I have a friend that I have had for several years -we have been very connected despite a long distance speaking every day via voice chat, reading together, gaming etc. This person has in essence become a part of my family taking the place of my original family that I am now estranged from after the death of my parents.
I have a long history of severe chronic depression which has been exacerbated over the past 3 years by underemployment on my part so I KNOW I have a tendency to involve myself in codependent type relationships and I also know that I can be unreasonable and unlikeable at times. I am not saying this to excuse my faults simply acknowledging that they exist.
My friend I feel has depression although will not seek help for it despite the many stresses in their life.
My problem is that our relationship tends to be extremely volatile at times. Frequently a simple misunderstanding based on the fact that we view the world very differently at times is blown by my friend into a grievous sin on my part and my friend will blow up at me accusing me of being horrible and mean to them, abusing them etc etc and saying that they refuse to speak to me ever again unless I accept 100% of the responsibility for the miscommunication and apologize for everything I've done to them.
Recently I wanted to set something up with a few friends including this person and my best friend that I haven't seen or spoken to in months due to family commitments etc. These 2 sometimes dont get along because they both have faults that really rub one another the wrong way. When my one friend found out my best friend may be there they said "I'll give them one chance but if they do the thing that really annoys me it's either them or me". Now I admit my best friend CAN be annoying but I still love him like a brother. Them saying that to me upset me greatly as I saw it as an ultimatum and unfair.
Later my friend asked me if I was mad about what they had said and I answered truthfully not exactly mad when pressed on the issue I said"I am just frustrated because it seems like you are being aggressive and unreasonable about this issue. By saying I'll give them 1 chance and then it's either them or me it seems like you are going into this looking for a fight and when you do that you usually find one"
My friend now says they won't talk to me any more saying "I think you owe me an apology for what you said so don't bother responding unless you are begging my pardon and that you see the error of your ways"
It seems to me that my friend uses emotional blackmail frequently when they are hurting (and they are over a number of unrelated things aside from anything I may do or say) and that I should cut off contact or at least reduce it to maintain what little of my own stability I can scrounge together.
Right now I'm hurtin -thank you for listening