ive searched all over for some type of support or advice. this will probably be a long post so i apologize in advance.
ive been with my wife since 2002, ive always known she was bipolar, it runs in her moms side of the family. her mom and grandpa were bipolar too. ive had such a rough time with her over the years but also alot of good times as well. the past few years have been really tough for me to deal with her. she has soo many peT peeves and is soo frugal with money it's not even funny. she always has to have a certain amount saved or she will loose it mentally and go into a depression for days on end. i mean if you whistle, chew your food a certain way she blows up into a rage and will even do it right in public.
it got soo bad with her back in 2006 that i split up with her and dated for awhile. but in the end i missed her and we ended up back together and married with two kids. shes very tense at times with the kids too although she is still a great mother to them. i do fear sometimes one of my girls will inherit this monster from their mom though. i hate to see her suffer like this. she shuts me out soo much and always is sleeping or depressed. if i try to talk to her about it, she never wants to talk unless she brings it up which is seldom.
shes unmedicated and not seeing a therapist. we do not have insurance and we cannot afford it even though we do both work. shes afraid to buy a car when we need one, shes afraid to move even though the area we live is rough. it even took me everything i had to cancel our sprint account and move to another carrier even though in the end she admitted i was right. she has sorta took over paying the bills and im soo sick of never being able to make any money decisions with her unless i just go out and buy what i need.
just like last night she blew up in a restaurant about just talking about moving and even today shes depressed and was crying. i just do not know what to do with her anymore. she needs help and i do not know how to help her? she used to drink alot to ease the pain but has been sober for over 6 months now. i do not think she ever cheated on me but once in awhile it did cross my mind when she used to hang out at a bar with her friends all the time after work. i love her and i know she loves me but sometimes it doesn't show when she walks around in a haze all the time. then she will just snap out of it for a few weeks. shes compulsive cleans and no matter what i do isn't good enough for her standards. to the point we fight about it.
you see im very vocal and while i feel for her i fight back and try to put her back into her place, especially when i know shes wrong and it's the bipolar talking. about once a year something little will set her off into a rage and we will get into actual physical fights where i have had to defend myself. she has a horrid explosive temper sometimes. ive even seen her throw an adult temper tantrum. i don't tolerate that from my kids and i won't from her either.
she needs help and so do i. i do not want a divorce nor to be without her. i just feel like there is this wall between us and i cannot tear it down. what should i do guys? how can i get her help when she does not want it and when we cannot afford it?