I am in love with a wonderful man. We have been together for 14 months. Things seemed so good. He was kind, always bringing flowers, going to dinner, etc. Then I began noticing that he had this belief that the govt was watching him. He thinks that most of the people at work are out to get him. Recently, he had been under a lot of stress. He accused a coworker of threatening to hurt him because he has hurt me. That makes no sense due to the fact that the coworker barely knows me!! He says that when he was in the Army, he was mandated to guard a Nuclear Reactor that was leaking. He thinks the receptionist at the VA Hospital doesn't get him appts because he is a Democrat??
I am struggling to understand whether he has an illness or has just lost interest in me. I want to help if I can. I cannot understand how a man so wonderful to me can just change. He stays away now and the only time I communicate with him is when I call him. If he misses my call he will call back but he never just picks up the phone to call me. When we do talk, it is about all the things that people have done to him. According to him everyone is out to get him. I feel that something is terribly wrong and I want to help. He has a hard time making eye contact with me. Recently, I asked him why he couldn't look at me and he said it was because he is ashamed. He never told me what he was ashamed of. A man who was so full of emotion and love has just suddenly become blank. No real expression. No real nothing.
I went to the psych clinic with him recently and the receptionist asked if he had been there before. He said he had a few years ago. After the visit with the doctor, she prescribed a medicine called Quetiapine. I researched it and found that it is used to treat schiz. Does anyone know if it is used for other illnesses?
Can anyone tell me what the best course of action is for me to help him. Do I just let him be or do I continue to contact him and talk? Really need someone with experience in this to help me.
Last edited by lhawkin; 05-14-2007 at 05:55 PM.
Reason: need responses
I mean the receptionist probably didn't help him because he was a democrat.Maybe I think that way because I am ill also.However if he is willing to help himself then I say be by his side it may be a bumpy ride, but the question is are you prepared for what's in store in the future?I sincerely hope you can find an answer to your question.I also wish you the best of luck.
I mean the receptionist probably didn't help him because he was a democrat.Maybe I think that way because I am ill also.However if he is willing to help himself then I say be by his side it may be a bumpy ride, but the question is are you prepared for what's in store in the future?I sincerely hope you can find an answer to your question.I also wish you the best of luck.
Thank-you for responding. There is so much that I don't understand. I want to help him. Hopefully, I can talk to you about it??????
Your welcome it wasn't much info.As far as me helping you I am still trying to help myself.I was on meds then got off so right now I am having a hard time getting stabilized.I know that there are support groups out there however for like family and friends of loved ones who suffer from illness.I am not sure on the name.I know that I have put my family through alot with my issues.I am sure though with the support group there is an onsite counselor who can help answer your questions.Plus you always have here again and other health boards.
You're right. I am so engaged in my situation that the fact that you stated you were struggling went right over my head. I am sorry. I had waited over a week for someone to reply and when you did, I just took the ball and started to run with it. I will be posting and responding in the days to come and hope that you will get the support and love that you need to recover. I hope we talk agian.
God bless you.....
Hi, hopefully the drug does the trick. It can be trial-and-error when it comes to meds and SZ. I was on respiradal after my psychotic break, which did nothing to help me, then was put on abilify which keeps me clear headed. I hope that your loved one finds a medication that works for him and soon. Paraniod delusions are impossible to control without meds, dispite what my therapist says . My advice is just to listen to him and understand that they are powerful delusions affecting him. Good luck & God bless.
May I ask you if what I have described is in any way familiar to you. When experiencing these symptoms, do people usually pull away from the ones closest to them? Do they become isolated? He tells my daughter that he loves and misses her and my son. Me, he keeps saying that I don't believe him and that I never was there to support him when he needed my help. He says things like "you think I'm crazy". I don't though. However, I think that something is wrong. I have always been there. I knew he had been stressed for a few months about some things that were going on in his life but he just woke up one day a totally different person and I cannot seem to reach him. Does any of this sound famiiar?
Its the nature of the beast really, to pull away from others. I've had the paranoia its hard to describe. Sound to me like a good man in need of the right meds. As for you, there are conselors and professionals out there to help. They can point you in the right direction as far as coping with the symptoms of the illness and how to communicate with him while he is psychotic. From his point of view: Its hard to trust people when your brain is telling you that these things are real and someone is telling you that they are not real. Hope this helps you. -catman
Catman, I like that name. You sound very mature and knowledgeable. Presently I am not even sure he's taking the meds. When we left the clinic I guess I made a mistake and tried explaining to him what the meds he had were for. He barked at that. The clinic just told him it would help him sleep.
Now, with him staying away, I don't know if he is taking the meds.
I hope it is OK for me to correspond with you. You see, I am a mgr for a large company and my family is very old fashioned (siblings). They would probably be telling me to run and not look back. However, I cannot do that. So, I have no one to talk to about this. I have begun searching for support groups. How do I get him to at least entertain the idea that he may really need the meds. Do I agree with all the things he says or do I disagree. Do I pretend that I have the same feelings or do I continue to try to show evidence of the contrary? Your statement earlier today about your mind telling you it's real and someone else telling you it is not has stuck in my head all day. I guess I never looked at it that way. Do you think I can still provide support and love for him or does this outbreak shut me out for life?
When I replied to the earlier post I am sorry if I came off in the wrong way.I just don't want to lead you in the wrong direction.I have seen some of the other posts and from the sounds of it you said he doesn't want meds who does really though.I am 28 and feel that meds are more harm then good.However my dr. has convinced me into a shot it is called risperdal consta and it is given every 2 weeks.That should be considered as one less oral med.I always say I don't want it but she talks me into it.Just like now I have a new script to be filled and haven't got it filled.Sorry to ramble.Well I hope you can look into the shot option it may work...
Anyone:
Someone stated that someone suffering has a hard time knowing what's real and what is not. My loved one came by briefly today and wanted a picture of me and him taken with his camera phone. He also wanted my kids picture in the phone. Is this a possible example of your mind telling you we are bad but your heart still longs? He is very edgy, nervous, and barely sits still. He has a look in his eyes that I've never seen. Eyes are so different. Behavior is not violent, however, it is not normal. How do you convince someone to seek help who doesn't know or believe they need help? Conversations are repetitive. Stuck on the same issues, govt, Bush, unfairness and persecution. This is something I have never come close to experiencing. It is about to drive me up the wall. I sometimes wonder if it is sffecting me this bad, then it must be 10 X's as bad for him.
Do people know they are having a relapse and choose to ignore it? Or do they really not know what is going on? HELP!!
it's so ghostly here in this schizophrenia board. i know i have delusions or persecution. i know it i realize it i have told only a couple of people about it just recently because the thoughts at the back of my head have surfaced to my consciousness. i know it is irrational. i don't know what this makes me in the disorder spectrum.
i suspect he seems unstable, nervous, and anxious because of his strong beliefs of being persecuted and the burden of working for the gov't. there is so much that is cocnerning him and he does not know how to control them. apparently, he does not even realize that what is going on is irrational.
maybey ou can comfort him and tell him that it is going to be alright (in the context of his gov't talk and convince him that you know what he is talking about through your comforting).
that's what i would try to do, i wish you all the best. i empathize with you desperation and confusion, but we all are suffering here. you are better off that most who come to this forum. perhaps you should not ask people suffering from SZ like your lover is, per se, but seek help from people who have dealth with these types of cases, or are atleast stable with medication with little signs of the illness.
i sincerely wish both of you wellness andhappiness, i hope this post helps.
take care,
Sounds like he is still delusional, until his doctor(s) finds a med that works thats just the way he'll be. There are "red flags" that you have before you go into a full-blown psychosis. It's a gradual slide into the delusions, then the bottom will fall out and you'll be totally psychotic. Seems like he is in the middle, still able to function, but somewhat ruled by the paraniod delusions. It's nice that you allowed him to take your pictures, its unfortunate that he doesn't recognize the need of his meds. Some people just don't ever see it. Hopefully this is not the case with him in the long haul. I'm glad to hear you are looking for a support group. It will help you, if for nothing else, to know you're not alone with the issues that you are dealing with. They could also help you with how to deal with his erratic behavior. Also, glad to hear you aren't "running away" like you think your family might suggest. This is all-to-common. This is the hard part now, once he is on meds that work you CAN have the man you love back WITHOUT the psychosis and delusions. Let me know if you have any more questions or concerns and please keep us updated on how you are doing. -Catman
I had one incidence of psychosis when I was 23, more than ten years ago. So I guess you can say I've been able to see it from both sides of the equation. Before my psychosis, I was always one of those people who thought 'No, that could never happen to me.' Until you experience it for yourself you never know how frighteningly real it is - how just a slight chemical change in the brain can affect your perceptions. We are all totally reliant on the sensations of our brains, via our physical senses, for our perception of 'reality'. When that gets jumbled, things get really screwed up. The natural reaction is paranoia. Everything feels frightening and threatening (there is nothing more frightening, after all, than your whole perception of reality falling apart right in front of you). When I had psychosis, I really thought that I was the only sane person - everyone else had something wrong with them and just couldn't see something which I could. It took me maybe about a year to get out of that mindset. (In my case, I had been overdosing on prescription drugs and hadn't been sleeping properly in a long time.) It took a long time to really start to piece myself back together again.
Treatment and doctors are frightening for the schizophrenic. Sometimes, it's because of an awareness of the history of the treatment - which was in the past extreme and barbaric. Most often, it is denial of the problem, which is part of the condition. In my country (Australia) people cannot be forced to take their medication unless they are made ward of the state, or committed to a hospital. I don't know the situation in America. It makes things very frustrating for partners - my sister's former partner and the father of her child is schizophrenic and often refused to take his medication.
I am trying to be sensitive as possible in suggesting that maybe you ask yourself seriously why you want to be with this guy? Some people are instinctive 'helpers' which is fine - a wonderful quality - and I have no doubt that you have the best of intentions, just I think you should fully prepare yourself for what is ahead, otherwise the end situation could possible be more harmful than good for all concerned. Anyway, good luck to you - smw
I'm sorry, I was probably a bit blunt and negative, with the above comment. People with schizophrenia can and do have successful partnerships and families. Have you ever seen the film 'A Beautiful Mind' with Russell Crowe? I thought that, to me, it best represented what it is like to go through psychosis/schizophrenia. My main point is, trying to reason with someone going through acute psychosis is very difficult, perhaps even impossible or inadvisable - it just means nothing to them. You need to take care of yourself as well as your partner and admit the things that perhaps you have no control over, which is sometimes very hard but can be day to day with this sort of thing. All the best.
Hello SMW,
It was nice of you to respond. You know, I've often asked myself the same question. Why do I want to help? The truth of the matter is that the love I have for this man is larger than any obstacle that can be placed in front of me. You would have to know him. Normally, he is kind, caring and great to be with. People thought we had been together years because of the appearance of our relationship. We were the ideal couple. In my heart and soul, I knew this was the man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
His actions toward me were the same.
Sometimes we cannot understand why God chooses the path he does for each of us. Each night I pray for answers, yet I get none. Sometimes I wish that I could wake up and this be a dream , but it is not. I pray for the strength to be able to move on in the event that he never gets the help he needs. As you say, I cannot make him get help. Besides that, he doesn't think he needs help. I have lost someone who, like me, lived and breathed each other. Walks in the park, sitting on the river eating ice cream and watching videos each and every Saturday night. Now, if I can get 10 mins of his undivided attention(govt, persecution, people mistreating him, etc, etc, etc, ) I am lucky. The nervousness, the inabilty to look me in the eye, and all the negative feelings he has, has turned my life upside down, as well.
However, I can't let go. I keep thinking that a miracle will occur and he will come back.
He has had a friend that is 78 yrs old for about 10 years. For whatever reason, he never seemed to be that close with his mother. This friend was more like the person he looked up to as a mother figure. Well, she called me last night because she had not heard from him in three weeks. Totally not like him. She also said that the last time he talked to her she felt that something was wrong. She said she assumed he was intoxicated, however, we both know that he was never the type to consume excessive amounts of alcohol. Anyway, him not calling her is totally out of character. I know he loves her dearly.
So, why do I want to be there? Because I know there is a wonderful man underneath all the dellusion and skepticism. I just don't know if he will ever be that man again. That is the part that I struggle with daily. I sometimes second guess myself and wonder if I am doing myself more harm than good. Well, I don't know. I know I am a strong woman for I have endured a lot of things during my years on this earth. I must say though, I never phanthomed anything of this nature.
How are you? Hope all is well. I would like your opinion. I am acquainted with my loved ones Supervisor and I have been contemplating talking to her about his condition. All I have to go on is the fact that the psych clinic did prescribe Quetiapine for him two weeks ago and I did hear him tell the receptionist that he had been treated there before a couple years ago. In addition, I have witnessed the unusual and erratic behavior.
I thought about telling her that he has been under a lot of stress and has not been sleeping well. As a matter of fact, she mentioned to me that he seems to be agitated, edgy, etc. She would be able to refer him for counseling provided by the company. Of course, this counseling would be by a licensed professional and is supposed to be confidential. They may be able to recommend he seek treatment of some type. What do you think?
Yes, I want my loved one back, but I don't want to allienate him completely.
I don't know if that is the right thing to do or not. As I stated in an earlier post, I was with him at the Psych Clinic when the Dr did an evaluation. She asked if he had ever been seen there before and his response was, "yes, a few years ago". She prescribed Quetiapine. I would like to trust that the Drs on staff are familiar with this and can recognize and diagnose it. The unfortuneate thing is that we are not married, so they will not reveal any info to me. Understandable. Nevertheless, they have not done a follow up call or anything. I would think that if one would prescribe a medication of that kind, one would at least do a follow up.
Anyway, I know that the only ay he is going to get treatment is if he is required to. Do you think that I would be invading his personal space? Would I be going beyond my authority? What do you think? I am just looking for possible answers or opinions.
Very well put SMW!!I think the same as far as how strong is the relationship.I have been with my husband for 11 years so he takes the good with the bad.New relationships which are just budding may not beable to take as much stress.Well thanks to smw for clearing some things.Just a note to add when I first was put into the hospital here they made me take my meds now the last few times I went they didn't make me they just simply told me if I didn't take them they wouldn't let me go home,however there is a rule here where you can sign yourself out and go home 72 hours after you sign it...I hope that clears it up for you about the U.S. smw however it may be different with each state....
Ihawkin, does his supervisor know about his condition? If not, I wouldn't approach the subject with her. There are privacy issues here. If she is aware, I think it would be fine to let her know whats going on lately, but be prepared for a backlash from your loved one, especially if he is paranoid. I don't know if he is bad enough to be forcably committed, which is what you sound like you may be talking about, but I hope not. It really is ashame that he isn't med compliant. Abilify works great for me with few side-effects, maybe ask the doctor about that. In most states the only way that he can be committed is if he is a danger to himself or others. Doesn't sound like he is there yet. Keep trying to get him to take the medications is my advice. It will be trial-and-error to find the right drug/combination that works for him.
Help me understand him.... 
. My advice is just to listen to him and understand that they are powerful delusions affecting him. Good luck & God bless.
-Catman
