Borderline personality disorder: how to talk to someone suffering from BPD
I am in a relationship with someone who seems to have bordlerline personality disorder. At first, I couldn't figure out what was going on in our relationship, but after much research, BPD fits my spouse to a T. I would read stories of others dealing with a loved one with BPD and they were telling my story.
I'm at a loss right now as to how to talk to him. My boyfriend and I have lived together for two and a half years and our relationship is quickly failing apart. His anger is getting more and more intense. He is angry all. The time about everything. He's also always getting mad at me. And nothing is ever his fault according to him.
At times, he's also very depressed and then the next day, he couldn't be happier. I'm at a loss. I love him very much, and I don't know what to do.
How do I bring this issue up to him? And what can I. Do to help myself. ?
Re: Borderline personality disorder: how to talk to someone suffering from BPD
I absolutely agree with you. Im defineately working on me. My fear is that his anger and emotional issues are getting out of control. He needs help that I can't give him. What can I do being the loving and supportive spouse? I am not ready to give up on this relationship yet. In the end, it might not work out, but I care for his well being.
Re: Borderline personality disorder: how to talk to someone suffering from BPD
Hi,
I am in the same position with my partner, however my response is different, if you really do love him, as i love my partner, the likelyhood of you just walking away and leaving him, especially with a condition is not exactly easy. His anger issues can easily be stabalised with medication if he is willing to be assessed and see a doctor, my partner decided himself to see a doctor and is now on medication. I am seeing how it helps, but i have researched and heard very good feedback about the change and effect it has. I dont think you cant help your partner at all, but i dont believe you can do it alone, he needs to seek medical help, research bpd on the net, every bit of information has helped me so much to understand the condition and it has given me so many options and even a little security. When your partner is distant or angry towards you it is important (although very hard) that you dont take it personally, its all part of the illness. Dont be 100% negative, the end situation depends on your level of mental strength and his acceptance of medical help. It takes time but is dedicated you will see healthy results. Lastly a little top for you to keep yourself grounded is to take up a hobby that has nothing to do with your partner or anything too strenuous, even cliche relaxion methods can really help, like a hot bath with candles and calming music, yoga or even just talking to a friend about your situation, venting ALWAYS helps.
Re: Borderline personality disorder: how to talk to someone suffering from BPD
Thank u 123 for this responce. Yes i think you need to take care of yourself but it's really hrd to just walk away from someone you love & not look back. As long as you are not in danger or being abused in any way it's okay to stand by your loved one.
Re: Borderline personality disorder: how to talk to someone suffering from BPD
I agree, i think if you love your partner and you think you are strong enough to cope and like you said, are in no danger emotionally or physically, i don't see any wrong in standing by them and helping them. I dont agree with people that say someone with BPD can not be helped, it just takes a lot of time and dedication. Its all about trust and comfort, if you can get that through to them and they believe that they have it in you, the rest will come in time.
Re: Borderline personality disorder: how to talk to someone suffering from BPD
Trust and comfort. im not sure of the level that stangbov's partner is at but if its not the most serious case, medication and security can be enough for a stable life.
Re: Borderline personality disorder: how to talk to someone suffering from BPD
My husband does not have out of control anger. I am not in danger. I have been with this man for 18 years & he is the father of my amazing children. Yes it's hard @ times & I get frustrated with him but I am dedicated to him just as he would be to me if I developed an illness. I am not judging anyone for deciding they can't handle it cuz I don't know their circumstances. I just don't want to be judged for wanting to stay. Yes his problem is my problem cuz he's my family & is a good man with issues. He needs me & desearves love& patience
Re: Borderline personality disorder: how to talk to someone suffering from BPD
Well said love, Everyday is work. He has good days and bad days, but the good ones always outweigh the bad. I honestly think that with these meds hes on and my support that in time there will be many more good days than bad.
Many many documentries have proven that someone with BPD can live a very normal life, just have a few more ups and downs than most because they cant always deal with their emotions. Someone with BPD is not completely damaged and do not deserve to be abandoned because of it. My partner is the love of my life and il be there until the end. Life isnt ALL about yourself, but of course i recommend exercises to help you throught it as i mentioned in an earlier post. Many best wishes stangbov. Hugs x
Last edited by Administrator; 06-26-2012 at 11:35 PM.
Re: Borderline personality disorder: how to talk to someone suffering from BPD
its always hard with BPD because a lot of the time there are other mental disorders entangles with the BPD.
Definitely venting to someone who can handle the details is a great asset, getting it off your chest makes it easier not to resent the person you love/care for.
try looking into medication, dialectical behavioral therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy. They often can help make things easier for you and your partner. but they have to be willing to try and get better otherwise it really won't do much at all :/
my best wishes to you!
Re: Borderline personality disorder: how to talk to someone suffering from BPD
I am currently going through the exact situation.. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and recently had my attention brought to BPD. After hearing the description of this it sounded exactly like my boyfriend. The only thing is he doesnt self harm, thank god. I wouldnt know how to bring it up to him and there isnt anyone else close to him that I can talk to about it. I'm just wondering what has happened since this post.. whether you two are still together and if so has any progress been made? I'm just in a hard place myself.
Location: Eugene, Oregon, United States of America
Posts: 2
Re: Borderline personality disorder: how to talk to someone suffering from BPD
HeartbrokenLady, I have a similar situation, but it is with someone that has anti-social personality disorder, sociopath, or psychopath, which ever one your comfortable with. Myself, psychopath works, because that is the clinical diagnoses.
It is very difficult to hang on or let go of a partner, or friend with a very dominating mental disorder. A person has to be willing to sacrifice A LOT of their own ideas, plans, or ambitions. So, if you find it acceptable to give-up, or trade-off, or never-have, a normal lifestyle, then by all means be there. However, if you are not willing to sacrifice A LOT of the potential I'm sure you have, then walk away.
Re: Borderline personality disorder: how to talk to someone suffering from BPD
Sounds like it is bioplar disorder. Sad and Happy suddenly at different timing.
Anyway, if he is so angry, you need to get out of this relationship as it is becoming abusive. I know this thing that the mate always wants to help and support... But you need to find him a psychiatrist and get him to be on medications first before you can support him. Your talk alone cannot save or help him. If you don't get him professional help, you need to help yourself first and leave him.
There are many guys who are healthier out there. Please help yourself first.
Location: Eugene, Oregon, United States of America
Posts: 2
Re: Borderline personality disorder: how to talk to someone suffering from BPD
ninamarc, You are so right that professional help is the only way to go, because there are lasting effects to the people that have shared time and space with someone that has a mental disorder. Therefore, it is very difficult to help if you, yourself needs help.
Re: Borderline personality disorder: how to talk to someone suffering from BPD
Quote:
Originally Posted by HeartbrokenLady
My fear is that his anger and emotional issues are getting out of control. He needs help that I can't give him. What can I do being the loving and supportive spouse? I am not ready to give up on this relationship yet. In the end, it might not work out, but I care for his well being.
If he really does have BPD, then there isn't enough love and support in the world that you can give him. You will always fail, and it will always be your fault you couldn't give enough. I know it sounds heartless to suggest you just leave, but people with BPD can be brutal to their victims - even if it's not physical abuse, it's still abuse - and you need to think of yourself first. Also, how much support can you be once he's beaten you down?
Re: Borderline personality disorder: how to talk to someone suffering from BPD
it's true that whatever happens, no matter who's fault it is, it will always be yours. They will blame you and you will blame yourself for not being strong enough, not being careful enough, not being under control enough.
people with BPD are confused and distressed and they don't now how to cope with the emotions that they are feeling and they don't know how to take the actions to adapt so they try to remove all responsibility from themselves and force it onto whoever is around them.
hopefully you will be able to talk him into getting help before it starts to really build up too much
