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Old 08-17-2012, 10:44 AM   #1
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When to leave a depressed partner

Hi,

I believe my significant other is suffering from Bipolar II. Her best friend said that's what she was diagnosed with at one point in her life. We have been together for 7 months and for the first 2 everything was amazing almost like a dream romance in the movies. Then everything changed and it was like all of a sudden she was cut off and very short with me. She has a history of cutting and has been fighting depression her whole life she says. She used to take medications but quit taking them before meeting me. The problem is now she wants to be alone most of the time, she shuns me, there is no more romance. Our intimacy is basically nonexistent. I feel like I give and give her love but she just doesn't feel it??? I wish she would just go back and get help for her depression and I have tried to set up appointments for her and everything. It's just frustrating giving and giving love but not getting much in return. I do love the person that she is and I don't just want to give up and walk away but I myself am getting hurt very often so I just don't know what to do? Any suggestions from other people that went through this or were depressed themselves?

 
Old 08-17-2012, 12:56 PM   #2
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Re: When to leave a depressed partner

Hi BlueCrush1983, I think you should try to be there for her through this difficult time. There is no time limit on how much love we can give to our partner through a difficult time. Depression is an illness that robs of our passion and drive for life when allowed to get the better of us. She may give in to you eventually, but maybe this way of rejecting you is coming more from her personailty rather than her depression. I suggest seeking out counseling for you two to go together. I hope your situation improves, you are doing the best you can.

 
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Old 08-17-2012, 02:48 PM   #3
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Re: When to leave a depressed partner

BlueCrush,

I have a sightly different take on this...you mention the first two months were great, then she stopped taking her medication and things went south very fast. That makes five months of pain and suffering for you.

Due to the fact that she has already been diagnosed with something, to be prescribed the medication in the first place means she sought help at one point for her depression or what ever she was diagnosed with. At that point, it becomes her responsibility to maintain her mental health, and stopping taking her meds does not reflect that responsibility.

Now that she is aware of the many issues facing the two of you, she should go back to her doctor for help. It is not your responsibility to manage her illness, but of course offering support is another thing.

While I can see your efforts are there, she is not doing her part to feed this relationship. Since you have already wasted 5 of the 7 months together, it is time for her to take some action. If you are willing to stand by her side as she battles this demon of depression, that is wonderful, But if instead, she balks at your attempts to help her, it is time for you to focus on your own needs and wants. Sometimes a good dose of reality is all we need to push ourselves beyond what is the easiest. it would be in her best interest to get control over her self, as that is what it takes to live a happy and productive life with others at your side.

Depression is an illness with treatment available, and the best gift you can give her is the inspiration to help herself through it. Sometimes having to do it alone is much more effective. Perhaps once she gets herself through this, you two will have an honest chance to be together as equals.

My personal background includes bouts of major depression, and I have learned the hard way myself. Life goes much smoother when I stay on top of my health issues, and do not expect others to do all the work for me, with no reward for them. Allow her to face herself squarely and deal with what she sees in front of her.

I commend you for your patience and perseverance. Have a frank discussion with her and wait for her to take action. If you do not see the results you want, then it is time to move on...

To avoid any confusion, I mean this in the most loving way. When you have to carry around such strong feelings, it can be overwhelming. with no end in sight. Those feelings can lead you to high blood pressure, anxiety, stress and that will confuse the issues very much. Do not sign on for this lifestyle, it is not fair to either of you.

If you could work together through this, that would be the ultimate, as you ovviously love her. If it turms into a war, she is just not ready for a relationship yet. We all have work to do in different areas of our lives.

Please let us know how things go for you two...

Janet

 
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