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Old 12-03-2006, 04:51 PM   #1
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Lightbulb I think my partner is bipolar

I have read lots of the threads and even read up about bipolar on other sites to get a wide view of what bipolar is and how it affets behaviour.

2 weeks ago my partner came back from a confrence feeling down, I knew he sometimes felt down and was on Aropax for this; Also last year we went on a pubcrawl but this time he decided to let go and get drunk with me and we both had some weed, he doesnt drink at all and both of us do not smoke but gave it a go. Then he got so down he had to tell me he suffered from depression because he felt so dependant on me and also needed me to drive him to the doctors for meds due to not feeling like he could drive himself and because he didnt want to be left alone as we we not living together that the time and ordinarily I would have gone home.

While he was down he was more affectionate than usual and listened to everything i had to say, he also communicated really well and was more open to talking about how he feels. I say he was down because he told me he was feeling weak and tired and like there was a cloud over his head and like his mind was block by something.

Usually when he is on his high he is closed off, and once he reaches his high he stays irritable and closed off untill he gets near to feeling down again then he is open and caring; so i took this oppertunity to try to make him aware of how he can be hurtfull when he behaves badly (ie: one time he thought it would be funny to slap girls on the behind while he drove past them, with me in the vechile... i was very angry!) I havent seen him spending money excessively. But he does do other weird things (I think its weird).

So anyway, we talked and tried to figure out why he felt annoyed for no reason and if there was a trigger that set off his mood changes, even though as far as he is concerned he hasnt had any mood swings, and he isnt mean, Im just being over sensitive. but he did admit that I do not just make things up and he did wonder why he felt unusually down, what set it off...

I was against him going on Aropax again because from the last experience it took 2 weeks and he was a complete jack@$$ and was not supportive of me in anyway, neglected daily hose duties, expected me to spend all my money, picked at everything I did and then got mad about anything at all and then would bite my head off. he has been verbally abusive, but not in the way where he calls me names, he just points out shortcommings or flaws. but thats it just points them out, and its how he points them out.. not only that he was picking on my 9yr old daughter for cheating on her eye toy game.. he went on at her for 2days before i got so mad and we left for a few hours. My daughter is aware that something is not right, and I would never let things get so bad for her that it disturbs her, shes used to different behaviours as i used to look after children with special needs and behavioural problems.

I pull him up every time he starts on me. when I do this he usually says he is sorry and that he doesnt know why he acted like he did (which translates to me as - I dont want to think about why OR - I dont want to tell you) I am going to be doing some councillor papers next year, and I think this will be a big help for us aswel.

I have read that bipolar's tend to push loved ones away.. well this is something I read when someone asked about her bipolar boyfriend

"You've fallen victim to a co-dependant relationship. At this point, your boyfriend is facing a number of issues that have nothing to do with you and he fears abandonment. This is the explanation for his verbal abuse, where in a normal situation, if someone had that much animotisty towards you to verbally abuse you, that would indicate he doesn't want to be with you. But that is not the case, he's verbally abusing you, because he's feels inadequate and those feelings, coupled with other forms of depression he's harvesting are very hard to cope with. His verbal abuse is really just a subliminal cry for help. He want's you to know how much he's hurting, but he can't expresses properly because he has no sense of self right now."

I have looked through all the symptoms and I am very sure he is bipolar...

my questions are...

- Will I be able to help him through this or is it something he HAS to do on his own?

- How do I get him to acknowledge that he may have bipolar without causing a huge problem or rift between us?
He is on a high at the moment, its week 2 of taking the Aropax. i read on the Aropax site that if you are bipolar then Aropax isnt right for him, and then researched the effects. I am worried and i want him to feel as close to "the norm" as possible.

- what steps should i take to open his eyes to this and how should I go about getting him to go see a doctor or Councillor?

I want him to get tested but im not sure he will just do it. has anyone else been able to get their partner to go for the test and how did you do it. I really love my partner and i dont want him to feel ailenated or like im trying to say hes crazy, coz i dont think that all.. he did once say he felt schizophrenic coz he was sad one minute and then really overly happy the next and it was really confusing coz he didnt know where it was comming from or how to feel.

Any help, or input would be very much appreciated.

Last edited by miss_pelld; 12-03-2006 at 08:18 PM.

 
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Old 12-04-2006, 02:16 PM   #2
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Lanugo HB User
Re: I think my partner is bipolar

Could you go to see his doctor and express your fears?

Lanugo x

 
Old 12-04-2006, 07:50 PM   #3
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Posts: 1,232
Llama HB User
Re: I think my partner is bipolar

Maybe you could show him some posts from this site or the symptom post at the top on this site. Tell him you think he should see a psychiatrist to get help. Good luck to you and your partner.

 
Old 12-06-2006, 05:06 PM   #4
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 12
miss_pelld HB User
Re: I think my partner is bipolar

Thank you for your ideas, I hes at the point where he is being closed off right now, and he doesnt have a GP he does have a doctor clinic he goes to with like 7 doctors and he sees who ever is free... showing him the site will send him into instant close down and i know i will be sleeping on the couch again.

I did think of going to the doctor, but then i wouldnt know who to talk to... any ideas will help greatly, even if i cant use the specific ideas i will be able to atleast have a stepping stone to go off or something to spark another idea...

I am so gratefull for the replies, thanks heaps.. Im almost at the end, i dont know how much more i can take.

 
Old 12-08-2006, 12:27 PM   #5
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shellshot HB User
Re: I think my partner is bipolar

Quote:
Originally Posted by miss_pelld
I have read lots of the threads and even read up about bipolar on other sites to get a wide view of what bipolar is and how it affets behaviour.

2 weeks ago my partner came back from a confrence feeling down, I knew he sometimes felt down and was on Aropax for this; Also last year we went on a pubcrawl but this time he decided to let go and get drunk with me and we both had some weed, he doesnt drink at all and both of us do not smoke but gave it a go. Then he got so down he had to tell me he suffered from depression because he felt so dependant on me and also needed me to drive him to the doctors for meds due to not feeling like he could drive himself and because he didnt want to be left alone as we we not living together that the time and ordinarily I would have gone home.

While he was down he was more affectionate than usual and listened to everything i had to say, he also communicated really well and was more open to talking about how he feels. I say he was down because he told me he was feeling weak and tired and like there was a cloud over his head and like his mind was block by something.

Usually when he is on his high he is closed off, and once he reaches his high he stays irritable and closed off untill he gets near to feeling down again then he is open and caring; so i took this oppertunity to try to make him aware of how he can be hurtfull when he behaves badly (ie: one time he thought it would be funny to slap girls on the behind while he drove past them, with me in the vechile... i was very angry!) I havent seen him spending money excessively. But he does do other weird things (I think its weird).

So anyway, we talked and tried to figure out why he felt annoyed for no reason and if there was a trigger that set off his mood changes, even though as far as he is concerned he hasnt had any mood swings, and he isnt mean, Im just being over sensitive. but he did admit that I do not just make things up and he did wonder why he felt unusually down, what set it off...

I was against him going on Aropax again because from the last experience it took 2 weeks and he was a complete jack@$$ and was not supportive of me in anyway, neglected daily hose duties, expected me to spend all my money, picked at everything I did and then got mad about anything at all and then would bite my head off. he has been verbally abusive, but not in the way where he calls me names, he just points out shortcommings or flaws. but thats it just points them out, and its how he points them out.. not only that he was picking on my 9yr old daughter for cheating on her eye toy game.. he went on at her for 2days before i got so mad and we left for a few hours. My daughter is aware that something is not right, and I would never let things get so bad for her that it disturbs her, shes used to different behaviours as i used to look after children with special needs and behavioural problems.

I pull him up every time he starts on me. when I do this he usually says he is sorry and that he doesnt know why he acted like he did (which translates to me as - I dont want to think about why OR - I dont want to tell you) I am going to be doing some councillor papers next year, and I think this will be a big help for us aswel.

I have read that bipolar's tend to push loved ones away.. well this is something I read when someone asked about her bipolar boyfriend

"You've fallen victim to a co-dependant relationship. At this point, your boyfriend is facing a number of issues that have nothing to do with you and he fears abandonment. This is the explanation for his verbal abuse, where in a normal situation, if someone had that much animotisty towards you to verbally abuse you, that would indicate he doesn't want to be with you. But that is not the case, he's verbally abusing you, because he's feels inadequate and those feelings, coupled with other forms of depression he's harvesting are very hard to cope with. His verbal abuse is really just a subliminal cry for help. He want's you to know how much he's hurting, but he can't expresses properly because he has no sense of self right now."

I have looked through all the symptoms and I am very sure he is bipolar...

my questions are...

- Will I be able to help him through this or is it something he HAS to do on his own?

- How do I get him to acknowledge that he may have bipolar without causing a huge problem or rift between us?
He is on a high at the moment, its week 2 of taking the Aropax. i read on the Aropax site that if you are bipolar then Aropax isnt right for him, and then researched the effects. I am worried and i want him to feel as close to "the norm" as possible.

- what steps should i take to open his eyes to this and how should I go about getting him to go see a doctor or Councillor?

I want him to get tested but im not sure he will just do it. has anyone else been able to get their partner to go for the test and how did you do it. I really love my partner and i dont want him to feel ailenated or like im trying to say hes crazy, coz i dont think that all.. he did once say he felt schizophrenic coz he was sad one minute and then really overly happy the next and it was really confusing coz he didnt know where it was comming from or how to feel.

Any help, or input would be very much appreciated.

mis_pelld, you don't really know how much it has helped me to read your bullentin. My husband for 12 yrs has told me that I am the crazy one and everything is my fault. I mean everything. I had to ask him to leave our home after one of his episodes on Thankgsgiving Day. I love my husband very much but he verbally abused me some terrible in front of our 11 yr. old
daughter i felt like I has no choice. but it hurts me some awful. My husband is also on dialysis I feel like I am the cruel person but iI am just tired of the abuse. I wish just once he would see his self and stop trying to convienc me on a daily basis that I AM Sick!

 
Old 12-08-2006, 10:34 PM   #6
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 12
miss_pelld HB User
Re: I think my partner is bipolar

Hello shellshot,

Sorry to hear you suffer the same pain as i do… you are not crazy.. why don’t you challenge him to a test then? (with a doctor or councilor) Tell him you will go for a test but he has to as well?

Im waiting for my partner to say I am crazy or something like that, but he never would call me names or anything, just look for flaws… but if he ever by chance does call me crazy then I will challenge him to a test.

It is very hard… I mean, I am way more educated now than when i first posted last week, but I still know so little about how to deal with my partner...

I find it really hard to see some really good solutions to the verbal abuse, and the extreme negative vibe i get when i just enter the room, because i cant take a step back so I can look at my relationship properly... mostly due to his attitude of “you abandoned me” or “Im going to go away and make you feel lonely too” when I return from going to my sisters or mothers for the night.

I feel stuck… but I love my partner and I am not quite ready to leave him. He is my perfect ideal of what I have always wanted in a man, except for the mood swings… goh.. there’s always one thing huh… lol…

I am glad it has helped youto read that you are not alone, and I hope you continue to reach out on these boards because, although I have only been here for a week or so, it has helped me so much, I don’t feel as down now because I know other people know exactly how I feel and I even have found someone on here who is so parallel with my relationship and the way it is going, its freaky!

No matter what, you should not feel guilty about feeling abused. Even given his condition, that chain of thought has helped me stand up for myself and instruct my partner to cut it out.

I have implemented a new thing in the relationship… when he picks at me I jokingly poke my finger softly into his thigh… this is how I did it so it is a fun thing and he wont get upset at me, and I don’t even have to say anything…

He was picking at me, I said.. “stop picking ****, right, (nice smiles) Im going to poke you everytime you pick (more smiles)” and he gave a bit of a chuckle like “the cheek of you”, but I poke him everytime I think he is picking at me, and I usually have a smile or a non angry but firm look on my face, so he knows it is not acceptable, and actually, now that I think about it, I poked him today and didn’t even look at him, but he got the message and said sorry.

The picking will probably never stop but it has cut down loads!

You might be able to do the poking for something else that he does.

I also have just newly today decided to implement running my finger along the back of his hand softly when he insults me… I always say it once before I try something new and I follow up reminders about why im doing it only on the first day, ie: “don’t insult me silly” (with smiles)

Always make it a positive way of saying no… well that’s just my opinion because my partner is stubborn and grumpy at times, so I have to use that approach or he will tell me to get ****** lol.

Im really into psychology and have done some studying about that dog.. lol I already forgot the name of the guy who conditioned his dog to salivate at the ding of a bell…
And I also amusingly read up about femdom and how masters and mistresses train a submissive as similar techniques were used… I know this might sound really silly or sick even to some, but I am at the point where I am willing to give anything a go because my partner thinks he’s not acting out of the norm and I know he wont “just” go see a doctor because I ask him to. Its not that he doesn’t love me enough I think, I think it would make him feel like I was suggesting he was weak or something.

Well I better go and do some replies, I hope you are able to try the poke or finger on the back of the hand technique…

Take care
Jo

 
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