My partner is suffering from depression - he's had it for about a year and a half now. He's a highly sensitive person - although thats a blessing, it can also intensify his depression and emotions, reactions etc.
I live with him in a foreign country where I cant speak or read the language much and I just needed to come here today for my own sanity!! I just need tobe a little selfish and get it all out on here, so bear with me.
I want to support him as much as possible, I try to, but I'm afraid that I am failing lately. I am getting really fed up with living with doctor jeckly and Mr Hyde. Its the moods, the irrationality, the extreme defensiveness, the constant tears, the hopelessness. He attacks me and blames me and everyone else for feeling blue. I know to a certain extent, this has legitimacy, but at what point do you stop that and start to take responsibility for your own feelings????? Sorry - I just have to rant here - I have noone else to talk to overe here.
Yesterday he came home a different person - there is no consistency in his mood - I never know which mood to trust - the most I can do is accept that he is feeling that way at the time, and try to understand this is his depression. Its hard though when the night before he is in tears and then the next day he kinda lives on the surface with a funny kind of empty smile.
When we argue its like talking to an irrational person. We need to stop arguing. He's acutely sensitive to any sort of criticism.
Im trying to find someone to help here.
I read the other day that the biggest challenge for souls who want to help is not to try and fulfill your purpose so much but to accept your own light...I think that is partially what he is going through now.
Please, GWS, he has so much ability and so much to look forward to!!!
As an ex person in the helping profession... I feel like Ive failed too. I cant believe how irratible I am becoming with all of this..I guess thats my ego talking and I am human too. I am losing my patience, I never wanted to do that. Its the irrationality I cant handle the most. Its like you cant have a relationship because you can never say how you feel properly..I even have to watch how I say how he farts.......its its critical I get blasted.
I'm scared that when I fly home he is going to spiral down even further.
i would guess that after about a year and a half, you've tried to have him see a doctor or therapist about this illness of his. and i'm guessing he's refusing to go. you've probably also suggested going to see someone together, so that he won't feel alone and "singled out" or fearful... i'm only guessing again. i don't know.
i do know that this is a problem for many partners living with a depressed person. for some depressives it takes a long time to admit they need someone else to help them. they think they can manage it on their own. they think they can go through it by themselves, and half the time they don't realize just how MUCH the behavior that stems from their illness impacts those around them. but from what you've been describing (e.g., crying, extra sensitivity, irrationality, blaming you, etc), he is very heavily into a clinical/deep depression at this stage.
i don't know what country you live in, but if you think he is in danger for his life, maybe you can go to a hospital and they can talk with you and give you some ideas on how to deal with this?
also, you are suffering as well!!!! you need to care for yourself too. and, just because you've been in the helping profession, DOES NOT mean you have failed!!!!!! and it does not mean you can help everybody!!!!!!!!--especially when that person is your mate. even if we're doctors, sometimes, we cannot help those closest to us, no matter how hard we try.
does his family know? is he close to someone in his own family--i mean really close, who can maybe talk him into going to a dr?
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...
Except for not living in a foreign country, your 'rant' is exactly what I would write about my own situation.
At this point my partner has removed himself from our home to spend time by himself. Fortunately, he has a safe (family owned) place to stay.
I want you to know you are not alone. That is one scary/supportive thing about reading these boards - the numbers of people on both sides of the fence so to speak who are experiencing/learning about and coping this mental devil.
Hold on and as already said by another - - do take care of yourself.
Your partner is in extreme need of help... EXTREME.
He probably can't grasp what it is, but he knows something is wrong.
You are also living in an unstable, insecure environment, in that you never know what kind of mood he's going to be in, and it probably changes by the minute.
There's no way around this: he's got to have some help. Medical help ASAP!!!
Does he have family there where you are that can talk to him and tell him he needs to see a doctor about his condition?
A lot of people don't believe depression is a real illness, and just shuck it off as something he needs to "snap out of".
Get him some help, if you can. Get yourself some as well.