So I have been dating this wonderful man for the last 4 1/2 months, I'm his longest relationship and recently since the beginning of december I've been in a major funk. (I am diagnosed with depression). I take medication everyday however i feel like its not doing anything.
I feel alone, I'm out of college, doing nothing working at a dead end job trying to find a job and i feel worthless. the other night when i slept over his house i woke up in the morning crying. i feel thi constant hole in my chest, it hurts and painful and i feel so lonely, and worthless. it's hard enough on my own to deal with this but to date someone who has similar problems, its harder. Recently he's been very withdrawn, not touchy feely, barely initiates sex, has become very quiet and i feel like he's been distant. The last time i saw him was saturday before i left for work, i kissed him goodbye.
I gave him some space for a few days and i texted him monday saying i missed him and i love him and im worried about him. he sent me a 6 page text
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, which makes me very worried. he has not been like this in months, hes been himself, he hasnt been on depression meds for years in which because he said it made him worse and had to be hospitalized twice for and it made him really manic. I have not seen him go really high then really low. he's been normal then he's kind of sunk into this depression. he told me he needs space right now and just wants to shut out the world and do "Him" right now and not "us" and it offends me
i understand what hes going through mentally because i have a similar mental disease but it's diffrent. I'm very anxious lately, not getting sleep or spending the entire day in bed or crying and thinking the worst thoughts possible because thats what depression does to you, the negative thoughts consume your head and you cant rationalize anything really. you think the worst is going to happen to you.
he told me he said nothing about breaking up and that he loves me and misses me but the way he is right now he hates himself, and he doesnt even want me to text his roomate asking how he is. I'm just so worried about his mental health and i feel helpless because i cant fix it no matter what i say or do. and this is painful for me to step back like this when i need him most, going through my depression. sometimes i need to be held, sometimes like him i want to disappear and be in my room and be anti social and deal with it in my head.
i just dont know how long this is going to last, beause hes so depressed but i have needs too. i dont want to wait for him forever but i love him. im head over heels in love with him and this hurts but i need to do this for him its just so hard. my ex was bipolar but i never been through a manic episode like this. any advice?
I feel so alone and lost.