BP Brother...I need help! - Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill Message Board

jaybee333 · 09-11-2007, 06:06 PM

My brother is bi-polar. he is manic in the summer and around the fall gets depressed and thats lasts all winter. he won't take med's or admit he is bi-polar (he's been diagnosed). he's been doing drugs (which he also denies) He's stolen, lied, cheated, can't hold a job and lives for free at home (at 29!!) He doesn't play bills, over draws from the bank and has claimed bankruptcy, attacked me, verbally abuse my father, had grand ideas and scams that he thinks can work (leading to more debt), the list goes on and on. My parent have also paid of thousands in debt to credit cards and other people. We no longer give him money. i think we should have an intervention, my mom says she'll keep doing what ever it takes, because she's afraid he'll kill himself, she doesn't think it will work. I can't take it. He leans on my when he depressed and other wise won't talk to me. i pay OUR cell phone bill, usually around $100. since he's been manic they have been 3-4 hundred dollars each!! and he hasn't given me a dime ever to help pay it. i had to have his cell turned off cause now i can't pay it.which also scares me cause he can't be reached -ever. He turns our lives upside down and doesn't care about our family or anyones feelings.Everwhere i go people tell me weird things he does or says, everytime the phone rings my heart drops. I'm his little sister and I take care of him. I'm not sure i can anymore and if i don't i'm not sure what will happen. Our parent are divorced, my sister has alot on her plate, my mom tries, my dad denies he's bp (dad has ptsd) Has anyone ever tried and intervention? do they work? ANy help at allll would be appreciated thanks. lost in ny...

4support · 09-11-2007, 10:12 PM

Dear jaybee,

Welcome to the board.

I am so sorry for what you are going thru, I can just hear the desperation in your voice. I am married to a BP husband and I can tell you that I completely understand what you and your family are dealing with. There are many on here who suffer with BP who can give you good insight on what an intervention might or might not do. Unfortunately, when someone is manic or depressed, many times they are difficult to reach, especially if they are not on meds to help! With my husband, he was in total denial 4 yrs ago when he was dx, he was truly unreachable and thought everyone else had the problem but himself. We went thru periods of time where he would treat me the worst and I was his biggest supporter. I just know that if your brother is not thinking rationally at the moment, an intervention might not produce the result you are hoping for.

One note of advice, it's easy to feel broken down by a person suffering with BP. The nightmare seems neverending and those taking care of or worrying about the BP one end up drained, upset, frustrated, or depressed themselves. Try to remember that this is an illness, and not your brother's true character. Many of the things he is doing are irrational, and he is going to have a hard time realizing that when he is not medicated or getting the help he needs.

I am sure you will receive some insightful feedback from many on here, all who understand and have been thru the same situations on both ends.

It may help to see a good psychotherapist as well, for yourself to cope, maybe even for your mother, and to ask them what the best route would be to help your brother. The denial is common, but unfortunately if he doesn't receive the treatment he needs soon, the illness can worsen.

Please keep posting, we're all here to help!!

Best Regards,
4support

Dee-nah · 09-12-2007, 06:24 AM

I know when my family came to me they picked "the right time" i was neither maniac nor depressed (maybe more towards depressed then anything).. Basically I was thinking properly at the time and the RIGHT time is key when it comes down to expressing your feelings to someone that is BP so that they "get it" rather then tuning you out and trying to think of a comeback to make it seem like they are being attacked. You can't comprehend what is being said to you when at the same time you are thinking of a comeback if that makes sense...

Another suggestion is DO NOT attack and be as sincere as you possible can so he knows that he is being cared for rather then digusted with.

Good luck and let us know what happens.. At 29 he needs accept responsibility for his actions but being unmedicated I'm afraid that this will never happen... Put the ball in his court BUT again pick the right time.. Timing is everything..

jaybee333 · 09-12-2007, 07:23 PM

Thank you for responding! I just found out that he quit his "summer" job a week ago, although he denies it to us. The problem with finding the right time is that he has such extremes that he's never really even. He's either really high can do anything or is really low, embarassed about his previous behavior and wants to die and does nothing. It's been so many years and each year we think maybe this year he'll finally realize, but it never happens. With his lack of meds I'm afraid he may never realize and just continue to cycle. I know some people with bp do realize but I wonder what it's going to take for him? I'm afraid he's either going to end up in jail or even dead if he doesn't realize soon. I know that there are sucess stories and that's all the hope I really have. At this point I'm just so mad at him, but I do also know somewhere inside that it's not really him. Thanks for the support and understanding since it seems that no one else does