Re: I needed to rant
i would guess that after about a year and a half, you've tried to have him see a doctor or therapist about this illness of his. and i'm guessing he's refusing to go. you've probably also suggested going to see someone together, so that he won't feel alone and "singled out" or fearful... i'm only guessing again. i don't know.
i do know that this is a problem for many partners living with a depressed person. for some depressives it takes a long time to admit they need someone else to help them. they think they can manage it on their own. they think they can go through it by themselves, and half the time they don't realize just how MUCH the behavior that stems from their illness impacts those around them. but from what you've been describing (e.g., crying, extra sensitivity, irrationality, blaming you, etc), he is very heavily into a clinical/deep depression at this stage.
i don't know what country you live in, but if you think he is in danger for his life, maybe you can go to a hospital and they can talk with you and give you some ideas on how to deal with this?
also, you are suffering as well!!!! you need to care for yourself too. and, just because you've been in the helping profession, DOES NOT mean you have failed!!!!!! and it does not mean you can help everybody!!!!!!!!--especially when that person is your mate. even if we're doctors, sometimes, we cannot help those closest to us, no matter how hard we try.
does his family know? is he close to someone in his own family--i mean really close, who can maybe talk him into going to a dr?
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...