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Old 02-15-2011, 02:31 AM   #1
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Question Please advise me on a sociopath boyfriend issue.

Hello,
I have been dating this man for about 5 months. He came on very strong and at full speed ahead and got me hook, line, and sinker. He just charmed himself into my heart and life. I am a mature woman, with kids, have a business, divorced, a New Yorker so i am not exactly young and naive. However, my brain just stop working when it came to him. He had a lot of problems, financial of course, had his back out for a while, business was slow, ....so he was depressed and started to pull away from me. The more he pulled, the more i pushed because i was really worried. There were days that he wouldnt answer my calls or texts and was so depressed. I do believe he has depression issues or may even be bi polar because i have seen him go from being sickly depressed to manic and wacky. Of course, he drinks heavily to medicate himself.
However, with all of this being said, there was just something that didnt feel right with him. My gut and instincts were not at peace. We went on a cruise and he was out of control. One day, when he was quite drunk, he told me that he was crying hysterically and told me that he doesnt want to hurt me, he has demons that dont let him move forward, that i dont really know him, that he comes from a place of killing and has seen the devil. He made a comment about if anyone hurts me or my children, he will take them fishing, chop them up, and make them fish food. I believe he was serious. I know he goes on "lockdown" in his apartment. I looked up personality disorders and he fit every characteristic for sociopath. There was not even one that didnt describe him. He owes me 9 thousand dollars that i know i will never see again and its fine. He kept telling me that i am one of the nicest people he has ever met and that he really, really doesnt want to hurt me. I know he has a history of domestic violence and anger issues. Now, he has discarded me. My mind tells me one thing but my heart is hurting. I dont understand. Yes, i feel like a toy that was played, used, and discarded. I am mortified.
However, i still wonder if i will hear from him ever again or he has just moved on to the next victim. I have met a very nice man who is emotionally available and is kind to me. But, i cant get that sociopath out of my system.
I would appreciate any advise. Do sociopaths come back? I wont take him back but i feel so rejected.
Thank you for reading.

 
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Old 02-15-2011, 08:20 AM   #2
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Re: Please advise me on a sociopath boyfriend issue.

You are so lucky you got out. He manipulated you throughout the relationship, making you call him, worry about him, give him money. By him backing away it made you want him even more

"The more he pulled, the more i pushed because i was really worried"

That's the way they do it- subtle but completely manipulative. Making you think everything is your idea but it is exactly what they want.

"I know he has a history of domestic violence and anger issues. Now, he has discarded me. My mind tells me one thing but my heart is hurting. I dont understand. Yes, i feel like a toy that was played, used, and discarded. I am mortified"

In all probabilaty the "discarding" is also part of the game. He will come back but not begging for you to come back. He will make it seem like he is allowing himself to take YOU back- you will probably have to pay in some way for leaving him. $$ or whatever concession HE wants.

RUN AWAY- you are out! You have escaped. Don't feel like anything is your fault. Sociopaths are masters at their games, you are lucky to be out of it!

Hang in there (stop saying discarded-you got away!)

Pup

 
Old 02-15-2011, 11:14 AM   #3
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Re: Please advise me on a sociopath boyfriend issue.

Pup
Thank you so much for taking time to read and answer.
I didnt leave him. He went from 100 to 0. He left me.
He sucked me in and then withdrew himself so i am mortified and devestated. I am not "street" so he knows i am easy game. I do feel discarded and tossed aside. When you say, i will have to pay a price for leaving him, i never left him. He took himself away from me. All i know is that its a nightmare from hell that i cant wake up from. I met a nice man that really likes me, and cooks for me.However, i cant get this sociopath out of my system. I know i am a fool for giving him money. I did it because i really care for him and was trying to help him out of a bad situation.
I feel played, used and tossed aside.
Help

 
Old 02-15-2011, 12:05 PM   #4
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Re: Please advise me on a sociopath boyfriend issue.

No, no, no,

I realize he "left" you. What I'm saying is he will be back, and his leaving will be "all your fault"

Discarding you is part of his manipulative game.

I realize you feel bad "I feel played, used and tossed aside" but you have won if you leave him.

Right now, when you are feeling this way if he came back & made all his excuses "you were just so pushy, you were always in my face, I needed my space" You would probably take him back.

DON'T

Stay strong and get past this nasty episode in your life.

Pup

 
Old 02-15-2011, 12:39 PM   #5
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Re: Please advise me on a sociopath boyfriend issue.

OMG PUP
You are unbelievable!!! That is exactly what he said last time. He said i was pushy and demanding and wanted things my way...and all i wanted was to be with him..Thats being demanding?? If he knew i met another man, what do you think will happen?

 
Old 02-15-2011, 12:55 PM   #6
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Re: Please advise me on a sociopath boyfriend issue.

let him think he dumped you, even though you don't want him back.....don't make it seem like you rejected him, just don't talk to him anymore!

 
Old 02-15-2011, 02:05 PM   #7
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Re: Please advise me on a sociopath boyfriend issue.

Quote:
Originally Posted by njgrlinfl View Post
OMG PUP
You are unbelievable!!! That is exactly what he said last time. He said i was pushy and demanding and wanted things my way...and all i wanted was to be with him..Thats being demanding?? If he knew i met another man, what do you think will happen?


Just let him go- you are safer that way, trust me. Get away while the getting is good! He's a pro- you will always lose

Pup

 
Old 02-20-2011, 01:15 AM   #8
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Re: Please advise me on a sociopath boyfriend issue.

nj,

Sociopath's are potentially dangerous and the only way to deal with them is to end all contact with him immediately and forever. There are no exceptions.

I have been dealing with a sociopath my entire life (my adopted sister). I cannot tell you the devastation she has created for our entire family, particularly my mother. The rest of us have ended all contact, and avoid anything to do with her. There is no "real" person in there, just a non-stop lie, upon another lie. She only lives to deceive people to get what she wants from then and move on to the next one. At first glimpse she appears to be anything she wants to be. She has impersonated police officers, FBI, CIA, military officer, bounty hunter, and a list a mile long. She has committed fraud, elder abuse, financial crimes and gun charges. That is just off the top of my head.

Sociopaths are defined as person who have no conscious. They have no ability to empathize with others, completely selfish, without a soul. There is no cure, no treatment, and it only gets worse as they age. Most end up in prison or mental wards, alone and destitute. They are not capable of being friends, or having normal relationships. The only recommendation the professionals give is to run.

Forget you ever knew this man. Go on with your life and never look back. If you have found a nice man who treats you well, focus on him.

I know this sounds over the top, dramatic and overstated, but it is not. This is one subject that I know, following much counseling with professionals trained in dealing with sociopaths family members and victims of their actions. Sociopaths themselves rarely seek treatment because in their eyes they have no problem. Everything is the fault of others.

Sociopaths are not capable of being boyfriends, only to pose as one until they get what they want, then it is on to the next, without a thought. They can be as charming as can be, while they clean out your wallet.

Please take the advice here, block this man completely out of your life. I wish you well and hope you can put this experience behind you forever.

Thank you for reading, I know it was long...

 
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