Join Date: Dec 2012
Supporting DW's PPD
I'm looking for any personal stories on better supporting DW with diagnosed PPD, while keeping it together myself! I'm not sure how much more I can do, . As a child, I dealt with much verbal abuse and adapting mechanisms, but this is breaking me. I am normally a very laid back individual, but after loosing my families side, being accused by my family for the PPD (my mom is going thru bipolar breakdown as well), refusing to spend time with my family or letting them see baby more than every few months, being threatened for divorce due to fear of getting pregnant, and diverting many attempts for her sterilization, on top of verbal abuse is doing... I am breaking inside.
Today, we're loosing a family pet, where she lied to humane society unbeknown to myself about adopted labrador of 3 years so they are reclaiming the animal (a sweet lab, great with children). I love the animal very much, and am OK with releasing to a loving family, but I never envisioned such an offensive and unknown end to this pet in our life. The dog's responsibility during the day is too much for DW while I am at work. I'd prefer to find a loving family ourselves to make it easier, but this would be a legal battle at this point (they are demanding thousands of dollars for unnecessary operations, which they won't get since not in contract, but will not let us keep dog anymore which is in contract they can retract). I shouldn't, but love this animal as a family member (dog slept in our bed, been a daily part of our lives, and certainly not neglected, but less time to spend (she spends 8 hours in 10x10 kennel now). I do understand this is not best for family, but just wish we could choose family rather than this route...
DW was diagnosed shortly after the birth of our 1 year old son, and it has been quite a battle. I don't know how to help the woman I love, and I feel my life is crumbling in supporting her from the verbal and emotional abuse. I need to work to support her while she stays home.
Her PPD has brought our childhood abuse from father, and applies her frustration to all men, especially me. I have held my tongue releasing the diseases and experiences, but not certain how much longer I can take. I do not have depression (evaluated from situation), but have anger. DW also has been leaving to stay with her mother, and has a hard time spending time with anyone else (even other female family members). I do help when at home, and she is able to care for our amazing DS, but I am provider for family. So I think this is best for her to spend time with family, to not be alone. However, it is distancing me (1 hour drive) from DS and DW and I get less and less time with them. I at least had my dog until now to keep company during night. I wish I could be home with her more, but I must continue career to support family.
At the same time, my mother has been having a sever bipolar manic stage, and I have been caring for her needs since my father is bottomed out. Many times bailing her out of jail from manic episodes etc. I completely understand DW doesn't need this, so I understand the disinvolvement to protect her, but it is tough as well. I feel I have lost our parents, future children, friends, dog to this disease and maybe a happy marriage. As a child, I feel some understanding of such diseases, and some frustration as pity to my situation (although PPD and bipolar are quite different). As a result, I have been desensitized to comments, etc, but the PPD is too much.
I know there is hope and this is not my DW's fault, but how can we hold it together? We go to support groups and therapy, but this seems buffered from reality from the men. I don't believe I am suffering from depression or anything other than anger. How can I best help my DW? I do not want to do anything against her benefit, but don't know how we can maintain healthy lifestyles.