So I wake up this morning after having a very pleasant dream about (of all people) my boss. Then I look over at my sleeping DH and sigh. He's doing better lately, but after too many years of what we thought was depression, but since has been diagnosed as bipolar, my energy for addressing his disorder has been sapped.
Spontaneity and fun is dead (perhaps common with long term relationships), intimacy is rare (physical intimacy squashed by meds, emotional intimacy by his self absorption). What may be a surprise benefit; my sense of self confidence is high. After living with him too long and watching as he religiously medicates and then does everything else wrong (staying in bed, avoiding human interaction, alternating between excusing irritability as part of the illness or sinking into depression out of guilt) I know what would help him. The problem is I don't know how to muster the interest to try again to tell him and help him along his path. Simply put, this man is a lot of work. Encouragement requested, cheerleaders welcome.
It sounds as though you're going through some of the same sort of emotions and thoughts that I'm going through with my spouse. At one point in time, it was as though my wife was drowning, and in my efforts to try to help save her she was only pulling me under with her. Even though my wife recently seems to be starting to make improvements, I'm afraid that after 8 months of this terrible rollercoaster ride called bipolar, that I'm just not that emotionally attached anymore. How could I be? For almost a year now my spouse has been almost the complete opposite of the person in which I had originally fallen in love. I'm just hoping that with her continued improvement, that we can start to recover what we once enjoyed in each other so much. I'm trying to arrange weekend trips and events to get back some of the fun and spontaneity in our own relationship. I know perfectly well what you mean when you talk about those things dissapearing from the relationship. I think it helps that we have a young daughter to be able to plan different things around.
I'm afraid that I can't offer you much in the way of words to pick you up. I can only offer you prayers and wishes of luck. I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone out here in what you are struggling through.
The Following User Says Thank You to Breezin For This Useful Post: Mihral21 (03-10-2011)