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Old 06-11-2011, 11:29 PM   #1
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My mother is sick.

I realize that my story may incite disapproval in many that read this post. Please understand that you have no idea what it's like to live with a schizophrenic parent until you have actually LIVED with a schizophrenic parent...

My mother is ill and has been for years. Around the time of her diagnosis, she and my father were separated - my mother, my sister and I living across the country from my father and brother.

My older brother became estranged from our mom not long after my parents' separation. His decision to cut-off contact with her had nothing to do with her illness (when he stopped seeing/speaking to her, she did not display the characteristics of schizophrenia). My mother physically and emotionally abused my brother throughout his entire childhood and adolescence. No one could blame him for cutting off contact with her.

Not long after my brother and mom's relationship disintegrated, my mom began displaying very obvious characteristics of schizophrenia. I'm not going to elaborate on that.

After a few months, my younger sister (who had also suffered abuse and neglect at the hands of my mom) took a trip to see my father. She never came back.

Which left me, 15 at the time, to look after my mother. For two years I did the absolute best I could. But when my mom attempted suicide my senior year of high school, I was no longer permitted to live with her.

When I first moved away from my mother, I wrote her a letter. The letter basically explained my reasons for leaving and expressed that I would not be able to have a relationship with her until she sought help/medication for her schizophrenia.

That was 10 years ago. As far as I know, she has not gotten help.

Neither my brother nor my sister have any interest in seeing my mother ever again. I, however, miss her and think about her every single day. I would like to resume my relationship with her, but I'm terrified of the toll it will take on both of us. Me, because my mother always had an unhealthy "hold" over me. And my mother, because I'm not sure how she (as an extremely devout Catholic) will be able to handle her daughter (me) being a lesbian. I came out about 3 years ago and I dont think she has any idea.

I think about my mother constantly. And I would like to see her and be there for her - whether she agrees to medication or not. But I live with my girlfriend and, even if I could, I dont think I'd want to hide who I am from her.

Is getting in contact with her now the right thing to do? Or is it self-serving? My life has absolutely been easier without her in it, but I want her to know I love her.

Please help me. I don't know what to do.

 
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Old 06-12-2011, 12:17 AM   #2
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Re: My mother is sick.

sticky situation...whatever u decide, just remember that catholics and lesbians is going to be difficult at the best of times. Perhaps put that on the back burner initially, as who you find sexual pleasure with is not her concern, really, as much as her sex life is neither your business. try build a bridge first, then come to that later. just hope that the bridge you build now will be welcomed enough to overcome your obstacle later on.///she surely must acknowledge by now that u are a grown up driving your own bus...but with scitzophrenia, common sense sometimes counts for little...goodluck..

 
Old 06-13-2011, 05:40 AM   #3
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Re: My mother is sick.

I'm sorry about your situation that has to be very difficult I have dealt with family issues but not so much like that so I can only imagin I think it would be good to get in touch with her but know it will be hard I agree with the above poster that you should first build a bridge but as a sz sufferer she does need support and there are groups she could participate in and of course message boards which has helped me just to hear others stories and to get things off my chest but I don't have the same emotions as a mentally healthy person so I could go without and not really aknowlage the situation but she is your mother and I think it would be nice to have some sort of relationship wether it's letters emails or visits every now and again if she is against meds maybe suggest natural ways to help I hear omega threes are a big help with alot of things I hope you the best I would do some research and write her and see what she thinks and I'd hold off on the lesbian thing til you get a general feel for her good luck

 
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Old 07-07-2011, 05:32 AM   #4
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Re: My mother is sick.

Seriously, since we're not being politically correct, I think you will do better without her. Letting my schizophrenic mom in my life ruined my life. It took out every light in me. But, you know, my brother is developing schizophrenia, and he didn't want anything to do with my mom. And she never abused him. He just didn't want to help. So, it looks like what goes around comes around. So maybe it's good karma to help.

But now, I have a huge alcohol problem. So try not to over estimate your strength. Maybe, you shouldn't find her.

 
Old 01-10-2012, 05:40 AM   #5
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Re: My mother is sick.

i wouldnt.
you arent dealing with a rational mind.
i understand your want and need for a mother. totally.

could she accept you for the lovely gal you are today? maybe...but do you think YOU could?
would it break you apart if SHE couldnt?
are you strong enough to deal with the reality of her?
are you very sure the reason why your oldest sibling didnt go home was for other reasons than your moms illness?

 
Old 01-13-2012, 03:25 AM   #6
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Re: My mother is sick.

hi,we are not here to judge you on your sexual orientation
i think your need to contact your mother shows that you may have issues in your life that are unresolved
it is very important that if you renew your relationship you do it from a position of strenth,make sure you are in a positive frame of mind ,never make excuses or try to hide who you are
my advise would always be to tell her about your relationship first because that is likely to be the most important thing in your life

Last edited by souriya123; 01-13-2012 at 03:26 AM.

 
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