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BP Sister - please help!

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Old 09-12-2007, 08:45 PM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
Posts: 5
Gen79 HB User
Exclamation BP Sister - please help!


Finding this board has been one of the best things in my life! I have an older sister, she's in her early 30's, I'm in my late 20's. My sister is but a shell of her former self. A few years back she was an honest, hard-working, devoted professional and sibling. She was ALWAYS there for me, she was always there for my mom. She got us through one of the darkest times of our lives through love, determination and her ability to step up to the plate and take control where it was needed.

She has worked in the restaurant industry since she was 16 years old. Since then she went from strength to strength and earned a job as ops manager for one of the best 10 restaurants in Cape Town. That's when the trouble started.

Once we discovered she's bipolar, we realised she had a severe drug habit. My mom and I basically robbed Peter to pay Paul in order to get her into the best private rehab clinic. Things started looking up when her psychiatrist placed her on meds, and during her time at rehab she seemed like a changed person. My mom and I were so very happy, but cautiously so, as we didn't want to be let down. She had been involved with her then-boss for about five years (my sister is lesbian). During her time at rehab she was told that her girlfriend was toxic, to which she agreed. She vowed never to see this woman again, having "realised" what an insanely bad infuence this woman had on her. As lovers, this woman would leave all the work at the restaurant to my sister, who happily took it on being in-love with her etc., blah blah. My sister said that she just couldn't deal with the demanding working hours, plus additional workload stacked on her by her boss (who owned the restaurant). She told us that was why she turned to cocaine, to be "awake enough to do everything". This girlfriend was having a breakdown (oh please! she was a lazy cow who knew my sister had a history of over-extending herself for loved ones, and thus took advantage of that). The restaurant closed down after seven years, and F (the girlfriend) just couldn't handle it, so she left everything up to my sister. My sister went on a drinking binge, resulting in F pushing her down 2 flights of stairs. F then dropped her off at my house (my sister had split her head open and needed immediate emergency medical care). Well my boyfriend went nuts at F for doing this. Her excuse for not taking G to the hospital was "I don't have enought petrol" which was complete BS as my house is further than the hospital (in face, you have to drive past the hosp to get to my house)!! Anyway my mom and I got her to the emergency room. That's when we made the decision to place her in rehab.

She seemed to make such immense progress at rehab, and told us that she was so sorry for all the hurt and pain she's caused us. She told us she never wanted to see F again as she was a master manipulater an an enabler.

Two months after rehab G admitted she was still seeing F. Nice one. This woman has phoned me at work and cursed me, I have no clue why, she's send vulgar text msg's to my mom and I, which I showed my sister! My mom and I realised that by fighting the relationship, we would push G further away, as we were always the "baddies", so we accepted it. My mom fell ill and required 24 hour care. As I worked all day I couldn't provide this,G could. So my mom went to stay with G and F for two weeks. During that time they stole cheque's, withdrew thousands from my mom's bank account, stole her pain meds, they basically ripped her off big time!

G told us that her relationship was over, and moved in with my mom. She has continued to steal cheques and cash, she takes my mom's car without permission, she has also stolen thousands from my grandparents who are pensioners. My sister also took herself off her meds, although my father still deposits the money into her bank account for said meds every month. G is completely irrational, she goes ballistic when confronted with anything. She disappears for hours on end and then tells my mom she went to buy milk!!! At 2a.m.!!! F is working in the middle east, and G told us she is seeing someone she met at AA and NA. This woman, who she's being seeing for months, does not exist. Her cell number doesn't exist, nobody at her work place has ever heard of her (I did some checking up, as I smelt a huge rat!), yet when presented with these facts G still lied to my face and said I'm wrong! She refused to admit her problems, she's living off my mother, plus stealing from her, my mother had to take out a massive loan to pay off G's debts. She can't hold down a job, same excuses as always. I mean, clearly she's lying! My mom and I don't know what to do. We've done everything possible. If we speak to G's psychiatrist, he'll put her on the med again, but we cannot force her to take them. I am at such a loss. My grandparents are devastated by her actions, as are my mom and I. She really seems not to care who she's hurting! She has also stolen money from me, and my pain meds. I have rheumatoid arthritis, and my rheumatologist gave me a script for 20 Valeron, which are opiates (although not mood-altering) for the extremely painful days. My sister felt NOTHING for stealing my pills, money etc.

I am so extremely worried about my mom. I am at a complete loss. Please help me, I am absolutely desperate.

Thanks for a wonderful board,

Love Gen

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Old 09-13-2007, 09:40 AM   #2
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Upstate NY, USA
Posts: 28
jaybee333 HB User
Re: BP Sister - please help!

I understand your pain. My brother has BP and does so many of the same things that your sister does. He is not on med's and contiunes to steal, lie, act irrationally and the list goes on and on I'm sure you know. I've been going through this with him for years. I am also a younger sibling trying to help save my older brothers life. I am at a loss as well since I have no answers and that's why I'm here too. I know we cant make them do anything, i've tried.They have to make the decison and stick to it other wies it will continue to be a cycle- (forever- I'm afriad) I'm willing to do what ever it takes. I've found that even just using this board has helped a little in knowing that I'm not alone. I'm sure we have a lot of the same feeling, concerns and issues due to our loved ones bp. I'm here if you need to talk or vent. Hope everything gets better of alll of us.

Old 09-15-2007, 09:39 PM   #3
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
Posts: 5
Gen79 HB User
Re: BP Sister - please help!

Thank you J! I'm sure you know what it feels like to get a reply, and yours touched my heart. I actually read your post before I submitted mine, and I must tell you I got goosebumps when I read your story. It's actually like a carbon copy of what my mom and I are dealing with now. I decided to send my own story as I'm not quite sure the difference in brain chemistry between a man and a woman - but every last word of yours resonated. We're just so desperate, but just knowing there are others out there who are going through the exact same thing, plus I get to read their stories and correspond with them, makes a massive difference.

Again, my most sincere gratitude for your reply. You are an godsend!!!

Thank you so much. You've made my day, no, my month!

How are things panning out with your brother? My thoughts are with you, we are in the same boat.

I will continue to read your post and accompanying replies (if you do not mind). Strength to youand your family.

Love Gen

Old 09-16-2007, 02:01 PM   #4
Join Date: May 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 5,813
goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: BP Sister - please help!

Hey, Gen....I am sorry that your post went unnoticed by seems that it came in at a time that I had many things happening on the homefront.

I have 2 daughters, a 16 year old and 18 year old both of who have exhibited similar behaviors as your older sister. My 16 year old definitely has BP/ADD and my 18 year old was just diagnosed ADD/Mood Disorder NOS (not otherwise specified) about three weeks ago.

The behavior you describe sounds like hypomania with the impulsive behaviors such as the stealing of meds and money, self medication with pain meds and the habitual lying. Once stabilized my younger daughter is doing quite well, she shared with me that she no longer feels that rush of stealing everytime she went into a store or taking money out of my purse. So your sister must not be taking her meds as prescribed or just hasn't found the right ones. Do you know what meds she is on???

It is sooo heartbreaking to see somebody who had it so together all of a sudden taken over by this disorder.....I thought I would never get my daughter back but I am here to tell you that there IS hope because she has been doing quite well. My older daughter seems to exhibit more of the ADD characteristics and/or a soft BP which hopefully will respond well once she is at a therapeutic dose of her med that she just recently started.

You cannot rationalize with somebody who is in a hypomanic state....their way is the way it is and there is nothing that is going to stand in the way of their wants or their needs at the given moment. They are in what is referred to as "mission mode" and will do just about anything to get what they want and run down anybody that stands in their way. Their mind is "stuck" in that state and how they see things, as irrational and illogical as it may seem to you or I, makes complete sense to them to the point that everybody else is wrong. Until they are on a med that will stabilize this state they are in there is really no getting through to them. You need to look for that window of opportunity to will come when they hit rock bottom and start seeing that something is wrong and seem as if they don't know what is happening or why they are doing what they are doing and that is the time to act and bring them in to get the help that they need. Your sister is older and you cannot force her to do anything unless she is wanting to do it for herself. I hope that this happens for your sister and your family is so very painful to live this nightmare of seeing a loved one's world unraveling before our eyes and not able to do anything. SOmehow let her know that you love her and that there is hope of things getting better and that you are there to help her once she is able to see it for herself.

I am glad that you came here....there are many here who understand how difficult and painful it is to see a loved one being taken over by this disorder. But there is treatment that can definitely bring some normalcy and happiness back into everybody's lives. Unfortunately, it won't happen until your sister finds the right meds and finds stability.

Please keep us posted with how things are going for your sister and your family. I have a good feeling that she will eventually make it through because it is quite obvious that she has a wonderful loving family.

(((((HUGS))))) ~ Goody

Old 09-16-2007, 07:39 PM   #5
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Upstate NY, USA
Posts: 28
jaybee333 HB User
Re: BP Sister - please help!

I've read quite a few of your post and tghey are so helpful and you seem to know so much! The "mission mode" that you discussed is exactly what my brother is in, it is a scary place. I know you say that you have to wait till rock bottom but I feel like he's there now. It seems that there is no hope to get him on meds since he doesn't like the way they make him feel and he refuses to try other meds. He's been doing drugs to escape (or at least thats what i think) and I'm not sure how much lower he can go. He's done some awful things to our family and his friends (I'm not sure if you read my post about him?) I was just look for a little help and you seem to have great advice. Thanks!

I hope things are going good with you, you sister and family. I'm thinking of you.

<3 J

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