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confusedlostone 07-19-2012 12:07 PM

live in bf has BPD
 
hello ..wow i am new here and looking for some advise or someone who understands how this all works .. i have been going through this with my live in bf for the past 4yrs. ... i read up on all the info i can find to make sure i am not alone in this ..it is so hard when it's happening not to take the coldness personal even though part of you knows that's not the person they really are ..

louise 2 07-19-2012 01:02 PM

Re: My partner has BPD
 
Hi I so know where you are coming from this man will be like no realationship you have ever had in your life my husband has Bi polar too. The only way you can remain strong for him is to stay strong yourself Hold on to your friends ,hold on to your life,stay independant do not allow him to become your alminate focus in life then you will remain strong enough to be the support he needs and enjoy the good times because their will be many believe me . There just has to be a balance in your life too

confusedlostone 07-19-2012 02:03 PM

Re: My partner has BPD
 
hi louise 2 .. so this is normal when they get depressed to shut down and not want to have anything to do with the person they loved so much the day before ? what would you say to be the best thing to do when this happens ? i mean is there something you can do to helo them snap out of it ? or you just have to wait it out .. i am so lost .. the last time we lived together and this happened we broke up twice ..this time he went to the doctor and they tried him out on abilfy to stablize his moods but then he up and stopped and around the same time the bottom fell out around the house everything started breaking down which hasn't helped things at all.

louise 2 07-19-2012 02:33 PM

Re: My partner has BPD
 
Hi we have been together 10 years I thought I was strong enough to fix everything people would tell me how much better he is since he met me but living together did not work for us .Before we moved in together we both had separate lives but connected lives we were both devoted to the relationship and enjoyed being together when we were . Their was times he was low problems with work his family ect but having my own life I had the energy to be totally supportive. We moved in together got married had the most beautiful emotional wedding day of our lives he became step dad to my kids and tried to take on the role of husband,dad and what is perceived by everyone else as the norm. We became one of his problems to deal with even thou he loves us dearly as he has said he cant and deal or read issues with things the same as us. My children struggled with his mood swings I took them personally . He needs to feel he is coping and we love him as him sadly he needs his on space to cope with the reassurance that my love for him is limitless it doesn't matter that people see your relationship as strange it has to be what works best for you. You both need to see the right doctor and support my husband is on lithium now after trying lots of others it works for him and he has monthly blood tests to see it is at the right level I know this doesn't sound like happy ever after and havin someone there 24/7 but you have to decide what is the path for you and you need to put yourself and your family first.

statikkat17 07-22-2012 01:06 AM

Re: My partner has BPD
 
with BPD it is very common for them to shut down and become very low, so much that they forget about everything and everyone else. the best is to wait it out and be very kind and supportive when they come "back to life". it's hard, especially when it feels like they're pushing you away. stay strong and do only what you can do comfortably and safely

louise 2 07-22-2012 12:26 PM

Re: live in bf has BPD
 
that's right we love them dearly and at times it feels like he loves you more than anyone has loved you before those little bits of wonderful are special hopefully see you both through the not so good times look after yourself just have faith in the good times and know it is the illness not him and you can only so much.Look after yourself surround yourself with good friends and happiness too you are a fabulous


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