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Old 05-30-2011, 08:31 PM   #1
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cracklemuffin HB User
Unhappy Girlfriend victim of SRA and sexual abuse. Need someone to talk to BADLY.

My girlfriend, Krista, has dissociative identity disorder, aka multiple personality disorder, due to satanic ritual abuse she went through as a kid, and multiple times of being sexually abused by boyfriends and ex husbands. The DID isn't a problem for our relationship, it's her abuse victim mindset that I can't seem to understand, which causes stress, tensions and frustrations for both of us. The way she sees life, the way the thinks and deals with her issues, even non-abuse or DID related issues, like everyday life stuff, is just so different than the way I handle and see things, that it's starting to put a strain on our connection with each other. I try my hardest to understand how she feels, but invariably end up making things worse by trying to tell her things will get better, trying to encourage her, and she shoots me down just about every time with her negative thinking. It's SO draining on me, and I'm trying my best to be patient, but it just seems like I'm getting nowhere, like I'm making things worse for her than better. She says my just being there for her is helping her a lot (I'm her first healthy relationship), but I just don't see it.

So I guess my questions are:
-How do I fight abuse victim thinking (I'm worthless, don't deserve good things, and I deserve to feel and think the way I do because of what I went through),
-what can I do to be more patient,
- what can I do to understand her feelings and thinking better,
-How do I encourage her when she seems to not want to be encouraged

I really just need someone to talk to when things go down. I have no one I can't keep all this inside of myself. I NEED someone to talk to, just to vent myself, usually, about the issues i'm having with her and how to support her better. I need some resources.

 
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Old 06-02-2011, 09:24 AM   #2
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Location: North Palm Beach Florida
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ghelpmelivelife HB Userghelpmelivelife HB Userghelpmelivelife HB Userghelpmelivelife HB User
Re: Girlfriend victim of SRA and sexual abuse. Need someone to talk to BADLY.

I think it is wonderful you are still with her and by her side, looking for help so you can remain there! What a wonderful person you are! If I were you I would just do alot of research on the web in how to deal with her problems, and then maybe a joint therapy session would be great, then maybe she can see that your words are to help her not upset her. You are in for a long ride, is she going to a therapist on a regular basis? Getting the help she needs? Meds? God luck to you, she is SO lucky to have you and your support!

 
Old 06-03-2011, 10:51 AM   #3
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katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: Girlfriend victim of SRA and sexual abuse. Need someone to talk to BADLY.

Okay, lets answer some questions....

So I guess my questions are:
-How do I fight abuse victim thinking (I'm worthless, don't deserve good things, and I deserve to feel and think the way I do because of what I went through),

You can't, because it's not your thinking. You can't fight her feelings for her, she has to get to a psychiatrist, get treatment, i.e. therapy, meds, and work on this herself.

-what can I do to be more patient,

Just be more Patient...don't question her, don't constantly tell her you want to help her, don't constantly tell her you want her to be better or have a better life or not be so sad, etc...Keep your thoughts to yourself and be patient.....it's very hard, I know.

- what can I do to understand her feelings and thinking better,

You can go see a Psychiatrist and or a support group for loved ones of victims of abuse and deal with your feelings and emotions about all of this, it will help you. But don't drag her into your understanding and getting help, this is for you.

-How do I encourage her when she seems to not want to be encouraged


You keep it simple, say something nice, "You look pretty today" and drop it. When you overload someone with encouragement it's kind of like putting negative numbers together, you get the opposite of what you want.

You sound like a really great guy, but unfortunatly most of these issues you mention have to be solved by your GF, before she can share them with you. It sounds like she has a lot of healing to do and it takes time, a long time. You also have to do your own learning and understanding of the situation and perhaps realize that some of the things you want may never happen.....and yo have to decide if this is what's right for you for the long haul....because honestly it won't ever be over for her, not the kind of trauma you've listed, this is a lifelong deal.

So, the best thing you can do is decide if you can handle this, because if you can't, it's not right to drag it on.

I wish you well and hope that the 2 of you can figure this out. Everyone thats been hurt this bad deserves a guy like you to want to make it right, please know, that's really a great thing. )

kat

 
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dissociative identity disorder, relationship problems, satanic ritual abuse, sexual abuse, support



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