I told Kait that what her roommate said didn't add up to anything if she couldn't even stay on her meds and that I was Erin's mom and knew what was best for her. Erin came back down working me over....I got hubby on the phone and told him how I felt about the idea and he agreed and Erin got on the phone hysterically crying. Within a few minutes hubby was home with Kait pleading her case for Erin. Hubby asked her to leave while we spoke. When I asked him why he was home he went into how he couldn't discuss everything on the phone and that when Erin was crying he had a soft spot. I told him that was the problem...he got mad at me for having gotten him on the phone in the first place....I told him it would have been easy for him to just follow through with agreeing with my decision and left it at that....he called Erin down explaining how she couldn't go, we had already made an exception for he to go out with her sister and reminded her of the penalty and the action it came from. She went into how she didn't deserve that and that it all came from mom lying....when I asked for her to elaborate...she said that she didn't leave a message on my cell like I claimed she did...I told her she did and besides that had nothing to do with it...that she didn't do what she was instructed to do and blaming me had nothing to do with it. She persisted on crying calling me a liar...Hubby asked me to get my phone and play the messge...I told him I may have erased it and said I would try....as I did I was suddenly shocked at how this all turned around into placing blame on me and putting me in the spotlight when it had everything to do with saying "no" to Erin. It's almost as if when things go sour with her she must find a way for them to go twice as sour for me!!! I couldn't find the message, Erin accused me of lying and stormed upstairs calling me a ***** and screaming how she hated me....she got a small reprimand from hubby for that and hubby and I quarrelled, he went back to his friend's house leaving me with the aftermath. The kids were watching a movie and I went to my room for a while. Eventually Kait went out with her friends. I found Erin sleeping and went out to meet my cousin for a while. I returned a little before 1am and Kait's car wasn't home. Hubby had called her and told her to get hom

Kait left yesterday, Erin was on the phone calling halfway houses, tells hubby she doesn't want to live here and says she hates me and that I am Bipolar and that is why she has it. She told hubby I am a *****....I had been crying alot of the time and when hubby insisted on listening to all my messages the other night I felt so humiliated as if he questioned my truthfulness over Erin's...I only had 2 messages and when the first was from his sister discussing plans about a surprise 50th I am going to throw for him and when I out it off of speaker telling him he couldn't here that one....he persisted until I lost it and throwing the phone told him I was throwing a 50th birthday for as a$$hole who I wanted to surprise!!

So....Erin is blaming me for her not getting her way, she is not talking to me, & at mass she wouldn't even hug me. She refused to make her bed and slept on the mattress only last night....things are not good at all here. AND she told me over the weekend that Kait's roommate is fine off of her meds and acts fine....I explained that is because she didn't take them for 3 days but according to Kait she was starting to "flip out" and if that was not normal I wouldn't know what was.

We are trying to be patient but between Kait's visit and Erin's instability things are not going too well around here.

Thanks for listening ~ Goody