My Brother - Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill Message Board

Toga124 · 06-29-2008, 06:38 PM

I am 22 and my brother is 25. Throughout our childhood and present, my brother had always been extremely quiet. He always had very few friends and spent most of the time by himself. I however, had quite a few friends and was his exact opposite socially. Even with this few friends, my brother never showed any signs of depression or anything to show that he was insecure. I think my brother always compensated for his lack of social skills and friends by doing very well in school. He was always an honors student, went to an ivy league school and I think he thought he was better then everyone else because of his academic accomplishments. Even in college, our family is pretty sure that he didnt have alot of friends, but I think the fact that he was going to the school he wanted to go to and he liked the city, he was comfortable. About two years ago my brother had to transfer to another school for his last semester for his bachelors, in our old home town. During this time, I happened to visit him for a few days to visit some of my friends and he snapped. I guess all of his few friends had moved away or were busy. He was crying and definetly showed signs of mental instability. So I ended up staying with my friends instead becuase my parents thought it would be best for me to not be present. I was also reluctant to stay with my brother because I know he resents me because I get very similar grades as he did but I am very social, my parents also came to this conclusion so they thought I should stay away from him. So anyways after that semester, he went back to his original undergraduate college to get a graduate degree. Everything was fine for a while but my parents found out a few months before graduating that he was on many antidepressants and was heavily medicated. Since he was too old, he wasnt under their insurance, so they had no way of knowing. So then recently, my brother graduated and has moved to a state he has never been to to start a very good job.

My mom called me the other day and said that my brother had snapped again as he had a few years ago because he has no friends there. Obviously since hes new to the area, hes not going to know anyone. I think my brother had high expectations for making friends even though he doesnt have proper social skills to make friends. I think my brother snapped becuase he finally realized that having very high grades and going to a top school doesnt mean a whole lot if he cant function well socially. However, my brother cannot get another job so he is stuck there for at least a year. My parents and me are at a loss of what to do; I suggested we all try to call him frequently to make sure hes ok but other then suggesting to see a physologist, theres really not a whole lot to do. Espeically since he lives about 10 hours away its not like we could every visit him on a regular basis.

Any ideas?

Thanks!

pppp4444 · 07-19-2008, 10:17 PM

First I want to say, your brothers medication might be the wrong formula. I was on some medication that made me WORSE! So I was switched to 2 drugs: wellbutrin and lexapro, which is supposed to control 2 chemicals in the brain to help balance them out. So you might suggest that if his drugs don't seem to be helping, to ask the doctor about different options.

In a way I can relate to your brother, so maybe I can give you his point of view (maybe his is different, but you can see). I tried very hard to be social when I was younger, but I was picked on, so I didn't have many friends, but I did have a few. Even now I have a hard time making and then keeping friends, and the friends I did have have moved on with their lives and settled down in marriage and just didnt' keep in contact with me. I move from state to state. I always want to move somewhere new thinking that I will move there and everyone will be cool, and not "unfriendly" and not users and take advantage of my niceness, and that I will be popular and have tons of friends and be happy finally.
But of course, that never happens, because like you said, social skills are learned early in life, and I think that you are right, your brother just doesn't have them. Of course, everywhere people are the same, so it is incorrect to think it is the town and the job that I am living now. But I almost get MORE depressed when I think about that, because then I don't have hope. Then it just shows it is me, and that I am doomed to be alone without friends, and everything just going wrong in my life socially. I still struggle with this, but what helped was that my brother-in-law just said, that I was a special person who has deep thoughts and deeper feelings than most people. So no matter where I go I am going to find jerks and I will have a hard time making friends, but that just shows the good person that I am. That I don't get along with superficial people because when I make friends, I really get to know them for who they are and that he really respects that in me. I know, it's corny but it did help. And I think it is true. My life still sucks, and I am still lonely, but it helps when I really focus on it.
And he sounds like the person who bottles it up until the pressure explodes, so it might help to have something to focus on or something to talk to. Even if he resents you, you can still tell him you love and respect him and you want him to be happy. Even if he lashes out at you, it helps to hear it.

Thinks that make me feel better, is just when I feel like crap, I just go to the busy mall and sit and read and watch people. Just being around people, even if I am alone and not talking to them cheers me up. I also started sitting in the sun an hour a day at least and started eating more fish. This stuff is what the doc said to do. I guess it helps. Anyway, I know it is scattered advice, but I hope that it can help in some way.

Things I do to feel better: