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-   -   I'm so DESPERATE! Possibly have Aspergers? (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/family-friends-mentally-ill/928658-im-so-desperate-possibly-have-aspergers.html)

desperate10 11-22-2012 01:32 PM

I'm so DESPERATE! Possibly have Aspergers?
 
I have a good friend (fiancÚ actually). I have known this man for over 9 years and he is highly intelligent but so many things now lead me to believe that something is very wrong. He has never been able to hold down a job for any length of time, except for gardening which he has always done by himself (not working for a company). This is a man who speaks intelligently, has a large vocabulary, has read the classics, but is unable to understand the simplest questions asked of him; he is unable to understand very basic, simple job applications, can not use a computer no matter how much instruction is provided (been trying to teach him for years), can't get his thoughts or ideas across to other people, he can not read people or their emotions, can't remember to brush his teeth even once a day, balance a checkbook, handle money or do most of the things that the average person does.
He has OCD and is a hoarder, has certain odd behaviors and mannerisms, has an encyclopedic knowledge of certain subjects but yet can't understand simple questions at times. He has a history of drug and alcohol abuse (although sober 6 months now) and has never been unable to work at a job long enough to have his own apartment, car, etc... He always is always someone's room mate.
He is 59 years old and has never had a drivers license. He can be very emotional over certain incidents but on things that should elicit high emotion and concern, he is totally blank.
I have always thought that he was just a lazy drunk, but he showed up on my doorway almost two weeks ago and after actually living with him for this short time, I see how incapable of doing the simplest things he really is. He has the shortest attention span I have ever seen and gets side tracked constantly. Something that should take 5 minutes can take him hours to complete, if the task is ever actually completed. I love this person, he has a good heart but I am in danger of losing my apartment and now have to feed and provide everything for this man. I am on disability because of numerous, serious health issues and my funds are very limited.
I guess my question is: Can someone go through life with Apsergers Syndrome for so many years, appear highly intelligent and be so well spoken and yet be so handicapped by the simplest of life skills?
Please help from anyone. I am desperate, out of money, in danger of eviction if my landlord finds out he is living with me and don't know where to turn to for help. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Thisby 11-26-2012 03:22 PM

Re: I'm so DESPERATE! Possibly have Aspergers?
 
[QUOTE=desperate10;5093079]I guess my question is: Can someone go through life with Apsergers Syndrome for so many years, appear highly intelligent and be so well spoken and yet be so handicapped by the simplest of life skills?
Please help from anyone. I am desperate, out of money, in danger of eviction if my landlord finds out he is living with me and don't know where to turn to for help. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Thank you![/QUOTE]The simple answer is yes, someone can go through life like that.

But there are all kinds of signs, once you look. And you are sure seeing them!

Are you sure you want to be with someone who has such a serious problem? You'll never be able to help this person, let alone fix them, and clearly he's dragging you down financially and I'm pretty sure in time he'll be dragging you down emotionally. OCD, Aspergers, addictions, hoarding, these are serious issues. Are you sure you want to deal with them?

I don't know what to tell you other than you have to get out unless you want a lifetime of dealing with all his issues - and remember, it will be all about him and his problems. Just remember, as much as you may love him, it won't fix him.

desperate10 12-02-2012 04:33 AM

Re: I'm so DESPERATE! Possibly have Aspergers?
 
Thank you so very much for your answer.
I now know that after 9 1/2 years of dealing with this mans problems, that I can't "cure" him. It's only very recently (in the last 3 weeks) that I realized that his inability to live any kind of self sufficient, productive life is due to Aspergers and not to laziness or a bad attitude. I have always been puzzled by his inability to learn from his mistakes and failures, now I know why! And yes, he does have many of the behaviors, signs and symptoms that would indicate Asperger's.
I hesitate to cut him out of my life though because he has no one else.
All of his "friends" (and family) have dumped him because he is a drain on their time, energy and eventually, their resources; and yes, it is ALWAYS about him. Right now I am trying to get him plugged into the system, i.e.... getting him to Vocational Rehab, trying to get him officially diagnosed with Asperger's, and hopefully get him onto SSI so that he will have an income and some stability.
He has no money, job, savings, or an income of any kind, and no health insurance. He would be homeless if I hadn't taken him in.
Do you or do any of your readers know how to get this man help?
I need ideas and resources for getting him diagnosed and into the system.
Thank you again for your help!

attheendofmyrop 07-23-2013 09:26 AM

Re: I'm so DESPERATE! Possibly have Aspergers?
 
I too am looking for resources for my adult son I understand what you are going thru as I am going thru the same.... if anyone has anything to say please be helpful and not rude as I have seen in previous posts, thanks. I feel like my son is not capable of taking care of himself but wants to live on his own or in his case with someone else. :confused:

rosequartz 07-23-2013 09:26 AM

Re: I'm so DESPERATE! Possibly have Aspergers?
 
[QUOTE=desperate10;5097963]I hesitate to cut him out of my life though because he has no one else.
All of his "friends" (and family) have dumped him because he is a drain on their time, energy and eventually, their resources; and yes, it is ALWAYS about him. [/QUOTE]

his friends and family know him much better than you do.....

and how is he your fiancÚ? it seems like you are just finding out about some of his issues when he "showed up on your doorstep". I'm confused by this.....who's idea was it to get engaged? What does this man have to offer you except for a lifetime chore of taking care of him because he isn't capable of being self-sufficient......

please be smarter than this.....do you want a 59 year old child? because that's what he is......I say this with empathy.....I have a 50 year old child that I'm trying to distance myself from and he doesn't even have aspergers, but is unable to be self-sufficient......

desperate10 07-23-2013 02:46 PM

Re: I'm so DESPERATE! Possibly have Aspergers?
 
[QUOTE=attheendofmyrop;5202653]I too am looking for resources for my adult son I understand what you are going thru as I am going thru the same.... if anyone has anything to say please be helpful and not rude as I have seen in previous posts, thanks. I feel like my son is not capable of taking care of himself but wants to live on his own or in his case with someone else. :confused:[/QUOTE]
I understand exactly what you are going through.
It has been almost 10 months since this man showed up on my doorstep. I was fortunate to call the Autism Society 1st and talked to a very understanding woman who had 2 autistic children. She recommended that I start with the State's Department of Vocational Rehabilitation. Vocational Rehab put him through a battery of tests to determine his competency, skills, mental status, etc... They determined that he had too many issues and was unemployable. They also sent him to several specialists (at their expense) to determine his disability. Next, we went to a County Clinic and he is now receiving medical/psychiatric care. Now we are applying for Social Security Income (SSI) with the help of an agency that helps people apply for disability. My friend has been turned down unfortunately, but his case is now being appealed. being turned down the first time I'm told, is standard operating procedure.
Today has been a bad day (I'm very sick) but as I think of more options that I've utilized to get this man help, I'll post again.
Good luck and God bless. I hope this helps you.


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