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Old 01-12-2013, 06:43 AM   #1
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Sleepless28 HB User
Exclamation OCD love.. anyone can help?

I don't have OCD, but my partner does. We have been together for more than a year now. Her OCD is mostly related to repeated checking, but also I know she had obsessions about her roommates that she didn't like. She went to therapy but quit saying it didn't do her any good. The problem is that we are in a long- distance relationship, and I cannot help from far that much when she starts closing up. Every time when we are physically together, it just feels right, and we have absolutely no problems. Her anxiety level is low, and we function more than good. And she says she feels a lot calmer, and well, as far as I can say, she behaves completely normal. She has some before bedtime rituals, but other than that, one wouldn't be able to notice she has OCD. The problem starts when we are apart. And mostly, I have been so concentrated to these kind of things, that I haven't even read anything about relationship issues with people that have OCD. What I read now, is exactly what is going on in our case when we are apart. She has periods of happiness and satisfaction, and then periods of closing up to herself, when nothing I say matters. We broke up 2 times in total (all the fighting and ups and downs excluded), and manage to be apart for 5 days, and then she would start calling, asking me back. The other problem is I recently lost my job, and have to move back in with my parents after 6 years living alone, and trying to find a new job which doesn't go that well, so, I do get depressed and you can imagine the pressure that adds to our relationship. Up till now, we have waited for her to get a PhD, so I can move there and we could start a life together. And we made a deal that whatever happens, we will stick to our plan and move in, and start a life together. And then she started questioning everything, weather our relationship is good enough, if we actually fit, what if it doesn't work, cause moving me there (in a different country) is a big thing after all. And the sooner is the moment of me getting there, the more she is panicking. It is like she wants it but doesn t want it at the same time, but breaking up doesn't work, we keep coming back to one another, and I am going completely mad over this issue. When she is in good phase, talking about it helps, but whenever she is down, whatever I say, doesn't even get to her. And I don't know what to do to make her sure that we will make it, because we function so well when we are together. I just wants us to have a chance, and I am so afraid all the time that she will back out at the last moment, and I really don't know what to do?

 
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