Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder
In October I met and starting dating someone who was diagnosed Bipolar. He upfront about his disorder from day 1. The relationship was its normal fireworks and wonders. We were attached to the hip. He was very caring and wanted the relationship to work. He introduced me to his best friend and coworkers. He even told his mom about me. While we were together he slipped from a manic to a depressive stage. I did all the suggested ideas of how to handle a person during such a transition. While we were dating he found out that he also has Borderline Personality Disorder. After his diagnosis, our relantionship slowed down. He said he hoped that his disorders wouldn't affect our relantionship. He also said that he wouldn't leave and I had nothing to worry about when it comes to us ending. Then two weeks ago he ended it saying that he likes me, but rather just be friends. When I tried talking to him about it he said there was nothing to really talk about. I know people with these disorders tend to come back. I am really confused, and I don't know what to do. We are still friends on fb, and he seems to be moving on with life. I am just confused. While he is happy, I am left crying because everything felt so special and right between him and I.
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder
I agree with Rose...you definitely dodged bullet...speaking from experience...I dated a man with Bi-Polar for 4 very long years...yep he always came back when we would "break up" and I always took him back...wrong on my part until I wizened up, and let him go FOR GOOD!!!
Steer clear...if you want to keep your sanity.
Good luck!!
Last edited by angela5271; 12-12-2012 at 05:43 PM.
Reason: removed comma
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder
I dated someone with those disorders and it was a living hell trying to keep up with her moods and trying avoid triggers that would set off hours or traumatic drama. You got lucky, let it be.
The Following User Says Thank You to -CvC- For This Useful Post: TrishLives17 (12-15-2012)
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder
My .02. I am married to someone that is bipolar. Recently diagnosed and been married almost two years but together 4 1/2 years. It is not easy, luckily with her the maniac side is shopping every 3-4 months and wanting to leave ever 1 1/2 years or so. I feel lucky that after reading many many stories online, the is all she does. It could be much worse. If I was in your position, with so little time in, I would just let it be, it's not your fault it came apart, and wait patiently for the right person. Listen to us, you don't want to live in fear of the "other moods" your partner is capable of. Good luck.
__________________
I am straight forward, and don't sugar coat anything and while I hope not to offend anybody by what I say and if it does please try re-reading and looking at it another way. Thanks for all the help.
The Following User Says Thank You to Dayton86 For This Useful Post: TrishLives17 (12-15-2012)
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder
Believe me you are better off. You will be saving yourself a lot of heartbreak trying to live with someone who suffers from bipolar. The ups and downs would only keep you confused, hurt and feeling helpless all the time.
The Following User Says Thank You to hope and pray For This Useful Post: TrishLives17 (12-15-2012)
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder
Quote:
Originally Posted by angela5271
I agree with Rose...you definitely dodged bullet...speaking from experience...I dated a man with Bi-Polar for 4 very long years...yep he always came back when we would "break up" and I always took him back...wrong on my part until I wizened up, and let him go FOR GOOD!!!
Steer clear...if you want to keep your sanity.
Good luck!!
Hey thanks for your post. I just want to know how long would he come back after he would break up with you?
Last edited by TrishLives17; 12-15-2012 at 04:39 PM.
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dayton86
My .02. I am married to someone that is bipolar. Recently diagnosed and been married almost two years but together 4 1/2 years. It is not easy, luckily with her the maniac side is shopping every 3-4 months and wanting to leave ever 1 1/2 years or so. I feel lucky that after reading many many stories online, the is all she does. It could be much worse. If I was in your position, with so little time in, I would just let it be, it's not your fault it came apart, and wait patiently for the right person. Listen to us, you don't want to live in fear of the "other moods" your partner is capable of. Good luck.
Thanks for sharing with me. I know it was only a month, but it wasn't that bad. The worst mood I dealt with was him wanting to sleep all and not really eat. He isn't a violent person at all. I'm just really torn up about it. It affected me more than any other relationship.
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder
Hey TrishLives17...
Usually he would be back at my doorstep within a month...the longest absence I can remember was upwards of 2 months...
I read in your last post the man you were dating is not violent? That is a plus in the grand scheme of things...the man I dated had some issues with anger and violence, but not in the beginning. I suppose you could say it was a slow simmer, and about 3 or so years into dating I saw the angry side of him...He threatened my son (who was 12 at the time), and well let's just say it didn't end too well for him (the guy I was dating)...that happened at the 4 year mark...Looking back now it should have never even gotten that far...but like a lot of people I/we think we can save or change someone.
You'll have to decide if the guy comes back if you want to take the chance again, but my opinion is you got out now...don't go back...it's just not worth the pain and heartache you may experience.
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder
I have my stuff at his place. I keep telling him I will go get it, but either my anxiety gets the best of me, I am busy at work, and now I am sick. Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it.
A lot of people have been telling me to just forget it, but I will make that decision when and if the bridge comes. Right now I just wanna make sure I'm okay first.
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder
I have my stuff at his place. I keep telling him I will go get it, but either my anxiety gets the best of me, I am busy at work, and now I am sick. Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it.
A lot of people have been telling me to just forget it, but I will make that decision when and if the bridge comes. Right now I just wanna make sure I'm okay first.
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder
Quote:
Originally Posted by angela5271
Hey TrishLives17...
Usually he would be back at my doorstep within a month...the longest absence I can remember was upwards of 2 months...
I read in your last post the man you were dating is not violent? That is a plus in the grand scheme of things...the man I dated had some issues with anger and violence, but not in the beginning. I suppose you could say it was a slow simmer, and about 3 or so years into dating I saw the angry side of him...He threatened my son (who was 12 at the time), and well let's just say it didn't end too well for him (the guy I was dating)...that happened at the 4 year mark...Looking back now it should have never even gotten that far...but like a lot of people I/we think we can save or change someone.
You'll have to decide if the guy comes back if you want to take the chance again, but my opinion is you got out now...don't go back...it's just not worth the pain and heartache you may experience.
Good luck!!
I have my stuff at his place. I keep telling him I will go get it, but either my anxiety gets the best of me, I am busy at work, and now I am sick. Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it.
A lot of people have been telling me to just forget it, but I will make that decision when and if the bridge comes. Right now I just wanna make sure I'm okay first
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder
Yes, definitely think of you first...YOU have to be OK to make the right decision for you.
I know most of us (that have responded to your post) are under the opinion you should just let it be...dodged a bullet, so to speak...but ultimately the decision is yours...I just know I've been there, and I wouldn't wish my nightmare on anyone, but what was a nightmare to me will be completely different for you.
Only you can decide how much you will deal with and for how long.
I wish you luck in your quest for answers and you'll know what is right when/if it comes down to making the choice to stay gone permanently or take him back.
p.s. Hope you get well soon!!
Last edited by angela5271; 12-15-2012 at 06:40 PM.
Reason: added something
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder
if any of the stuff at his house is important or irreplaceable, I'd take a male friend or a brother with you to pick it up......if it's something that can be replaced easily or has no sentimental value, don't bother....
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder
I have not read it all here, but you are lucky that he left. You need to realize that his disorder is his problem, not your problem. You cannot help him. I know a case about this severe depression/bipolar disorder: the husband had bipolar and the wife knew and still married him. The first kid came along and things were OK for 3 years. Suddenly on the second kid before she was born in 2 months, he left out of the blue. He claimed he was too stressed and lost his job and moved back to his old home with his parents. He cannot recover yet and blamed her. His folks blamed her. Well, now they are divorced. It is not her fault. He left her while she was very pregnant! He did something immoral even though he was sick and could not help himself.
So you need to find some healthy guy and move on. You have no way to help his mental problem. Sometimes he would blame you for bringing him stress.
Just be aware that you cannot solve his problem for him so it is good that he left you.
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder
I am bipolar manic and have ADHD as well. Im a 50 yr old woman and just got on medication for this 2 yrs ago. Honestly I was just going FAST. All the time. I married my husband only knowing him 6 months. He is bipolar depresive. .. he is not on meds... but me tell ya.. talk about fireworks between us on GOOD days and Bad days. He knew upfront about me...and resently found out he had his. Maybe becsuse of my understanding of the illness we've stayed married. Two people like us is hard to be with. And if a person wants normal in your life. .. make sure your prepard for going thur the ilness as if you have it yourself. Being biploar is hard but its harder if you marry it on purpose. I still have MAJOR mood swings even though I have meds... but I have my husbands as well ..untreated. this week he starts his own meds. thank god.. ok. I just wanted to add my 2 cents...Thanks!!!
Last edited by kansaswife; 02-05-2013 at 02:02 PM.
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder
Quote:
Originally Posted by ninamarc
I have not read it all here, but you are lucky that he left. You need to realize that his disorder is his problem, not your problem. You cannot help him. I know a case about this severe depression/bipolar disorder: the husband had bipolar and the wife knew and still married him. The first kid came along and things were OK for 3 years. Suddenly on the second kid before she was born in 2 months, he left out of the blue. He claimed he was too stressed and lost his job and moved back to his old home with his parents. He cannot recover yet and blamed her. His folks blamed her. Well, now they are divorced. It is not her fault. He left her while she was very pregnant! He did something immoral even though he was sick and could not help himself.
So you need to find some healthy guy and move on. You have no way to help his mental problem. Sometimes he would blame you for bringing him stress.
Just be aware that you cannot solve his problem for him so it is good that he left you.
Hugs,
Nina
Hi Nina,
Thanks for you input! Well I never got back with him. He is totally out of my life. I had some things in his apartment and I never went to get them. If he really wanted me to get my things he would have found a way to get them to me. I have tried alerting him on when I would be getting my things and he never bothered to answer me. He has deleted me off of facebook or blocked me I dont know which. Its better for me because since then I have moved on with my life. I am dating a healthy person which is such a breath of fresh air than what I was dealing with. I am GLAD he out of my life. He lost out on a good thing, but that his problem!
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: TrishLives17 angela5271 (02-07-2013), ninamarc (02-07-2013)
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder
It is good for you that you left him. Well sorry about the stuff left in his apartment. You can always buy new ones. Like I expected, he is blaming you too by blocking you off and etc. I think the person with bipolar disorder tends to blame other people. It is hard for them to see that it is their own issue and that they need medications.
Re: Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder
I am happy for you that things worked out well for you. To be the best that he can be, he really does have to do it himself. It's an inside job. You seem like you have a beautiful heart, but noone can "fix" someone else. And the both of you have moved on with your lives now. Noone really got hurt, so it was pretty much a growing experience for you both. Well, i hope you're a happy camper with the new person you're dating, and I hope things work out well for you both.
The Following User Says Thank You to Karlee1010 For This Useful Post: TrishLives17 (02-22-2013)
Dating someone with Bipolar and Borderline Disorder 
