cal8

I hope there is someone out there who can help me.

I have copied this to this forum on advice

I have been married to a really wonderful man for 10 years. He took my own children on board as if they were his own, we added another two, and he has provided for, and looked after us all wonderfuly. He is a wonderful father, lover, husband. Sounds to good to be true,yes,well it is.
For 1% of the time he is a totaly different person full of hate and cruelty, he shuts himself away and refuses to talk or even acknowledge me. If i try to press a conversation or even an argument to clear the air he retaliates or leaves. He never tells me really why he does it, or what has displeased him. Over the years there has been a multitude of reasons why he has had one of his MOODS. I have tried everything to please him, i have changed my whole way of life to try to keep him happy, 99% of the time it is great, then BOOM its back. He knows he does it, says he does not know why, tells me after its not me its him.
His father is the same, his mother has put up with it for 33 years, sometimes his father will hide away in his room for weeks (16 weeks the longest) and yet carry on in the world outside as if nothing is wrong.
I have suffered these moods silently because the good times have always greatly out numbered the bad times, but lately things have changed. His moods have become more frequent and more severe. There is no tell tale signs anymore. I used to be able to tell by his face and the iritability that came before the storm that he was brewing up, now no warning. One minute he is involved in a conversation, the next, off he goes to the bedroom and i know he is in a mood. Now I have had to kick him out, he smashed several doors and the pc and went for me. He says the most evil and cruel things to me, or just laughs and seems to get pleasure in my distress. I don't want to loose this man, if i can possibly help him in any way i will.
MOOD CHARACTERISTICS
overreacting to minor disagreements
cannot take critisism, even if done VERY taktfuly
moods if conversation does not include him, or is not something he understands
mood if felt left out
moods if not getting enough attention
moods if under moderate stress (like moving house, even if all organising done by someone else)
moods if i am not at home when he arrives from work
walks out on job for no logical reason
appears to have no consience or caring for those he is hurting when in a mood
total opposit of normal character displayed
totaly ignores EVERYONE around him
angry and violent when pushed to talk
distructive toward anything he considers mine
No one can do anything right,very critical
nags a lot,for minor things, short fuse
expects more from others than he does himself
(do as i say, not as i do)
Intolerence for others behaviour

NORMAL CHARACTER
My husband is quite a shy person until he gets to know you, allthough he has come out of himself a lot since he met me. He is not a great conversationalist unless its something he knows about, and i think he does suffer from a low self esteem, he loves to talk about his work when he has done something good, and i am always praising him..he is honest kind, will do anything for anyone. In the workplace he is adaptable, intuitive, the kind of person everyone goes to for advice, and learns fast..he is a supervisor and great with those under him, earning him a lot of respect. Although his moods can make him critical of others .

if there is anyone out there who can relate to this and help me please reply. He is not perfect when normal, but who is, but he IS everything i have always wanted in a man, who shows me great love and affection...until he snaps.


[This message has been edited by cal8 (edited 09-23-2003).]