In love with a paranoid schizophrenic who can't love me back
I am a woman who is in love with a paranoid schizophrenic. He and I have known each other for over a year, and we love each other deeply. But because of his past as a man who used to steal other men's wives, he has taken an oath of celibacy, as he has remained for the past 8 years. His guilt over his past dealings with women is what makes him scared to take the romantic plunge. One minute he acts content to be without a woman, but then the next he will express (almost to the point of tears) how much he longs for a woman to hold and love.
I have tried to tell him that I am the woman he seeks, but he claims that he and I are meant for some higher purpose and that if we took our relationship into a romantic mode, it would corrupt us. He also says that a romantic relationship would cause him to "open pandora's box," and that he might go woman-crazy all over again.
What's worse, is that he used to tell me how beautiful I was, but then all of a sudden, after looking at a few other women who are more voluptuous than myself, he tells me I am now physically unattractive. Then he says to me that he couldn't be with me (not because I am unattractive) but because I don't feel good about myself as I am. Tell me, how can I feel good about myself if the only man I love more than my own life tells me I am unattractive to him?
So much has happened between us that suggests that we are made in heaven for each other ... soul mates, parallel lives, the whole bit. He tells me he loves me constantly, and that I am special to him. And indeed the feeling is mutual! But then, sadly, I can't get close enough to him to express the kind of love I know he wants deep-down. It pains me to know that I love him purely - the way he wants so badly and that he does not want to accept it from me. I tell him that GOD has graciously blessed him with a woman who is able to love him unconditionally, and that he just doesn't like the giftwrap! Not too long ago, looks never mattered to him. I guess in time, he will go back to the way he once was. This emotional roller-coaster ride gets even more strange by the day! It's like his brain changes channells or something!
Anyway, all this has me in a fit. Is it the schizophrenia that is keeping us apart romantically? or just the real guy? I mean, this is like dealing with Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde!