It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 09-16-2008, 05:26 PM   #1
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 15
trudz1982 HB User
Schizophrenic Boyfriend

Hi Everyone,

I've had so much trouble with my BF that I just wanted to see if anyone could help or advise. I found this website just through google an hope someone can help me.

First of all I just want to say that I completely love my boyfriend. I know he's clinically paranoid & schizophrenic. But I know he takes his medication and he know his thoughts of killing himself or others are not what he actually wants to do and he feels very strongly that he would never do anything like that and I completely believe him.

The only thing is that our every day life is affected by his illness. I may sound selfish but I want a life where I don't need to worry constantly about what he's going to do.

It was only about 2 months into our relationship when he told me he had to take pills every day to control his disease. He's told me the crazy things he's done in his past...he's tried to kill himself and taken crazy turns at the people closest to him beacause his paranoid thoughts have taken over and he cant help it. But he does regret every minute of it and takes his medication every day to control it.

I love that he accepts his condition and does take the medication, however, a part of it is that he cannot have a "normal" social" life. If I am friendly with anyone, male or female he is extremely paranoid.As an example I'll tell you about when we went out for my birthday recently with my family...brother & wife, sis & husband, cousin & GF and best friends. We went to a pub and I had a wonderful time but the next day he accused me of going off into the toilets with another man!! Now I would never even contemplate doing anything like that and he should know it since we've been together 2 years now but I still have to defend myself.

That isn't the thing which worries me most though because after a while, he realises that he has taken it the wrong way and believes me but the worst is that he is actually so unsociable. Now I am a really friendly and sociable person. I have given up A LOT of my social life because I love him so much and TBH I'd rather be alone with him than be with anyone else anyway. But when we are with other ppl or if i'm on my own out and about, I worry so much what he's going to think that I cant enjoy myself.

For example, I went out on a works night out a few weeks ago and ended up going to a party with my workmates. I called him every hour or so to tell him what was going on...but when I called at 2am, he told me I was to get home NOW or I wasn't getting in!! Now to make you understand, I'm not one for staying out all night but I was enjoying the party with my friends and he should have known there was nothing going on but still, I was made out to be a PHENOMINALLY bad person for doing this. This is one of many things which I'm sure you will have experienced since you are on this board!

Really, what I need is some kind of advice or help in how to properly deal with his moods and paranoia. I've asked to visit the doc or councillor with him but he doesnt like going to either so I'm kinda stuck in this. Because when he's not acting paranoid or even when we just have a drink together....he falls asleep at 10pm because of his pills and anti-depressants so I'm stuck on my own.I know that sounds selfish but because he doesnt want to go out with people,I'm stuck inside drinkin with him til he passes out at ten then I need to amuse myself somehow...buit not by speaking to anyone (god forbid!) He gets paranoid about my friends and I would never tell them what he's going through cos they would just tell me to get rid and thats not what I want.

I just feel like I'm trapped but I do know that he is the most loving and caring person I know. I also love him to bits but TBH I am sitting typing this right now because he can't stay awake. We were watching his football team playing tonight and we had some fun, a few drinks but then he passed out at 10 pm....again. I begged him to stay awake because we hadn't had an evening past 10pm for about 2 months! but he couldn't control it and fell asleep.

I realise that he might not be able to take his medicatoin and drink alcohol but he refuses to accept this and afer about 6 drinks, he's passed out. If I was not a big drinker, I would be OK with this....but I'm a very sociable drinker and like to party maybe once a month or so...I am only 25 lol!! Since he's not happy with me socialising, it has to be with him and we dont get much of an evening if he has a drink.............

ADVICE???????

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 09-16-2008, 05:33 PM   #2
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 15
trudz1982 HB User
Re: Schizophrenic Boyfrien

PS Sorry about the rather long rant!! lol, just hope that maybe someone has a bit of advice or help for me

 
Old 09-16-2008, 06:02 PM   #3
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Earth
Posts: 309
MSD607 HB User
Re: Schizophrenic Boyfrien

He shouldn't be drinking....

You need to do what's best for you. If you feel like your boyfriend is affecting your life in a negative way, you need to do something. And he really shouldn't be drinking.

 
Old 09-16-2008, 06:32 PM   #4
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 15
trudz1982 HB User
Exclamation Re: Schizophrenic Boyfrien

Quote:
Originally Posted by MSD607 View Post
He shouldn't be drinking....

You need to do what's best for you. If you feel like your boyfriend is affecting your life in a negative way, you need to do something. And he really shouldn't be drinking.

I know that he just shouldn't drink but he enjoys being able to get a bit drunk and enjoy himself and I don't want to deprive him of that.

Plus we had an ongoing row about drink because every time we have badly argued it has been through drink.....he was drinking to get really out of it about 4 times a week before we started dating. It took a lot of arguments and him telling me I was trying to control him but finally he agreed only to drink once or twice a week with maybe once or twice a month off as well.

Now he's stuck to that for a few months and he knows that to stay with me he'll have to stick to that. I have told him that what I hope for him is that he will someday be happy going a few weeks without even feeling the need for a drink and knowing that he can get through his day to day life just being happy that he has a loving partner and hopefully someday children.

This is what he wants too. But the urge to escape through drink is very strong for him. And I CAN understand that. If I was in his position, I would probably want to do the same!

I cant ask him to stop drinking because he would think that I was trying to control him.....he doesnt understand that I think it would be the best thing for his health and thinks its unfair that I should expect him to stop drinking when I wont do the same myself.

He is a drinker. But so are most people. If he's not willing to give up his drink a few times a month, what can I do??

I dont want to lose him....I just want him to be happy

 
Old 09-16-2008, 07:20 PM   #5
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Earth
Posts: 309
MSD607 HB User
Re: Schizophrenic Boyfriend

Well, I wouldn't necessarily say that "most people" are drinkers. The only reason I say he shouldn't drink is because it will probably make his psychosis worse. But hey, it's his choice.

 
Old 09-16-2008, 07:45 PM   #6
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 15
trudz1982 HB User
Re: Schizophrenic Boyfriend

Yeah, believe me I know it but what can I do?


lol....seriously? what can I do?!

 
Old 09-16-2008, 07:54 PM   #7
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Earth
Posts: 309
MSD607 HB User
Re: Schizophrenic Boyfriend

Honestly, you can't do anything...which is the worst part.

 
Old 09-16-2008, 08:24 PM   #8
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 15
trudz1982 HB User
Re: Schizophrenic Boyfriend

Yeah it sucks!

But I really do believe that generally, in most peoples lives, that alcohol is a pretty constant thing.

With me personally, i can go a long time without even thinkng about drink but maybe once or twice a month I do like to have a good drink and enjoy myself!

I find it difficult to persuade him that he can do without this.....because he's given up all the different drugs which caused his condition in the first place. The only thing he does now is have the odd drink every week or two. In any other situation, that would be nothing to worry about but he kinda feels hard done by when I say that he shouldn't have this luxury when everyone else he knows can do it easily!

I have told hime he needs to kinda grow up a bit and accept that this is his life but he wont and he WILL continue to drink for the rest of his life. I truly believe there is no talking him out of it!

I just want some advice on how to generally deal with the effects of it because I dont want to give up on him xx

 
Old 09-16-2008, 09:18 PM   #9
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: SR CA USA
Posts: 166
Hyper86 HB User
Re: Schizophrenic Boyfriend

Hello!
I can't stay up at night with my husband sometimes past 8 or 9 pm.
If I have even one drink then boom I'm asleep within about 15 or 20 min.
He just lets me sleep, sometimes I wake up refreshed after a few hours & watch a little TV with him.
There has to be something very interesting on TV for me to stay up at night.
It's funny at work I can work around the clock & not get sleepy, but at night when I'm home, comfortable & relaxed it's time to sleep.
It must be borring for poor hubby but he has learned to live with it.
Maybe a high energy healthy diet could help your boyfriend.
I think if you lead with a good healthy example he will follow you.

Good luck you seem very patient, kind & understanding.

Carole

 
Old 09-16-2008, 09:26 PM   #10
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Earth
Posts: 309
MSD607 HB User
Re: Schizophrenic Boyfriend

Well I wish I could help you more, but I don't really think I can...I have this illness too, you see, and being only 18...well, I have not been in his situation with a loved one (yet). I am however, in college, and I do admit drinking is a great escape, but it is certainly not a cure (he needs to know this). I think that you need to watch yourself with him- if you think your life is turning negative because of him then you need to leave. YOU are the most important person in YOUR life.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
He's a schizophrenic, and I think I love him... MidnightSpell Schizophrenia 5 02-19-2010 12:29 PM
My Boyfriend is Schizophrenic but doesn't belive it Something1234 Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 2 02-04-2009 09:36 PM
Dating a Schizophrenic... dwa1088 Schizophrenia 1 07-15-2008 07:16 PM
My schizophrenic boyfriend just dumped me.What can I do? HelpingRobin Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 9 04-07-2007 06:11 AM
Potentially Disastrous Schizophrenic Love Triangle Mortimer Moose Schizophrenia 6 01-01-2007 03:09 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



rosequartz (10), katlin09 (3), writeleft (3), rudiraven (3), Breezin (3), ladybud (3), Mihral21 (2), solofelix (2), multiplefriend (2), Stacey1970 (2)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1136), MSJayhawk (941), Apollo123 (857), janewhite1 (823), Titchou (773), Gabriel (743), ladybud (667), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (655), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:26 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Copyright and Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!