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Old 03-29-2011, 04:34 PM   #1
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ConfusedShino HB User
New Boyfriend with Manic Depression

I have never dated anyone with Manic Depression/Bipolar before, so I feel a little lost and confused.

I've known this guy for over a month now, and we just recently started dating. I'd say its been close to 2 weeks since he considers us BF/GF. In the beginning (and before officially dating), he has been affectionate, would say some pretty racy things, compliment me all the time, etc. Whenever we would hang out (to get to know each other), we'd always manage to get along, laugh at almost everything, we clicked on a very good level. As we became closer, things got more serious. Now, in the beginning of us getting to know each other, he told me he is Manic Depressive. He would describe to me how he would feel when he is down or when he is in his high phase. I honestly didn't think too much into it (I didn't expect to date him) and I kind of forgot about what he had told me. Well, Friday night came, we had an awesome time, ended on a good note. Saturday rolled around and started to be a little distant. I left it alone until Sunday came. He completely shut me out (and shut his roommates out) and wouldn't really converse with anyone. I offered to pick him up and spend some time with him but he refused. He told me the next day that it was because he didn't want to dump any of his problems on me (I eventually remember his manic depression). For the past few days now, he has not really talked to me, said anything to me in the mornings. It feels like I'm invisible.

Now I don't know if this is the depression side of his condition thats causing him to close up like this...but how does someone handle it? I am constantly blaming myself as if it were my fault. I keep telling myself that it isn't my fault, and eventually I get angry because I'm basically a ghost to him! Any suggestions? It's causing me to become depressed.

I have no idea how to handle someone like this...and to top it all off, he's unmedicated and refuses to see anyone about it (stated that no one ever helped him). HELP!

 
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Old 05-01-2011, 11:34 PM   #2
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Nevada, USA
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givemenovacaine HB User
Re: New Boyfriend with Manic Depression

Quote:
Originally Posted by ConfusedShino View Post
I have never dated anyone with Manic Depression/Bipolar before, so I feel a little lost and confused.

I've known this guy for over a month now, and we just recently started dating. I'd say its been close to 2 weeks since he considers us BF/GF. In the beginning (and before officially dating), he has been affectionate, would say some pretty racy things, compliment me all the time, etc. Whenever we would hang out (to get to know each other), we'd always manage to get along, laugh at almost everything, we clicked on a very good level. As we became closer, things got more serious. Now, in the beginning of us getting to know each other, he told me he is Manic Depressive. He would describe to me how he would feel when he is down or when he is in his high phase. I honestly didn't think too much into it (I didn't expect to date him) and I kind of forgot about what he had told me. Well, Friday night came, we had an awesome time, ended on a good note. Saturday rolled around and started to be a little distant. I left it alone until Sunday came. He completely shut me out (and shut his roommates out) and wouldn't really converse with anyone. I offered to pick him up and spend some time with him but he refused. He told me the next day that it was because he didn't want to dump any of his problems on me (I eventually remember his manic depression). For the past few days now, he has not really talked to me, said anything to me in the mornings. It feels like I'm invisible.

Now I don't know if this is the depression side of his condition thats causing him to close up like this...but how does someone handle it? I am constantly blaming myself as if it were my fault. I keep telling myself that it isn't my fault, and eventually I get angry because I'm basically a ghost to him! Any suggestions? It's causing me to become depressed.

I have no idea how to handle someone like this...and to top it all off, he's unmedicated and refuses to see anyone about it (stated that no one ever helped him). HELP!
First let me tell you this... THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. It is not your fault that he is bipolar nobody possesses that much power. Second, he sounds like a very decent guy and this does sound like a depression phase. Try to get into contact with him and let him know that you are there to listen, and tell him that he really needs to get some help. If he gets help then his life won't be a constant struggle. If you hear about anything relating to suicide or you suspect suicide, call the cops. They will evaluate him for the night and they won't hurt him. I hope that this helps... good luck

 
Old 05-04-2011, 03:57 PM   #3
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 27
Mihral21 HB User
Re: New Boyfriend with Manic Depression

For what it's worth, my advice is run don't walk away from this one. You're still new to the relationship. You're already feeling depressed because of his behavior. He's admittedly bipolar and refuses to get help. It's impossible to not see the red flags. Unfortunately it is possible to ignore them. I urge you not to do that.

At first my husband and I thought he was just a bit grouchy (anyone tell you that irritability is a common symptom? They can become unbearable at the drop of a hat). Then he was diagnosed with depression. And finally about two years ago with bipolar. He's worked at addressing the disorder and he does take meds. Let me tell, you it's still terrible.

It will change you and not for the better. In the meantime, he will not change except to get worse. Some may say that's a worst-case scenario and perhaps it is. It's also highly likely. Does he need help? Absolutely. But you're telling us that right now he won't accept it. If the day comes where he will accept it, there's no reason to think that you'll be the one who can best provide it. I can all but promise you, if you stick with this one, you'll find you regret it.

Sorry to sound so dire, but I've been down the bipolar road and it's not one I would recommend to anyone. All this and my husband, is a 'clean case'; no drugs, alcohol or promiscuity. He's tried to get help. He takes his meds. And still, living in this situation rates right up there with banging my head against a wall.

 
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