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Old 05-06-2007, 03:20 PM   #1
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lhawkin HB User
Unhappy Help me understand him....

I am in love with a wonderful man. We have been together for 14 months. Things seemed so good. He was kind, always bringing flowers, going to dinner, etc. Then I began noticing that he had this belief that the govt was watching him. He thinks that most of the people at work are out to get him. Recently, he had been under a lot of stress. He accused a coworker of threatening to hurt him because he has hurt me. That makes no sense due to the fact that the coworker barely knows me!! He says that when he was in the Army, he was mandated to guard a Nuclear Reactor that was leaking. He thinks the receptionist at the VA Hospital doesn't get him appts because he is a Democrat??
I am struggling to understand whether he has an illness or has just lost interest in me. I want to help if I can. I cannot understand how a man so wonderful to me can just change. He stays away now and the only time I communicate with him is when I call him. If he misses my call he will call back but he never just picks up the phone to call me. When we do talk, it is about all the things that people have done to him. According to him everyone is out to get him. I feel that something is terribly wrong and I want to help. He has a hard time making eye contact with me. Recently, I asked him why he couldn't look at me and he said it was because he is ashamed. He never told me what he was ashamed of. A man who was so full of emotion and love has just suddenly become blank. No real expression. No real nothing.

I went to the psych clinic with him recently and the receptionist asked if he had been there before. He said he had a few years ago. After the visit with the doctor, she prescribed a medicine called Quetiapine. I researched it and found that it is used to treat schiz. Does anyone know if it is used for other illnesses?

Can anyone tell me what the best course of action is for me to help him. Do I just let him be or do I continue to contact him and talk? Really need someone with experience in this to help me.

Last edited by lhawkin; 05-14-2007 at 06:55 PM. Reason: need responses

 
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Old 05-14-2007, 06:57 PM   #2
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Re: Help me understand him....

Somebody please reply ...

 
Old 05-14-2007, 09:26 PM   #3
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Re: Help me understand him....

I mean the receptionist probably didn't help him because he was a democrat.Maybe I think that way because I am ill also.However if he is willing to help himself then I say be by his side it may be a bumpy ride, but the question is are you prepared for what's in store in the future?I sincerely hope you can find an answer to your question.I also wish you the best of luck.

 
Old 05-14-2007, 09:55 PM   #4
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Re: Help me understand him....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lonely810810 View Post
I mean the receptionist probably didn't help him because he was a democrat.Maybe I think that way because I am ill also.However if he is willing to help himself then I say be by his side it may be a bumpy ride, but the question is are you prepared for what's in store in the future?I sincerely hope you can find an answer to your question.I also wish you the best of luck.
Thank-you for responding. There is so much that I don't understand. I want to help him. Hopefully, I can talk to you about it??????

 
Old 05-15-2007, 05:54 AM   #5
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Re: Help me understand him....

Your welcome it wasn't much info.As far as me helping you I am still trying to help myself.I was on meds then got off so right now I am having a hard time getting stabilized.I know that there are support groups out there however for like family and friends of loved ones who suffer from illness.I am not sure on the name.I know that I have put my family through alot with my issues.I am sure though with the support group there is an onsite counselor who can help answer your questions.Plus you always have here again and other health boards.

 
Old 05-15-2007, 08:30 AM   #6
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Re: Help me understand him....

You're right. I am so engaged in my situation that the fact that you stated you were struggling went right over my head. I am sorry. I had waited over a week for someone to reply and when you did, I just took the ball and started to run with it. I will be posting and responding in the days to come and hope that you will get the support and love that you need to recover. I hope we talk agian.
God bless you.....

 
Old 05-15-2007, 09:14 AM   #7
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Re: Help me understand him....

Hi, hopefully the drug does the trick. It can be trial-and-error when it comes to meds and SZ. I was on respiradal after my psychotic break, which did nothing to help me, then was put on abilify which keeps me clear headed. I hope that your loved one finds a medication that works for him and soon. Paraniod delusions are impossible to control without meds, dispite what my therapist says . My advice is just to listen to him and understand that they are powerful delusions affecting him. Good luck & God bless.

 
Old 05-15-2007, 10:37 AM   #8
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Re: Help me understand him....

May I ask you if what I have described is in any way familiar to you. When experiencing these symptoms, do people usually pull away from the ones closest to them? Do they become isolated? He tells my daughter that he loves and misses her and my son. Me, he keeps saying that I don't believe him and that I never was there to support him when he needed my help. He says things like "you think I'm crazy". I don't though. However, I think that something is wrong. I have always been there. I knew he had been stressed for a few months about some things that were going on in his life but he just woke up one day a totally different person and I cannot seem to reach him. Does any of this sound famiiar?

 
Old 05-15-2007, 11:53 AM   #9
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Re: Help me understand him....

Its the nature of the beast really, to pull away from others. I've had the paranoia its hard to describe. Sound to me like a good man in need of the right meds. As for you, there are conselors and professionals out there to help. They can point you in the right direction as far as coping with the symptoms of the illness and how to communicate with him while he is psychotic. From his point of view: Its hard to trust people when your brain is telling you that these things are real and someone is telling you that they are not real. Hope this helps you. -catman

 
Old 05-15-2007, 03:46 PM   #10
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Re: Help me understand him....

Catman, I like that name. You sound very mature and knowledgeable. Presently I am not even sure he's taking the meds. When we left the clinic I guess I made a mistake and tried explaining to him what the meds he had were for. He barked at that. The clinic just told him it would help him sleep.
Now, with him staying away, I don't know if he is taking the meds.
I hope it is OK for me to correspond with you. You see, I am a mgr for a large company and my family is very old fashioned (siblings). They would probably be telling me to run and not look back. However, I cannot do that. So, I have no one to talk to about this. I have begun searching for support groups. How do I get him to at least entertain the idea that he may really need the meds. Do I agree with all the things he says or do I disagree. Do I pretend that I have the same feelings or do I continue to try to show evidence of the contrary? Your statement earlier today about your mind telling you it's real and someone else telling you it is not has stuck in my head all day. I guess I never looked at it that way. Do you think I can still provide support and love for him or does this outbreak shut me out for life?

 
Old 05-15-2007, 04:16 PM   #11
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Lonely810810 HB User
Re: Help me understand him....

When I replied to the earlier post I am sorry if I came off in the wrong way.I just don't want to lead you in the wrong direction.I have seen some of the other posts and from the sounds of it you said he doesn't want meds who does really though.I am 28 and feel that meds are more harm then good.However my dr. has convinced me into a shot it is called risperdal consta and it is given every 2 weeks.That should be considered as one less oral med.I always say I don't want it but she talks me into it.Just like now I have a new script to be filled and haven't got it filled.Sorry to ramble.Well I hope you can look into the shot option it may work...

 
Old 05-16-2007, 05:48 PM   #12
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Re: Help me understand him....

Anyone:
Someone stated that someone suffering has a hard time knowing what's real and what is not. My loved one came by briefly today and wanted a picture of me and him taken with his camera phone. He also wanted my kids picture in the phone. Is this a possible example of your mind telling you we are bad but your heart still longs? He is very edgy, nervous, and barely sits still. He has a look in his eyes that I've never seen. Eyes are so different. Behavior is not violent, however, it is not normal. How do you convince someone to seek help who doesn't know or believe they need help? Conversations are repetitive. Stuck on the same issues, govt, Bush, unfairness and persecution. This is something I have never come close to experiencing. It is about to drive me up the wall. I sometimes wonder if it is sffecting me this bad, then it must be 10 X's as bad for him.

Do people know they are having a relapse and choose to ignore it? Or do they really not know what is going on? HELP!!

 
Old 05-17-2007, 08:23 AM   #13
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Re: Help me understand him....

it's so ghostly here in this schizophrenia board. i know i have delusions or persecution. i know it i realize it i have told only a couple of people about it just recently because the thoughts at the back of my head have surfaced to my consciousness. i know it is irrational. i don't know what this makes me in the disorder spectrum.

i suspect he seems unstable, nervous, and anxious because of his strong beliefs of being persecuted and the burden of working for the gov't. there is so much that is cocnerning him and he does not know how to control them. apparently, he does not even realize that what is going on is irrational.

maybey ou can comfort him and tell him that it is going to be alright (in the context of his gov't talk and convince him that you know what he is talking about through your comforting).

that's what i would try to do, i wish you all the best. i empathize with you desperation and confusion, but we all are suffering here. you are better off that most who come to this forum. perhaps you should not ask people suffering from SZ like your lover is, per se, but seek help from people who have dealth with these types of cases, or are atleast stable with medication with little signs of the illness.

i sincerely wish both of you wellness andhappiness, i hope this post helps.
take care,

~para

 
Old 05-17-2007, 09:36 AM   #14
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Catman74 HB User
Re: Help me understand him....

Sounds like he is still delusional, until his doctor(s) finds a med that works thats just the way he'll be. There are "red flags" that you have before you go into a full-blown psychosis. It's a gradual slide into the delusions, then the bottom will fall out and you'll be totally psychotic. Seems like he is in the middle, still able to function, but somewhat ruled by the paraniod delusions. It's nice that you allowed him to take your pictures, its unfortunate that he doesn't recognize the need of his meds. Some people just don't ever see it. Hopefully this is not the case with him in the long haul. I'm glad to hear you are looking for a support group. It will help you, if for nothing else, to know you're not alone with the issues that you are dealing with. They could also help you with how to deal with his erratic behavior. Also, glad to hear you aren't "running away" like you think your family might suggest. This is all-to-common. This is the hard part now, once he is on meds that work you CAN have the man you love back WITHOUT the psychosis and delusions. Let me know if you have any more questions or concerns and please keep us updated on how you are doing. -Catman

 
Old 05-18-2007, 12:31 AM   #15
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Re: Help me understand him....

I had one incidence of psychosis when I was 23, more than ten years ago. So I guess you can say I've been able to see it from both sides of the equation. Before my psychosis, I was always one of those people who thought 'No, that could never happen to me.' Until you experience it for yourself you never know how frighteningly real it is - how just a slight chemical change in the brain can affect your perceptions. We are all totally reliant on the sensations of our brains, via our physical senses, for our perception of 'reality'. When that gets jumbled, things get really screwed up. The natural reaction is paranoia. Everything feels frightening and threatening (there is nothing more frightening, after all, than your whole perception of reality falling apart right in front of you). When I had psychosis, I really thought that I was the only sane person - everyone else had something wrong with them and just couldn't see something which I could. It took me maybe about a year to get out of that mindset. (In my case, I had been overdosing on prescription drugs and hadn't been sleeping properly in a long time.) It took a long time to really start to piece myself back together again.

Treatment and doctors are frightening for the schizophrenic. Sometimes, it's because of an awareness of the history of the treatment - which was in the past extreme and barbaric. Most often, it is denial of the problem, which is part of the condition. In my country (Australia) people cannot be forced to take their medication unless they are made ward of the state, or committed to a hospital. I don't know the situation in America. It makes things very frustrating for partners - my sister's former partner and the father of her child is schizophrenic and often refused to take his medication.

I am trying to be sensitive as possible in suggesting that maybe you ask yourself seriously why you want to be with this guy? Some people are instinctive 'helpers' which is fine - a wonderful quality - and I have no doubt that you have the best of intentions, just I think you should fully prepare yourself for what is ahead, otherwise the end situation could possible be more harmful than good for all concerned. Anyway, good luck to you - smw

Last edited by smw73; 05-18-2007 at 12:34 AM.

 
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