It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 12-12-2012, 07:34 AM   #1
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Far Rockaway, NY, US
Posts: 36
TrishLives17 HB User
Question Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder

In October I met and starting dating someone who was diagnosed Bipolar. He upfront about his disorder from day 1. The relationship was its normal fireworks and wonders. We were attached to the hip. He was very caring and wanted the relationship to work. He introduced me to his best friend and coworkers. He even told his mom about me. While we were together he slipped from a manic to a depressive stage. I did all the suggested ideas of how to handle a person during such a transition. While we were dating he found out that he also has Borderline Personality Disorder. After his diagnosis, our relantionship slowed down. He said he hoped that his disorders wouldn't affect our relantionship. He also said that he wouldn't leave and I had nothing to worry about when it comes to us ending. Then two weeks ago he ended it saying that he likes me, but rather just be friends. When I tried talking to him about it he said there was nothing to really talk about. I know people with these disorders tend to come back. I am really confused, and I don't know what to do. We are still friends on fb, and he seems to be moving on with life. I am just confused. While he is happy, I am left crying because everything felt so special and right between him and I.

 
Old 12-12-2012, 09:08 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,372
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder

it may have felt special and right, but trust me, it wasn't
you dodged a bullet.....let him go and wish him well

 
The Following User Says Thank You to rosequartz For This Useful Post:
TrishLives17 (12-15-2012)
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 12-12-2012, 05:28 PM   #3
Senior Member
(female)
 
angela5271's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 226
angela5271 HB Userangela5271 HB User
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder

I agree with Rose...you definitely dodged bullet...speaking from experience...I dated a man with Bi-Polar for 4 very long years...yep he always came back when we would "break up" and I always took him back...wrong on my part until I wizened up, and let him go FOR GOOD!!!

Steer clear...if you want to keep your sanity.

Good luck!!

Last edited by angela5271; 12-12-2012 at 05:43 PM. Reason: removed comma

 
Old 12-12-2012, 05:33 PM   #4
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 209
-CvC- HB User-CvC- HB User-CvC- HB User-CvC- HB User
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder

I dated someone with those disorders and it was a living hell trying to keep up with her moods and trying avoid triggers that would set off hours or traumatic drama. You got lucky, let it be.

 
The Following User Says Thank You to -CvC- For This Useful Post:
TrishLives17 (12-15-2012)
Old 12-13-2012, 06:37 AM   #5
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NW Mississippi
Posts: 14
Dayton86 HB User
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder

My .02. I am married to someone that is bipolar. Recently diagnosed and been married almost two years but together 4 1/2 years. It is not easy, luckily with her the maniac side is shopping every 3-4 months and wanting to leave ever 1 1/2 years or so. I feel lucky that after reading many many stories online, the is all she does. It could be much worse. If I was in your position, with so little time in, I would just let it be, it's not your fault it came apart, and wait patiently for the right person. Listen to us, you don't want to live in fear of the "other moods" your partner is capable of. Good luck.
__________________
I am straight forward, and don't sugar coat anything and while I hope not to offend anybody by what I say and if it does please try re-reading and looking at it another way. Thanks for all the help.

 
The Following User Says Thank You to Dayton86 For This Useful Post:
TrishLives17 (12-15-2012)
Old 12-15-2012, 04:02 PM   #6
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Licking MO USA
Posts: 13
hope and pray HB User
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder

Believe me you are better off. You will be saving yourself a lot of heartbreak trying to live with someone who suffers from bipolar. The ups and downs would only keep you confused, hurt and feeling helpless all the time.

 
The Following User Says Thank You to hope and pray For This Useful Post:
TrishLives17 (12-15-2012)
Old 12-15-2012, 04:35 PM   #7
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Far Rockaway, NY, US
Posts: 36
TrishLives17 HB User
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by angela5271 View Post
I agree with Rose...you definitely dodged bullet...speaking from experience...I dated a man with Bi-Polar for 4 very long years...yep he always came back when we would "break up" and I always took him back...wrong on my part until I wizened up, and let him go FOR GOOD!!!

Steer clear...if you want to keep your sanity.

Good luck!!
Hey thanks for your post. I just want to know how long would he come back after he would break up with you?

Last edited by TrishLives17; 12-15-2012 at 04:39 PM.

 
Old 12-15-2012, 05:12 PM   #8
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Far Rockaway, NY, US
Posts: 36
TrishLives17 HB User
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dayton86 View Post
My .02. I am married to someone that is bipolar. Recently diagnosed and been married almost two years but together 4 1/2 years. It is not easy, luckily with her the maniac side is shopping every 3-4 months and wanting to leave ever 1 1/2 years or so. I feel lucky that after reading many many stories online, the is all she does. It could be much worse. If I was in your position, with so little time in, I would just let it be, it's not your fault it came apart, and wait patiently for the right person. Listen to us, you don't want to live in fear of the "other moods" your partner is capable of. Good luck.
Thanks for sharing with me. I know it was only a month, but it wasn't that bad. The worst mood I dealt with was him wanting to sleep all and not really eat. He isn't a violent person at all. I'm just really torn up about it. It affected me more than any other relationship.

 
Old 12-15-2012, 05:32 PM   #9
Senior Member
(female)
 
angela5271's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 226
angela5271 HB Userangela5271 HB User
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder

Hey TrishLives17...

Usually he would be back at my doorstep within a month...the longest absence I can remember was upwards of 2 months...

I read in your last post the man you were dating is not violent? That is a plus in the grand scheme of things...the man I dated had some issues with anger and violence, but not in the beginning. I suppose you could say it was a slow simmer, and about 3 or so years into dating I saw the angry side of him...He threatened my son (who was 12 at the time), and well let's just say it didn't end too well for him (the guy I was dating)...that happened at the 4 year mark...Looking back now it should have never even gotten that far...but like a lot of people I/we think we can save or change someone.

You'll have to decide if the guy comes back if you want to take the chance again, but my opinion is you got out now...don't go back...it's just not worth the pain and heartache you may experience.

Good luck!!

 
Old 12-15-2012, 05:35 PM   #10
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Far Rockaway, NY, US
Posts: 36
TrishLives17 HB User
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder

I have my stuff at his place. I keep telling him I will go get it, but either my anxiety gets the best of me, I am busy at work, and now I am sick. Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it.

A lot of people have been telling me to just forget it, but I will make that decision when and if the bridge comes. Right now I just wanna make sure I'm okay first.

 
Old 12-15-2012, 05:38 PM   #11
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Far Rockaway, NY, US
Posts: 36
TrishLives17 HB User
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder

I have my stuff at his place. I keep telling him I will go get it, but either my anxiety gets the best of me, I am busy at work, and now I am sick. Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it.

A lot of people have been telling me to just forget it, but I will make that decision when and if the bridge comes. Right now I just wanna make sure I'm okay first.

 
Old 12-15-2012, 05:40 PM   #12
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Far Rockaway, NY, US
Posts: 36
TrishLives17 HB User
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by angela5271 View Post
Hey TrishLives17...

Usually he would be back at my doorstep within a month...the longest absence I can remember was upwards of 2 months...

I read in your last post the man you were dating is not violent? That is a plus in the grand scheme of things...the man I dated had some issues with anger and violence, but not in the beginning. I suppose you could say it was a slow simmer, and about 3 or so years into dating I saw the angry side of him...He threatened my son (who was 12 at the time), and well let's just say it didn't end too well for him (the guy I was dating)...that happened at the 4 year mark...Looking back now it should have never even gotten that far...but like a lot of people I/we think we can save or change someone.

You'll have to decide if the guy comes back if you want to take the chance again, but my opinion is you got out now...don't go back...it's just not worth the pain and heartache you may experience.

Good luck!!


I have my stuff at his place. I keep telling him I will go get it, but either my anxiety gets the best of me, I am busy at work, and now I am sick. Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it.

A lot of people have been telling me to just forget it, but I will make that decision when and if the bridge comes. Right now I just wanna make sure I'm okay first

 
Old 12-15-2012, 06:39 PM   #13
Senior Member
(female)
 
angela5271's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 226
angela5271 HB Userangela5271 HB User
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder

Yes, definitely think of you first...YOU have to be OK to make the right decision for you.

I know most of us (that have responded to your post) are under the opinion you should just let it be...dodged a bullet, so to speak...but ultimately the decision is yours...I just know I've been there, and I wouldn't wish my nightmare on anyone, but what was a nightmare to me will be completely different for you.

Only you can decide how much you will deal with and for how long.

I wish you luck in your quest for answers and you'll know what is right when/if it comes down to making the choice to stay gone permanently or take him back.

p.s. Hope you get well soon!!

Last edited by angela5271; 12-15-2012 at 06:40 PM. Reason: added something

 
Old 12-17-2012, 07:25 AM   #14
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,372
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder

if any of the stuff at his house is important or irreplaceable, I'd take a male friend or a brother with you to pick it up......if it's something that can be replaced easily or has no sentimental value, don't bother....

 
Old 02-05-2013, 11:19 AM   #15
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
ninamarc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Canada/USA
Posts: 1,703
ninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB User
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder

I have not read it all here, but you are lucky that he left. You need to realize that his disorder is his problem, not your problem. You cannot help him. I know a case about this severe depression/bipolar disorder: the husband had bipolar and the wife knew and still married him. The first kid came along and things were OK for 3 years. Suddenly on the second kid before she was born in 2 months, he left out of the blue. He claimed he was too stressed and lost his job and moved back to his old home with his parents. He cannot recover yet and blamed her. His folks blamed her. Well, now they are divorced. It is not her fault. He left her while she was very pregnant! He did something immoral even though he was sick and could not help himself.
So you need to find some healthy guy and move on. You have no way to help his mental problem. Sometimes he would blame you for bringing him stress.
Just be aware that you cannot solve his problem for him so it is good that he left you.

Hugs,
Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 02-05-2013 at 11:23 AM.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
What is the difference of bipolar and borderline personality marshmallow Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 17 05-29-2007 05:18 AM
borderline personality disorder and bipolar LAP18 Bipolar Disorder 2 11-12-2006 03:29 PM
BiPolar Vs Borderline BorderChild Bipolar Disorder 5 04-20-2006 06:52 AM
"House" - bipolar episode Hedgehog No 1 Bipolar Disorder 6 04-04-2006 07:16 AM
I really need someone's help :) LostSoul101 Bipolar Disorder 10 02-09-2006 05:33 PM

Tags
bipolar disorder relationship, borderline personality disorder



Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



rosequartz (10), katlin09 (3), writeleft (3), rudiraven (3), Breezin (3), ladybud (3), Mihral21 (2), solofelix (2), multiplefriend (2), Stacey1970 (2)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1182), MSJayhawk (1015), Apollo123 (913), Titchou (862), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (760), midwest1 (671), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:46 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!