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Old 07-22-2012, 05:59 PM   #1
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Exclamation Dating a Schizophrenic and need help!

I've been dating this guy for over 6 months now and I truly do love him. When we started dating he told me he had schizophrenia. A few months later I started noticing things like sometimes we'd go over the same issue more than once and he'd think I said basically the opposite of what I really did. Sometimes he keeps saying that I get mad over things when in reality I don't. I try to explain to him that it's not what I said or it's not what I was feeling but he still has it in his mind that I did it the way he thought. And I just get so upset sometimes when I'm trying to explain to him that I don't know why he thinks the situation is the way it is, and when I get upset it just makes things worse. Any way I could try to handle that better? I think this all may have something to do with his schizophrenia but I'm not completely sure. I've tried researching the mental issue for answers and details about it but can't really find things that I need to know. I think everyone with this issue is probably different so if someone could help me out by giving me answers I'd appreciate it. We've never really brought up the issue or talked about it much so I don't know how he'd react if I did bring it up to him. Any advice on how I should bring up his schizophrenia to talk about it? Please and thank you!

 
Old 07-22-2012, 06:33 PM   #2
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Re: Dating a Schizophrenic and need help!

This is my experience with a guy I was dating with Schizophrenia. I'm not saying this is going to happen to you, but it happened to me. This happened two weeks ago and I'm completely heartbroken. I loved him a lot and cared for him too. In the end he told me that he had no emotions and couldn't cry. I haven't seen or heard from him in two weeks. I was with him for almost 7 months. I want to share with you my story.


When I first met him he told me he had a guardian (his guardianship was taken away because he had a very bad head injury that left him with Paranoid Schizophrenia). He told me he was very close of getting his guardianship back. He was in an apartment complex ( that was designed to help him with daily classes), had a job (this is where I met him, we worked together), and now had me. In the state he looked very good. After being in the system for four years he proved to the courts that he was ready to have his guardianship back. We started dating in December and he got it back in late May.

On and off he was seeing his "best friend" that was an EXTREMELY bad influence on him. I never was "allowed" to meet this man because they always had to hang out by themselves. At first he told me stories, but said he was a really good friend, so I let it go. The MOMENT he got a phone call saying he got his guardianship back our relationship went downhill. The minute his friend would call he would drop me to see him!! He got off two hours before me one day and when I got off work he said he was going to spend the whole weekend in Kansas City with his friend. We had plans for the weekend! Didn't invite me! Nothing!! A few weeks later he went to the casino and lost ALL his money ($900) and started smoking again. He lied about it and then he told me. I forgave him and he promised he would stop seeing his friend that he agreed with me. He was completely broke and I gave him gas money, food, etc! He promised he would pay be back and did only for half the money I spent on him!

Now, when he got his guardianship back he was suppose to get a sum of money for him that they kept. He was suppose to get around $2000. Fast forward, last Monday and it went downhill very fast!!

Last Monday he got a call to pick up his check. I gave him gas money to get there because it was in another town. We go there and he gets his money. Everything is fine that day. The next day he hangs out at my house and leaves around 3 pm. Telling me he is tired. I believe him and then I found out he was lying and hanging out with his friend again!!! On July 4th, I see him and we are trying to work things out. Trying to find a happy medium. I invite him to our family BBQ and he declines to spend time with his family. LIE! I find out he was with him again. He calls me that night and tells me he loves me and the very next day breaks up with me through text message!! Saying I'm too controlling and won't let him see his friend. Telling me he DOESN'T love me anymore and he is going to find someone else. Telling me to stay the ****** away from him and his friend!! Just the night before he is telling me how much he loves me. His friend and his friend's ex gets on Facebook and calls me all these horrible names. Saying I deserve it! It's all my fault!! He texted me today saying "I miss you and love you Jennifer. I don't want to get a divorce and last night was so much fun". That is his ex from two years ago!!! I doubt he saw her because she wants nothing to do with him and they were never married because she was legally married at the time!!!

It's a complete mess. Like I said I haven't heard from him or seen him in two weeks. I doubt I will again. I just need to move on.

Just be careful! That's my best advice.

Last edited by LPJessica22; 07-22-2012 at 06:35 PM.

 
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Old 07-22-2012, 06:51 PM   #3
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Re: Dating a Schizophrenic and need help!

Honestly I don't know what to do anymore. I love this guy so much and I can tell he loves me. He's had this disorder ever since he was born (it runs in his family and his mom did drugs while he was in the womb) but he's super smart and an amazing guy until he does what I said above. I don't know how I need to bring it up to him.. I don't wanna lose him, I wanna work things out and talk about all of this with him, but I'm scared he'll overreact if I bring it up or he just won't see it how I see it and say he's doing nothing wrong. I wouldn't know what to do!

 
Old 07-22-2012, 07:56 PM   #4
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Re: Dating a Schizophrenic and need help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BFMV1723 View Post
Honestly I don't know what to do anymore. I love this guy so much and I can tell he loves me. He's had this disorder ever since he was born (it runs in his family and his mom did drugs while he was in the womb) but he's super smart and an amazing guy until he does what I said above. I don't know how I need to bring it up to him.. I don't wanna lose him, I wanna work things out and talk about all of this with him, but I'm scared he'll overreact if I bring it up or he just won't see it how I see it and say he's doing nothing wrong. I wouldn't know what to do!
I know exactly how you feel. For months my ex would tell me he loved me. He said he was in love with me, I'm his soulmate, we are meant to be, we are going to get married and have children together, etc. I was in love with him. I would have done anything for him. I gave him so many chances! I didn't want to lose my ex. I'm still in complete shock. The problem with these people is that they can change their emotions and feelings quickly. For months he is telling me these things and the very NEXT day he is saying he doesn't love me and is finding somewhere else. I saw him everyday for months. It goes from that to never seeing him again. What I'm trying to say is I would tell him how you feel and see his reactions. How does he treat you? Do you guys argue a lot? Does his words match his actions? Is he taking his medication? Will he stay on his medication? I'm in therapy right now for this. It's very hard to be in a relationship with someone that has this illness. You have to know his intentions and see his reactions. I believed my ex and loved him so much. My heart is in a million pieces now. I have to pick them up and move on. You have to be honest with yourself and see if you can be with this man for the rest of your life. Can you trust him? Does he lie to you? Towards the end my ex lied to me all the time.

Please take what happened to me into consideration. There were so many red flags for me, but I was completely blind sighted by love. All I wanted to do was to work things out. All I wanted to do was make excuses for his behavior. I'm not saying he is like this, but please watch any warning signs, or red flags!

I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Like I said I'm still in complete shock. It's very hard for me now. I put my heart and soul into this relationship and now it's over. He ended it through text message! He told me he would never break up with me. He couldn't see himself with anyone else. They were all lies! Just be very careful! I hope things work out for you!

 
Old 08-04-2012, 11:34 PM   #5
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Re: Dating a Schizophrenic and need help!

I have a friend with mild schizophrenia and sometimes when we would hangout or stay the night she would sometimes suddenly get grumpy and annoyed with us. I eventually talked with her after she got officially diagnosed and she told me that when it's silent or really quiet the schizophrenia makes up false conversations with us and often times it's use disagreeing with her and therefore she gets ticked off. But they weren't real conversations, she only "imagined" them or whatever you want to call it. maybe thats part of what your boyfriend has too.
Talking it out i think would be a good idea because if you want to stay in a relationship you need to know the basics of what's going on inside his head, try to understand. Be empathetic with him and ask him about it... without communication relationships fail.
good luck

 
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