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Old 07-20-2010, 08:12 PM   #1
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Boyfriend has Bipolar and Paranoid Schizophrenia

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a short time now. I went to the emergency room with him last month and thought he was going in for a physical illness. It turned out that he was going to the mental health part of the E.R for emergency treatment. He then told me that he was bipolar and needed to get back on his meds. Today we went out of town to help him get his license back due to it being previously suspended. He was told it was no longer suspended but that he would have to pay the fines that he owed and it would be released then he could get his license back. The Judge then asked him what was his disability and he told her Bipolar and Paranoid Schizophrenia. I was in shocked, because he did not share this with me before hand. He is back on his meds now however they make him sleep at least 12 hrs a day. And he is more irritable and moody now than before he started taking his meds. I only know the side of him that I have know for the past few months that we have dated. I do love him, and want to be there for him but, how? I am looking for any info I can find on this mental health disorder. He made a statement on the way home saying you don't love me anymore. I said I do still love you, but I guess in past relationships others have left him and he thinks that now that I know the truth I will leave him too. I won't but I need to know how to deal with the disorder. I know that knowledge is power and I feel that I need as much of it as I can handle right now regarding his mental illness.
Please direct me where I need to go to get the help I need to help us.
Lenoire

 
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Old 07-21-2010, 09:07 AM   #2
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Re: Boyfriend has Bipolar and Paranoid Schizophrenia

It sounds like you have a good handle on what you need to do in order to understand his condition. My hat is off to you. I have had friendships with people before, some were bi-polar and one was schiziphrenic. Some took their meds and some didn't. It didn't seem to matter really. It was very chaotic. It was a roller coaster ride and not in a good way. It also became dangerous for me and I had to walk away. I'm sure some people operate better than that, but it is a big undertaking. I would advise you to examine his history as I have a friend whose son went off his meds and attacked her, almost killing her. I'm not trying to scare you, but you really need to understand that your love cannot overcome the illness. Good luck.

 
Old 07-21-2010, 09:09 AM   #3
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Re: Boyfriend has Bipolar and Paranoid Schizophrenia

If I were you I would think long and hard before taking on this project

 
Old 07-21-2010, 02:31 PM   #4
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Re: Boyfriend has Bipolar and Paranoid Schizophrenia

I agree with Rose Quartz....you are likely in for much hard work and heartache in what will probably be a very one-sided relationship. After all, you posted this in the "caregiver" forum, not the "relationship" one. That alone speaks volumes...

Last edited by Brocallie; 07-21-2010 at 04:59 PM.

 
Old 07-22-2010, 02:41 PM   #5
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Smile Re: Boyfriend has Bipolar and Paranoid Schizophrenia

Hi Lenoire. I'm sorry if I didn't spell your name correctly. I'm Krystal. I would love to give you the best advice I could but I don't know as much as I would like to know. On regards to others saying that the relationship will be one sided, well, thats not true. I've spoken to many people in relationships with people who had Schizophrenia me included and if the relationship ever gets one-sided it's because the person who -doesn't- have the disorder makes it about them. People with Schizophrenia are used to being ridiculed and judged for how they act. Almost every person I've met who was in a relationship with someone who was Schizophrenic said that they are more loving and more kind than past boyfriend's without the disorder and I couldn't agree more. Be patient with him and don't get frustrated. My biggest problem was that I got upset with him and didn't give him time and it make me insane because I figured it was "all about him" The best advice I have for you is to look up things about the disorder to know what you are in store for and be patient. If he really loves you, I believe that love -can- beat this disorder. Like I said earlier I am in the same boat as you and the biggest mistakes in our relationship were caused by me not him.. I wish you nothing but the best of luck and I do hope that everything works out for you.
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Old 07-23-2010, 12:48 PM   #6
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Re: Boyfriend has Bipolar and Paranoid Schizophrenia

Lenoire - you've only known this guy a very short time. I think you need to cut yourself a break and take it slowly and really know what you're getting into and be absolutely sure you WANT to get into it. Don't let his statements like "Oh, you're going to leave me now, aren't you, boo hoo??" guilt you into staying if your gut is telling you to go.

It largely depends on how severe his illnesses are and how well his meds are working. But Paranoid Schizophrenia AND Bi Polar disorder together? That's taking on quite a bit. I don't have a lot of experience with Bi Polar disorder, but I do have a great deal of experience with schizophrenia. A very close family member has had it for the last 30 years. How well he does is largely dependent on his medication, but he's not very high functioning. He tried to work a few jobs after he got sick but couldn't. He was unsafe around the frier in the fast food place, and he worked at a grocery for a while but he had delusions that customers were thieves and he stopped a few people and aggressively frisked them. Needless to say he was fired. He was lucky he wasn't arrested. And remember, Andrea Yates was in the throws of a schizophrenic episode when she killed her 5 children. I saw a show on this disease and family members of those who have it and one woman told a story of her husband who had it but was undiagnosed and unmedicated at the time. They were on their way to her parents' house for Thanksgiving and he insisted on stopping by the factory where he worked. He took the children in and after a while she was wondering what was taking so long. She went in and found he had thrown their children into the incinerator.

If you are going to get serious about this relationship, you have to realize it will not be the same as having an equal, independent partner in life. He will be more your charge than your companion, and your whole life will be about tending to him and taking care of him, making sure he gets his meds, getting regular blood tests to make sure his meds aren't harming his liver, pancreas or kidneys, and walking on egg shells to make sure you don't say or do anything that will upset him. it won't be like tending to someone in a wheelchair or someone who has an illness that only manifests physically. You will have to tend to him mentally and emotionally as well, and that is what will really become tiring. After having lived with a paranoid schizophrenic for a number of years, I have to be honest, I have no idea why anyone would choose to live with one. As soon as I had the resources to get the hell out, I did. This person is family and I love him, but as awful as it may sound, I'd rather see him turned out in the street than live with him again. I will do whatever I can for him, but I'll never live with him ever again. Life's just too damn short.

You might want to rent the movie A Beautiful Mind with Russell Crowe and Jennifer Connelly. It's the true story of John Nash, a Nobel Prize winning mathematician who suffered with the disease for many years. It gives a fairly accurate idea of the good and bad parts of what life with a schizophrenic is like. Oh, that reminds me, his son also has it. Schizophrenia is inherited, so any children you have with this man would have a good chance of having it, too. I think around a one in three chance, but you may want to research the stats on that yourself.

And continue to read whatever you can and get as informed as you can. Think long and hard before you consider making your whole life all about taking care of this guy you've only known a few months. You still don't know if he will have violent tendancies or how far his other symptoms may go. At the very least, please take your time and go very slowly here.

Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 07-23-2010 at 01:52 PM.

 
Old 07-23-2010, 02:45 PM   #7
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Re: Boyfriend has Bipolar and Paranoid Schizophrenia

Hello Krystal,
My name is Lenoire and its ok u did get it right. Thank U so very much for being honest with me. It appears that this is a man that has made me first from the very beginning. It has always been about me, and this is the first relationship that I have been n that a person has been so good and kind to me. I have been through hell and back with the men in my life that were supposed to be normal... Yet this man has been nothing but kind to me. My children and mother said he is too good to be true and something has got to be wrong with him, something bad has got to come out of something so good. And when I found out about his disorder I thought wow I need to learn everything I can about this and how it affects him. Yes it has been a short relationship but I do love me and want to be there for him, juist like he is here for me. It's no more than right.
Thank u 4 ur kind words of encouragement.
and may God truly bless u.
Love Lenoire

 
Old 07-23-2010, 02:50 PM   #8
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Re: Boyfriend has Bipolar and Paranoid Schizophrenia

Quote:
Originally Posted by lenoire View Post
Hello Krystal,
My name is Lenoire and its ok u did get it right. Thank U so very much for being honest with me. It appears that this is a man that has made me first from the very beginning. It has always been about me, and this is the first relationship that I have been n that a person has been so good and kind to me. I have been through hell and back with the men in my life that were supposed to be normal... Yet this man has been nothing but kind to me. My children and mother said he is too good to be true and something has got to be wrong with him, something bad has got to come out of something so good. And when I found out about his disorder I thought wow I need to learn everything I can about this and how it affects him. Yes it has been a short relationship but I do love me and want to be there for him, juist like he is here for me. It's no more than right.
Thank u 4 ur kind words of encouragement.
and may God truly bless u.
Love Lenoire
It sounds like he is very high functioning, and as long as he stays on his medication, perhaps things will work out ok. Good luck to you.

 
Old 09-27-2010, 01:41 PM   #9
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Re: Boyfriend has Bipolar and Paranoid Schizophrenia

hiya lenoire sorry if i spelt it wrong. my partener of a year has been diagnosed with the same illnesses bi polar (this he has had for years) and paranoid schizophrenia (this was only recently diagnosed). he has been out of hospital now for 2 weeks after being sectioned for over a month. i feel like im the only person in the world who is going through this. everyday is getting to be a battle as ive become my partners carer im only 22!!it would really help to speak to someone about this. ive only just joined on here so dont know how it works thanks

Last edited by Mod-S4; 09-27-2010 at 09:04 PM.

 
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