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Old 11-22-2008, 12:12 PM   #1
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the Devil and schizophrenia, please participate if you have experience.

My boyfriend is schizophrenic. In the past three months he has been in and out of the hospital three times and in and out of different programs. He hears the voice of his deceased mother protecting him from the devil who keeps telling him he is going to kill him and take his soul. He does not believe he is schizophrenic and that no one has ever experienced what he is going through.

This is where you can make a difference. I am looking for people who are willing to tell their story about their schizophrenia and the devil. I want to collect these stories and give them to him to show him that he is not alone

This is what I am looking for and what I think would be most helpful for him:

Relate you story highlighting what the voices told you and how they made you feel. Next explain how you came to accept that it was schizophrenia. Then please tell me where you are now in life. Whether you are married with kids, going to college, anything.

The format I ask for is very important.

I am home now over thanksgiving break but I hope by the time I get back to see him that I will have a nice little collection of stories to share with him. I feel that each of you can really make a difference for him. If nothing else he will know he is not alone in his struggle.

Last edited by moderator2; 11-23-2008 at 02:04 PM. Reason: posted contact info

 
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Old 11-22-2008, 02:08 PM   #2
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dreams in neon HB Userdreams in neon HB User
Re: the Devil and schizophrenia, please participate if you have experience.

Hello,

I have Bipolar I with Psychotic Features Rapid Cycling (ultradian) and a secondary diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder - Bipolar Type.

I was hospitalized for my first manic/psychotic episode in 2006. I was kept inpatient for a little over a month.

The voices I heard were those of my family, friends and strangers. Sometimes I heard as many as 20 different voices. The voices would often speak of death and dying. They would also argue with me and each other. Sometimes the voices were so strong and powerful I couldn't tell the difference between them and my own voice. Some of the voices spoke of my soul being possessed by the devil and angrily claimed over and over that the devil was out to kill me. It was awful.

I still experience auditory hallucinations when I'm manic or off of my meds (particularly Risperdal) and when this happens, they are just as severe as they were in 2006.

Since I'm a rapid cycler, it's not easy to avoid my auditory hallucinations. When I'm manic, the voices return with a vengeance and as a result, my pdoc has to increase my mood stabilizer and antipsychotic.

I wish you and your boyfriend nothing but success in getting him to accept his Schizophrenia. It won't be easy (since Schizophrenics often do not realize that they have an illness), but try to hang in there.

Hope my experiences have helped!
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

Last edited by dreams in neon; 11-22-2008 at 02:13 PM.

 
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Old 11-23-2008, 01:53 PM   #3
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Re: the Devil and schizophrenia, please participate if you have experience.

I forgot to mention that I am currently a college student in my final year of study.
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

 
Old 11-23-2008, 02:11 PM   #4
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Re: the Devil and schizophrenia, please participate if you have experience.

Thank you very much for your story. I am hoping more stories like these will giving him some hope. We are looking into support groups now since the team that works with him wont provide him with any information.

 
Old 12-02-2008, 11:02 PM   #5
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Re: the Devil and schizophrenia, please participate if you have experience.

Schizophrenia a tale of hope

Hello my name is David, and I suffer from schizophrenia.
I am writing to help others as well as myself to better understand what I've been through and where I am going. I am 30 years old now and have been diagnosed with this disease for almost ten years.
If I can offer any advice to someone who is new to taking medication and taking the first steps to recovery
It would be to exercise for one hour a day (ride a bike, go for a swim, walk or jog) because the weight gain associated with the medications is awful, but preventable.
Most people assume that I am an excuse maker when it comes to my complaints about weight gain but I know that when I last took some time off from my medication I lost all the weight, the only problem was that when I had to start taking the medication again, the weight gain was severe. Mind you though, I feel better with the extra weight instead of suffering through psychosis.
My first hospital visit was scary. I was brought into the hospital by the police. I feel comfortable enough now to explain what was going on inside my mind at the time when I got sick, so here it goes...
I used to do the typical teen age rebellious stuff like smoke and drink and party, but it didn't interfere with school or work. I was good in school, and held down 3 jobs, and I had high hopes for the future,
After high school I went to college and took on a difficult course in electronics. I first began to notice something wrong about half way through the second semester, I could not focus and I started to do the math formulas in my head.
I quit going to school and failed. I got a job programming light shows at a night club my brother dj'd at and I moved in with him and some friends, I started to stay home more and more and rarely left the house except to go to work and to go to the store. I was smoking pot but I didn't see it as a problem, it made me feel different.
over the next year I lost a lot of weight and I started to read my text books, lots of formulas and I also read a book called celestial prophecy, and after reading that book I believe that is when my problems began to escalate.
I had to move out of my brotherís house, which was very difficult because I missed all my friends and my brother too. I moved in with my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend and things were difficult.
I was not working very much and I could only afford my rent and not food. I started to loose lots of weight fast and instead of taking my money and buying food I would buy a joint. I did this because I thought it would help me to study.
It wasn't long before I began to loose reality. They say that pot can be a trigger for schizophrenia but I did not know I was sick,
So day after day I would study and think that I was expanding my mind, but what was happening was that I was slowly slipping into a psychosis. My work was suffering from my lack of sleep and lack of food. I walked out during the middle of a shift; I just shut off all the lights
And went downstairs and punched out. I was in la la land. It was in the middle of winter and I left for a walk without my jacket. It seemed like I was only gone for 5 Min but I was gone for 2 hours. I remember being a few blocks away from work and crying because I thought that I was letting go of this world, I starred at the moon with tears in my eyes for 2hrs!
When I came back the house lights were on and my brother was there and so was my boss.
They made sure I went with my brother so I would not be alone.
My brother was watching over my dadís house at the time and he had a broken foot.
He tried talking to me but I was not making much sense, and then I told him at around 4am that I had to go
He couldn't stop me because he had a cast on and I walked fast.
I walked across town and watched the sun rise and it was as if it was the first time I ever saw it. I made it home to my cousins and I lied down thinking that this was it that I had turned off the outside world
To my surprise, I woke up and I noticed how hungry I was! It had been 15 days since I last ate and the pain was excruciating. I wanted to fix the problem. I thought that if I could only find some way to fix this thing we call hunger so that we could all live without the need to eat and also get rid of pain I would be free from this world.
I started to go over the formulas I had been working on and I figured that there was a way.
If I could somehow harness all of the energy in the universes vacuum of space into one area I would be able to fix the problem.
So I grabbed a glass of water and placed it in front of my TV and then I took 4 of my speakers and positioned them around
The water and around the TV, so as to draw from the vacuum or snow off the TV into the water with the speakers
After doing this I went into the woods near by outside the apartment and I found a tree and a thought crept into my head, life is a journey that can only be taken one step at a time but our minds can travel faster than the speed of light thus breaking space and time which meant that I am here now because of the speed of my thoughts. What that meant to me was that
In order to grow we need speed and direction.
So I grabbed a piece of the tree and headed back to my experiment. I placed the root or branch into the water and sat down on my bed waiting for something to happen.
I thought I created a new existence without the need for food or without pain some thing of a perfect utopia...I thought I was God.
At the moment that I thought that I was God, my cousin entered the room and said that I was sick and he took the glass and dumped it down the drain.
I started to cry and he told me my mom was coming to take me home and I left to meet her. The only problem was that he lied. There were 2 cruisers and 4 cops there to pick me up.
I immediately thought that what I did with creating the universe and all was true and that I was in trouble for playing God, because I was being detained by the police I thought that what I did affected the world.
When I was at the hospital one of the officers asked me how to make it stop, and the first thing that went through my head was that why would you want it to stop, second thing through my head was that I did make it stop when I shut the lights out and walked away, and the third thing was
That I should not of started it again by doing what I did with my experiment.
A lot of other things happened after that but in a nutshell (lol) that was my first psychosis.
I received help right away and I had lots of support from friends and family as well as the staff at the hospital. I stayed on the medication for 7 years before I had the bright idea of going off of it,
The withdrawals of the medication were tough. But I managed to stay off the meds for about a year before I ended up in the hospital again.
I would have several relapses that would be caught in time but I had to stick to the medication.
My last psychosis was really bad, it was a rough time for me because I began to drink and take my pills too.
I started to loose sleep and was slowly slipping into psychosis and then it hit me hard. I was at my dadís house and I wasn't sleeping.
I thought my persciption was to take 12 times the dose required and I totally had a bad relapse.
I was taking my dads dog for a walk and then I never made it home. I was talking to the dog and I thought the dog was me and I was Jesus.
I ended up almost getting hit by a train; I drank water from a pipe that was coming out of a wall of a coal power plant. I was found on private property and the police were called. This time my psychosis was real bad. I couldn't talk, I could barely move, I was scarred that I was going to be
Eaten by eve (from the bible). And because the police were there I thought that everything that happened to me before was true and that I was not God or Jesus but the devil.
That to me is what living with schizophrenia is like.
But don't worry, even though the side effects of the medication are bad, they do stop that type of thinking. Itís not right away but gradual. My life does not revolve around blaming this and that or thinking if only...but rather, its part of the way I am some times, and I like who I am.
I am fortunate that my illness has gone into remission thanks to all of the support and loving help I get.
I don't worry anymore about what this person or that has to say about me, I know that I am ok.
If you have this problem or someone else you know and love has it, there is hope, have faith in that.

Last edited by phil macrackin; 12-07-2008 at 09:43 PM. Reason: poor spelling

 
Old 12-09-2008, 08:29 PM   #6
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Re: the Devil and schizophrenia, please participate if you have experience.

I read your post tonite, it really said a lot to me. My son has paranoid schiz. and has had it for 11 years, the exact things you thought and did were the things he did also.I always knew there was a reason for the things he did but was hard to figure any of them. Not like you by going back on meds , my son wouldn't take his for all the 9 years, on and off only, his has been a case where now the meds don't help but so much. He has tried all the medications but the only one he can stay on is zyprexa, added to that is xanax, propranalol, paxil and I have ordered a vitamin with ginko biloba, gaba and lots of other things that could possibly help. If you have any suggestions, please let me know, he presently stays in an assisted living 4 days a week just so we can be sure he is watched from harming himself accidentally when we are at work. Thanks for your story, and thanks for the hope you gave me.

 
Old 12-09-2008, 09:06 PM   #7
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Re: the Devil and schizophrenia, please participate if you have experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by livelife51 View Post
I read your post tonite, it really said a lot to me. My son has paranoid schiz. and has had it for 11 years, the exact things you thought and did were the things he did also.I always knew there was a reason for the things he did but was hard to figure any of them. Not like you by going back on meds , my son wouldn't take his for all the 9 years, on and off only, his has been a case where now the meds don't help but so much. He has tried all the medications but the only one he can stay on is zyprexa, added to that is xanax, propranalol, paxil and I have ordered a vitamin with ginko biloba, gaba and lots of other things that could possibly help. If you have any suggestions, please let me know, he presently stays in an assisted living 4 days a week just so we can be sure he is watched from harming himself accidentally when we are at work. Thanks for your story, and thanks for the hope you gave me.

I am glad my story helped, I think that risperidone is a good medication for both the positive and negative symptoms associated with schizophrenia and it is cheaper than zyprexa. But I myself take a combination of risperidone and zyprexa.
My risperidone comes in a dissolving tab rather than taking a pill. It tastes minty and It has a nice calming effect to it.
If you are new to taking it, you will most likely sleep for long times and eat more when your awake (which will then make you sleepy again) so get some exercise in there if you can.
There is no special pill that will fix the problem, You just have to go through the bad days and hold on to the good ones. If you think that the pill will work it will work better than if you don't believe in it.
One of the main reasons I wanted to go off meds is because when I am feeling better I don't think that there is anything wrong ( I start to think that way and I forget about all the other times when something was wrong) I trick myself into thinking that I don't suffer schizophrenia, its like tunnel vision, it is as if I think I can out think a thinking disease.
What I mean by out thinking a thinking disease is that when I get sick I am sometimes not even aware of it.

One thing that has always kept me together throughout all of my experiances is the love that is not only within me but also all the love that surrounds me.
Living with this disease is scarry, but I believe I have a reason to hope, I beleive that things are not always going to be bad, tomorrow is another day and I have faith in myself that I can make it through this.

I am not alone.
You are not alone.
I believe we can all make it through this.

don't give up the fight, tomorrows another day.
remember this...If your going through hell, keep on going.
__________________
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Old 12-09-2008, 09:54 PM   #8
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Re: the Devil and schizophrenia, please participate if you have experience.

My son took risperdal before, once he was on the shot risperidal consta for a year because of non compliance. he doesn't see a shrink now , just our family md. We have a very hard time here finding caring people in the psychiatric field. How much is your mg on the zyprexa? and the risperdal? Maybe I could consult with his dr to see if he would add it on. do you take anything for the side affects? (he uses the propanalol a beta blocker.) the risperdal made his legs shake. So he takes the prop. for that. Do you use an antidepressant? Sorry to bombard you with questions but i really would like to improve his condition. My sister is a councilor and she said one girl that nothing else worked takes the older meds stelazine, do you know anything about this med? thanks so much, will be looking forward to your response. mary

 
Old 12-09-2008, 11:11 PM   #9
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Re: the Devil and schizophrenia, please participate if you have experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by livelife51 View Post
My son took risperdal before, once he was on the shot risperidal consta for a year because of non compliance. he doesn't see a shrink now , just our family md. We have a very hard time here finding caring people in the psychiatric field. How much is your mg on the zyprexa? and the risperdal? Maybe I could consult with his dr to see if he would add it on. do you take anything for the side affects? (he uses the propanalol a beta blocker.) the risperdal made his legs shake. So he takes the prop. for that. Do you use an antidepressant? Sorry to bombard you with questions but i really would like to improve his condition. My sister is a councilor and she said one girl that nothing else worked takes the older meds stelazine, do you know anything about this med? thanks so much, will be looking forward to your response. mary
I take 10mg of zyprexa twice daily as well as 2mg of resperidal twice daily. I also take 500 mg of divalproex sodium twice daily. (once in the morning and once at night) The divalproex sodium is used for anti-siezures but that is not why I take it, it has another use, it is a mood stableizer, good for preventing highs and lows, it helps maintain an even balance.
I don't have symptoms from my medication that involve the need to take medication to correct them, this is most likely a good reason for not wanting to take medication.
I don't like having to take medication but I know that I have to. I am fortunate enough that the medication does what its supposed to do.

I joined a non profit mental health agency and met a lot of people just like me going through the same stuff, but most importantly, I met an increadable worker who is like a close friend to me. She advises me on the matters that are bothering me and at the same time does not infringe on my choices. (If I am going to make a mistake she wont stop me, but she will try to help me not make it).
It is hard to find help like the help I have received. I am fortunate that I did find the help that I did find. My worker helps me set goals and helps me cheer up on dull days where I sometimes want to slip back into the past and let my mind go.
If it were not for my worker and the staff at the hospital I don't think that I would have progressed as much as I have.
I can see that what is wrong with me won't last forever. I know I can make it through the scary parts.

Friends and family are the number 1 reason for my recovery.
they were there through it all and they are just a phone call away.
The healing part of this disease takes time, perhaps even years, but it is a gradual recovery that can only be measured day by day on step at a time. If you want to help yourself recover faster avoid drugs and alcohol, get plenty of sleep.
don't get discouraged, from now on tomorrow may be better.
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Old 01-11-2009, 04:18 PM   #10
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Re: the Devil and schizophrenia, please participate if you have experience.

So, the devil. Here goes. The first thing was "annihilation anxiety." This was the feeling that my soul and the world and everything would be annihilated. This was of the devil. I know that now, but didn't back then. Next came delusions surrounding the destruction of existence. That's not necessarily relevant but what came next was a horrible "binding" feeling that was very mentally painful. Unbearable really. It lasted four years. I came out of it four years later. Then the voices started.

So, I believed that i could communicate psychically with other people after my mind was released from "the mental bind." Before too long I was trading short phrases back and forth with people i knew, historical figures, religious figures, and really anyone i thought of. It was stressful. Eventually i met the personality of "the Buddha." He was the most enigmatic man you could ever encounter. I won't even try to describe what a friend he was to me during those times, even if at night he would transform into a hideous lord of the night who'd been dead for thousands of years. Anyway, the devil...

For whatever reason i mentally looked over my right shoulder and heard a "hiss." I also mentally saw the figure. It was a white man, tall, in a black robe like the kind Christian monks wear. I thought, "You're the devil!" And he hissed again. Then i stopped looking behind me as if he would leave because i had identified him and i heard him say, "dumbdy dumb dumb dumb," as if he was leaving, but of course with a sense of humor, he was staying as close to me as ever.

So. For a while i thought the devil behind me was just a personality as much as all the other one's surrounding me. But when i eventually uncovered his deception he stopped creating the illusion that i was surrounded by the real-life, real-time personalities of my friends and enemies, etc,. So, for a time it was just me and the devil. He assumed around fifteen different forms over the net month or two but it didn't bother me as much because I was aware of his deception.

So. I stopped taking my meds and went catatonic, spent a year of my life in psychiatric wards and became extremely suicidal due to "thought insertion." This is the crucial feature of schizophrenia that drives us people insane. We "hear" these negative thoughts that aren't our own and believe they are our own because the devil is so crafty. Ask your boyfriend if he suffers from this. "Thought insertion." There is a way to overcome it. I will tell you. But first. Everyone says schizophrenia is a disease of the brain. They give you anti-psychotics with dopamine blockers to slow down certain parts of the brain. This is supposed to treat the hallucinations. For me no anti-psychotic worked. I took every single one there was available and still heard the torturous thought insertions. I battled the sounds in my head day and night in these psych. wards, but with no success. I simply couldn't stop it and the devil continued to create the thoughts one after another all day long. My life was unbearable. There wasn't a lot standing in the way of me taking my own life. Also, i could never give an example of the thoughts that were being inserted in my head. Anyway....

This is the cure. The thoughts are not coming from your (the schizophrenic's) brain; they are coming from your heart. That is exactly where the devil keeps himself. And the heart is the exact mechanism used to create the thoughts that we "think" we hear in our heads. So. This is hard to accept at first. If you don't accept this, you don't have to. But try a few things that i suggest and you (your boyfriend) will find relief. Take an anti-anxiety drug first off. Maybe ativan at first. He will find that it takes away the power of the voices quite a lot. The drawback of ativan is that it is addictive and you'll find yourself wanting it and not wanting it, and that's a problem. So try clonazepam next. It's like ativan but not as addictive.

Most importantly. Realize that all these alien sounds are coming from your heart. Use every last ounce of mental strength you have and point it at the center of your heart. The content of the voices will change. You will even be able to stop them before they get a chance to carry out their thought insertions. Once you can block the sounds that come from your heart the devil will stop his tricks. Also, the clonazepam will help because, as i suspect most people agree, it is a drug that serves to calm (or simply work) on the heart.

Two or three weeks after realizing this truth about my heart and after convincing my doctors that i wanted one milligram of clonazepam three times a day, morning, noon, and dinner time along with a small dose of serequel they released me from the mental hospital.

That was in the middle of August last year. Since then i've been stable. I have my relationship with my girlfriend. I'm working part time and I'm finishing my University degree.

So. That was a long post. To sum up. Is the devil real? Yes. He is a deceiver. He will trick you into believing there are other voices in your head because he loves to imitate others and make you feel like a retard. That's how he gets his kicks. Don't get me wrong. If it wasn't for the fact that i know he wants me to suffer immensely, I'd say he's a really funny guy with a good personality. Anyway. All thought comes from the heart. You can verify this for your self (or your boyfriend, whatever...excuse my lack of clarity). Focus on your heart, take anti-anxiety pills most importantly, and keep to the anti-psychotics as well. He will feel better. Best wishes,

hathada

 
Old 01-11-2009, 05:51 PM   #11
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Re: the Devil and schizophrenia, please participate if you have experience.

Thanks so much for the info. Imagine, all the way from Cuba! You are a fighter I can see that by reading your post. I will look up the divalproex sodium, it may be call depakote or lythim here. My son also has a worker now that comes to the assisted living twice a week and spends about 4 to 5 hrs weekly. He seems to be helping him more than the other workers, he is a QP, qualified professional. He was once a probation officer working with youth. He is trying to get my son a job. The difference in my son and you is that he seems to enjoy the voices for the most and talks back and laughs most of the time. but then I see him looking upset and I can tell when they are bad. I don't even know if he would want to have them completely gone, it's like their his friends now. He hates the sluggish feeling of the meds. His dr did go up to 20 mg of the zyprexa, at my request last week and upped the xanax at nite to 1mg, for sleep and anxiety. He seems to like being at the assisted living talking with the ra's there, their young and talk with him and he always asks to go back after the weekend here. Have you ever been to the point that you actually liked the voices? Anyway, thanks and I will look this up, look forward to hearing from you again. livelife51

 
Old 01-11-2009, 11:51 PM   #12
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Re: the Devil and schizophrenia, please participate if you have experience.

Hello,

I experience manic and depressive episodes, auditory hallucinations, delusions and 7 different types of paranoia.

I take 3mg of Risperidone 2x/day, four 125mg capsules of Depakote (Divalproex) sprinkles 3x/day, 20mg of Fluoxetine 1x/day and 100mg of Trazodone 1x/day (or 300mg if I'm manic). Soon my pdoc plans to add a small does of Lithium as well.

For the most part, all of these meds help control mood swings related to my bipolar (although I do still have problems with rapid cycling on an hourly basis). They help my mania, depression, auditory hallucinations, delusions and paranoia remain at a moderate level instead of a severe level when I'm off of my meds.

When I was hospitalized in 2006 and first diagnosed as bipolar, I was given Geodon which worked extremely well for my auditory hallucinations. Why I was taken off of that and put in Risperidone upon my discharge, I don't know, but I plan to talk to my pdoc to ask if he can put me back on it.

Just thought I'd share my experience with meds for what it's worth.
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

Last edited by dreams in neon; 01-11-2009 at 11:52 PM.

 
Old 02-01-2009, 10:48 PM   #13
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Thumbs up Re: the Devil and schizophrenia, please participate if you have experience.

a bit of an update here....

My boyfriend ended up back in the rtfa house ( its a place where he can be monitored 24/7 but not the hospital) When his hallucination began telling him that if he didn't do, or avoid doing certain things they would slit his throat. When he disobeyed them (From my perspective) He would panic and begin to choke and swear that he was bleeding but no one could see it. Just talking would help him calm down and the symptoms would seem to subside. But it is his belief that he is actually being "attack." His doctors and nurses tell me its just another part of a hallucination.
They are building up a dosage of clozaril now. The "attacks" have stopped but he is still hearing threats a lot. I'm so anxious for this med to work. I'm not willing to let this illness tear our lives together apart but that seems to be whats happening. Everytime he gets sick and becomes withdrawn, I become weaker in my resolve to stick it out. Balancing college, him, and my own depression is a lot to handle.
Thank you all for your stories and some of you for your encouragement. It means a lot and I feel stronger when I read your king encouraging words.
I know the road ahead is unpaved but the going is softer with support.
Thank You.

 
Old 02-02-2009, 03:08 PM   #14
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Re: the Devil and schizophrenia, please participate if you have experience.

sombereyes1,

Here's wishing you and your boyfriend all the best. I know what a difficult road it is since I've been hearing voices for the past 17 years. Try to hang in there and let your boyfriend know that you will continue to support him no matter what. That's one of the most important things you can do in helping him recover from this episode. Good luck.
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

Last edited by dreams in neon; 02-02-2009 at 03:09 PM.

 
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