I posted a few months ago about my boyfriend, who has bipolar. I've come here now with needing some assistance/advice.
My boyfriend doesn't have the best job history... not necessarily by fault of his own. I think dealing with bipolar, as well as an unwanted divorce, didn't help things. He has been unemployed the last three years, and was taking care of his sick mom until she passed away in December.
He is trying desperately to find a job. He lives an hour and 40 minutes from me, in another state, and is looking for jobs in my area (so he can move up here). He wants to have a purpose, wants to work so he can provide for me whenever we get married... but I don't think he's heard back from ANYTHING. I've sent him jobs for months to apply for... first things he had experience in (TV stations, newspapers, web-savvy jobs) but broadened to things like office workers and retail, like Walmart and Staples.
I am at a loss. I know the economy SUCKS right now, so even people with shiny resumes and no employment gaps are having trouble... but is there anything else? I don't think he's willing to go the restaurant/food service route, but other than that I don't know what else is out there. Are there are any companies, organizations, types of places that would be sympathetic to someone with a varied work history and 3 (going on 4) year unemployment gap? My SIL helped make his resume look good despite these issues, but it's like employers aren't giving him a chance. It's like the only thing standing between us and engagement is a job, and it doesn't seem like that may happen any time soon.
I'm trying to be positive, trying to be trusting that God has a plan... but it's hard. Especially when said boyfriend does things like spend three hours trying to fix a computer issue instead of using that time looking for a job! Not to say he can't do other things... but I wish he'd treat job searching like a FT job. Maybe it's his bipolar, maybe his personality. I don't know.
Okay, kinda off-topic, but I've noticed something about him. He is OBSESSED with dogs (pet dogs, anyway). Like his last dog, who passed away 10+ years ago... he talks about her a LOT. And then him and his dad are getting a new puppy this Sunday, and he is SO excited about it. Which I can understand, but it seems a little excessive. Like he's more excited about this puppy than about seeing me. I feel bad about being a little... jealous? about a puppy. But is this common with people with bipolar? That they have a focus like that?
Sorry for being rambly just have a lot on my mind...
Funny you should mention the dog. My h & fil have this disability & they are both obsessed with their dogs. It's like they're more attached to them than family members but I'm wondering if it's cuz you can't dissappoint a dog. They aren't let down or want to leave you cuz of inadequacies. It took me awhile to not be jealous cuz at times it sucks.
As far as the dog/puppy thing goes: People with bipolar often have OCD or OCD tendencies. Or maybe he was just born a dog lover... Also, mental patients are notoriously immature (read that in Current Therapy) and we can't help it. First you said he was trying desperately to find work, but that business you mentioned about him spending time NOT job hunting is more complicated. He could be really discouraged, or perhaps he doesn't possess the strong work drive/ethic that you THINK he should have. (I know few bipolars who are able to work full-time, healthwise.) Must he be able to support you? I don't know his age, but bipolarism changes with age, so realize he may leave the work force permanently in the future -- just a possibility. I just hope you know whether you want to be with him regardless of his earning potential. Good luck!
I understand where you are coming from. You know sometimes we females want to take care of others. If he hasn't got work it might be that way when you are together. You might be the one to take care of the family .are you willing to do that. you might want to think hard about this.
Thanks everyone for the replies... well, I have thought about it for a while and wouldn't mind supporting him if need be, whenever we get married. Though I wouldn't want to stay at my current job because it's crazy stressful, but eventually if I could find something better that pays about the same, that'd be great. BUT he is very traditional and WANTS to support me, wants to provide for me.
We really want to get married - part of me wants to elope, just to get him on my insurance (in addition to bipolar, he has some other issues like allergies and dental issues and it makes it hard to take care of without income or insurance)... but we want to do this right.
It's hard and I know it won't always be easy, but I love him and I'm committed to him... through thick and thin. We're both Christians and trying to trust that God has a plan for us. I keep reminding him (and myself) that he brought us together a year ago, when we both thought there wasn't someone out there for us... it's just hard sometimes to see what the big picture could be!
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: hollins2007 stangbov (05-31-2012), TinoRock (05-30-2012)