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Old 09-11-2012, 07:34 AM   #1
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Angry Does everyone with Bipolar change their mind on huge decisions on a DAILY basis??!!!

I understand that living with a Bipolar person has its challenges. My husband has been diagnosed as Bipolar. His mood swings change quickly and are very dramatic. I get this. What has been the most difficult thing for me to understand is the changes in life goals..ON A DAILY BASIS!! One day he wants to move to this city, and on another day, he wants to move to that city. One day he wants to go on vacation to a certain location, the next day, it was a stupid idea. The moving idea is what makes me worried. One day we are planning on moving. The next day, we are staying. It can make life very frustrating when you do not even know where you will live in 6 months. Is this normal for a Bipolar person? What can I do to help him “make a decision”? We usually end up staying in our same location, renewing the lease-yada yada. However it is super frustrating when he goes on and on about how this will be a great change. Then the next morning he tells me it was a stupid idea and we are staying. I am really trying to be patient here. I have been with him for almost 20 years so I guess I should know what I got myself into. It just seems like his Bipolar has gotten way worse with time(and also a death of his sibling-he found her deceased) recently. I am sure this may also have to do with the reason why the mood swings are now so drastic? I just feel a bit lost…I guess I just have to “go with the flow” and remain patient huh?! /

 
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Old 09-11-2012, 07:58 AM   #2
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Re: Does everyone with Bipolar change their mind on huge decisions on a DAILY basis??

I am bipolar and before I started my meds (lithium) I too had grand ideas. I also went on extreme spending sprees. It drove my family nuts. I dont know if your husband is on any meds but it is worth looking in to. Be patient and I wish you and your family strength in what youre going thur.

 
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Old 09-11-2012, 08:04 AM   #3
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Re: Does everyone with Bipolar change their mind on huge decisions on a DAILY basis??

Thank you so much Dee for your reply! I am trying so hard to be patient. Almost 20 years of "trying to be patient". I adore him, its not like I plan on leaving or anything. He is the one that seems upset with me most days, I guess this is normal with Bipolar people? nothing seems to please him, its like I cant make him happy, then again, no one can. I guess this is part of the illness, its so hard. I try and do everything for him so he feels good. Clean the house, work, make him nice meals. He just always seems upset with me. its very difficult, but I am trying hard here..I just hope he sees how good I am to him. He does go on spending sprees when he gets a good paycheck. He also loves to speed, it can be quite scary. He wont really take the meds. He is the type of person that would rather go "without meds" and use his own way of handling things. when he is working out his mood swings seem less drastic, but right now, they are just terrible. Trying to work through it, again thanks for your reply!

 
Old 09-11-2012, 08:23 AM   #4
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Re: Does everyone with Bipolar change their mind on huge decisions on a DAILY basis??

I truly feel for you. It is not easy to be on the end of a yo-yo string with major life events/decisions. Yes this is typical of bipolar. The grass is greener elsewhere and the mania makes everything sounds wonderful, except where you are, what you are doing, and what you have. I think his illness needs treated, as doing it "his" way is not working for him and making you miserable. It is unfair that you try so hard yet he is never happy with your efforts. I would try to convince him to consider treatment. It is very likely his sister's death de-stabilized him, and if he won't get treatment for himself, he should do it for you and your marriage. This imbalance destroys relationships and lives and should not be treated lightly or with do=it=yourself attempts, which invariably fail and can lead to death by suicide or poor judgements related to speed and excessive risk taking.

 
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Old 09-11-2012, 08:32 AM   #5
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Re: Does everyone with Bipolar change their mind on huge decisions on a DAILY basis??

Hello Ladybud,
Wow you really opened my eyes here. I mean what you are saying is 100% true. It is scary to think about. I will try and talk to him about it tonight (for him to consider taking medication). After he found his sister deceased in the summer, he changed drastically, he even says, he is no longer the same person anymore, which is understandable. I cant even imagine what he is feeling. She was only 28. She had a heat stroke This tragedy has been really hard on the family and especially him. I am doing my best to be the "good wife" here, and think of my vows, in sickness and health. I just know he can feel amazing, and be happy someday. I really hope he looks into the meds. His lows are an absolute nightmare, he will just come home from work and go to sleep. Lots of depression. I hope he is down for some medicated help. Again, thanks again for your reply! Maybe someday after the greiving process, and after he gets on meds, he can start to feel better. I hope so

 
Old 09-11-2012, 04:33 PM   #6
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Re: Does everyone with Bipolar change their mind on huge decisions on a DAILY basis??

If I may suggest, I would find a good psychiatrist within your insurance network, The meds used now are primarily mood stabilizers which level off the extremes of the highs and lows. It can take awhile to find just the right thing or combination, but given he will have this condition forever, it is a small investment of time to make the rest of his life and yours more enjoyable. I would also suggest highly that he get some grief counselling. It is particularly shocking to find someone you love and so young dead, and he may harbor terrible memories, perhaps guilt, and much anguish over his loss until he can deal with it openly. Grief counsellors are a subspecialty and are very helpful. Sometimes they are associated with churches rather than mental health offices. Good luck with this. I have 3 family members with bipolar, so understand the problems!

 
Old 09-12-2012, 11:06 AM   #7
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Re: Does everyone with Bipolar change their mind on huge decisions on a DAILY basis??

Thanks again Ladybud, yes he has been seeing a greif counselor for about 5 weeks now, she can be helpful to him, but she has also said a couple of mean things about his sister that made him not want to go. It is a free service from his job(greif counselor) we will definitley look into an actual psychiatrist for him. This seems to be the best course of action. This way they can start him on a mood stabilizer. I am sure he would love to feel better. he has many raging thoughts in his brain constantly that he would like to have calmed down.. You are right, he holds a lot of guilt for his sisters death, things like why did I let her go out on this hot day? all the what if's are driving him crazy. I tried to explain to him that this is a normal part of greiving but I cant imagine what he is feeling so all I can do is be his support system and try and continue to comfort him. I cant wait until he starts seeing a psychiatrist! I really want him to feel better thanks again!

 
Old 09-12-2012, 12:08 PM   #8
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Re: Does everyone with Bipolar change their mind on huge decisions on a DAILY basis??

I hope he is agreeable to seeing a psychiatrist and a different counsellor. You seem very loving and patient-he is lucky to have such support. Obviously at age 28, his sister was an adult making her own choices, and he was not in a position to stop her even if he had tried. I hope things get better quickly.

 
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