No idea where to post this, prefer not to post it in the bipolar forum since this thread is geared more towards the family members of bipolar sufferers and not so much the bipolar sufferers themselves, so sorry if you are bipolar yourself its nothing personal.
This isn't your typical family feud or the "I'm 13 and my brothers 15 and he broke my xbox and now I hate him and I'm going to run away and never come back" no.. no no, a little more complex than that as you will see.
I've recently come back from a working holiday in Canada and I'm living with my 30 y/o brother (I'm 28) until I land a job and move far far away from my brother. We can not get along! Is it normal for someone with bipolar to call your brother names when he gets mad. Really offensive names, wishing you were dead. HATE is a big word in his vocabulary. Unfortunately after persistent name calling I recently lost it and got into a physical fight with him (not the first time either). I ended up breaking my thumb and it only just got out of it's cast. Of course I regret it now but I wasn't in the best mood at the time and his insults just put me over the top.
He forms cynical opinions of certain people. Like he really dislikes them, certain attractive girls are characterized as sl*ts, HATE'S people with tatoo's, forms outlandish claims that ALL pacific islanders are un-freindly and violent when there not. There's always something wrong with a vein or artery in his body, or my knee hurts all the time and smoking is the reason just really messed up stuff like that. He'll obsess over them, minor body imperfections and he'll spend half an hour talking about some vein that is constricted and this muscle is effected by it and all this crap.
Why does he not intend to move out? Why must my parents who are in their 60's have to live with this. I used to relate to him, now it all seems negative and believe it or not I'm one of the most outgoing friendly people you could meet. I may rub off as seeming ignorant to his illness, but try living with it day in day out, especially if he's your brother and there is hostility in the relationship it's such a horrible situation. At present I'm going through a lot of crap in my own life and this is like the icing on the cake. I don't need it, and neither do my parents. Will they ever be free of this dependency? It's a big world out there why must this house be his tomb? Why are simple yes or no questions so hard to answer? Instead I get why are you asking? Isn't is obvious? Cant you tell ? Sometimes he wont answer at all, I'll repeat the question twice maybe 3 times. And then he'll get all shi**y when I question him why he didn't answer.
This morning I was applying for an electrical engineer job in a town 100 kilometers away from here. I found out about the same time he quit his cooking job because of the unexpected hours increase. I went back to applying for this job and he started flaming me about me work ethic and that he could do any job I can do because he's a harder worker. OK, so my major is in Computer engineering, and I told him if that was the case then why do you get pis*ed off and start cursing at the computer when it wont print, only to get my help and find out the printer isn't even connected to the damn computer. The computer isn't even his, its mine that I spent over a thousand dollars on. The slightest issue with it (and I mean minor) he says its a pile of junk. What I hinted to him this morning is that how can you aspire to be good at anything in your life if your not truly passionate about it? He asked me what companies offer the kind of work I'm looking for, I fired off about 10 companies. He then asked me for 2 more, I said why do you need 2 more? He then gave me a death stare and started shouting 2 MORE like 5 times in a row!! I said why are you so hostile? I didn't yell back although he was really edgy, I basically just kept on asking why he was so angry and hostile towards me. He said because I'm constantly forming opinions of him, when I asked what kind of opinions he couldn't answer. I suggested he was perceiving all of these opinions and that they were all imaginary. Anyway, after all this he got on the phone and literally called one of the employers that I was considering working for and asked about a job I was interested in. No idea why.
It just blows my mind whats going through his head sometimes. I mean, why do all his problems need to be unloaded onto others, I don't need this sh*t I've got enough problems in my life already but I don't complain about them. Conversations that normally start off fine almost always end up in heated personal arguments. When he's in these moods it's like he wants me to fail, this is not where I wanted me and my brothers relationship to be at this stage of our lives. I want him to be happy but where do you start, Independence is so vital at his age, my parents wont be alive forever and they have been accepting of him until now but believe me there have been some moments. Wishing your parents dead is a horrible thing to say, I don't understand how you couldn't feel overwhelming guilt after saying such horrible things, but he'll walk off all uplifted and empowered "like it's all your fault I can overcome this" all the while living under there roof and eating there food and using their power.
Sorry for this HUUGE first post, ultimately I just want to try and relate to someone else that lives with a bi-polar family member and identify if all the sh*t starts getting to you emotionally. I suspect there may be readers that will suggest we should start being accepting of one another, and believe me I'd like that. But some of the things he says, instead of the older brothers/sisters that you look up to you it feels like the opposite has happened and it hurts me that it never turned out the normal way. My oldest brother is 34, has a good job and lives fairly local, but he's fairly distant and I get the impression he want's to get on with his life and not have to be burdened by this either.
Thanks for reading if you got this far. Longest post ever. But also a good way to get things off my chest, back to job hunting
Last edited by VanillaRice; 01-17-2011 at 08:13 PM.
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Boy, you really needed to vent! I understand, it's good to be able to get stuff off your chest. In your post, you mentioned that your brother was bipolar, but I don't think you mentioned anything about his being treated for it. Is he seeing doctors? Is he taking medications? If he isn't, then you are dealing with someone who isn't in their right mind and things will always be bad.
He was taking meds, but at present I have no idea. To be honest, I don't even want to ask. My relationship with my brother at this moment is hopeless and would probably make things worse than they already are. I could ask my parents if they know what the situation is, but they are on vacation in Hawaii and the last thing I want to do is bother them when their on Holiday.
They called up on skype before, I asked if they'd like to talk to him. They agreed and I walked this laptop downstairs and said "Have a chat with mum and dad" He looked at the computer and said "I'm actually really busy right now" he was just playing on his guitar ffs. At the same time he insulted me by saying "Your getting fat". Now, I'm a self confessed fitness fanatic, been bodybuilding every other day for the last 10years, strict diet etc etc. This broken thumb I have has been the longest time off training I've had in all that time (except I can still do leg days and cardio). It's because of HIM and his verbal insults "dic*, wan*ker, Fa*got", that caused me to break my thumb on his face in the first place. It's because of HIM I cant work out. It's because of HIM I'm out of shape. Insulting me like that makes me want to beat the **** out of him all over again.
Now if he doesn't want to support what I do in my life that's fine with me. But if he's going to go out of his way to insult me weather it be physical or career related what do you say to that?? I don't do it to him!, all I do is try to understand why he won't move out. It annoys me that he lives at home at his age and shows no incentive to want to move out.
Sorry I'm rambling again. He really brings out the worst in me, I consistently have strong feelings of animosity towards him for all this crap he throws in my direction.
Last edited by VanillaRice; 01-18-2011 at 09:40 PM.
Yet another heated argument this morning. I say argument, but it was more a case of being constantly verbally abused while I tried to reason with him.
I finally asked if he was taking medication, like I said in my previous post I was afraid to ask and sure enough this sparked his rage and resentment towards me. After continual verbal insults which I wont refresh, he said he's been off medication for 3 years. He said "I have no brother" and "I hate you". I told him that I'd never "hate" him since I feel that's such a strong word in any context.
But at least now I know what his medication status is... non existent. Now is there any information or advice people can give me on the consequences of him not being on meds? I'm just going to stay away from him in the mean time as he has some serious bottled up hatred towards me that he unloads almost every day. Even when were not in an argument, his body language is real off putting. Like he wont move when I walk past and things like that. Last night I saw his reflection as he was standing in the kitchen sharpening a knife. He didn't know I was looking but he was going absolutely mental sharpening this knife, with a look of sheer aggression on his face.
Why does he feel compelled to dis-agree with anything I ask of him, something small like taking the trash out because I've done it the last 5 times. And not only dis-agree he'll bring up completely un-related issues and mock/insult me all because I asked him to do 1 minor thing.
Someone PLEASE get back to me about possible behavioral outcomes of not taking meds with this condition. Thanks.
Someone PLEASE get back to me about possible behavioral outcomes of not taking meds with this condition. Thanks.
There is a whole range of possible outcomes, dependent upon a whole range of issues. But being bipolar and not on medication is a serious issue, for both him and those around him. I'm not sure where your parents stand concerning your brothers well being, but assuming that they care, I think I would have a serious discussion with either one or both of your parents concerning your brother. In the meantime, if you find a job and can afford to move out of the house, that might be a good option for your own health.
Hey there Vanilla, it is truly amazing how similar your situation is to mine, aside from my brother being younger than me, and the two of us being much younger than you. I've been dealing with this for about five years now and it has nearly deadened me inside. I can not imagine what 20 years would be like, and my heart goes out to you. As for the whole not taking their pills, I've noticed that their symptoms just become much much worse, and more frequent until they get back on them. My brother has tried to kill my sister before because he skipped a single dose, so it can be very dangerous.
I hope this helps, because your post helped me knowing that I'm not alone.