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Old 02-19-2013, 01:27 PM   #1
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Problems with spouse

I have been married 29 years and have really suspected from almost the beginning that my husband has some mental issues. He will go for long periods of time and be okay, then he will start with these "episodes" where things are different. I used to think it was just control, but then weird things started happening that made me wonder if there was more to it.

Examples:

He didn't like the amount of time kids were watching television, so he took television out and put it in the shed so nobody could watch it (more than once).

If he didn't like a library movie we got, he would throw it in the trash.

If he didn't like a school or library book the kids brought home, he would tear them up. (We had to pay for a lot of books and movies!!)

He gets into moods where he is obsessive about cleaning everything, even my car and other things, but I get "punished for it". Like he was cleaning my car out, and he came in the house, I was on phone. He started slamming cabinet doors and drawers. I asked him to be quiet, and he said "Go in the bedroom and talk on phone". I told him his behavior was scaring me, and he said "You scare me too".

He cleaned my drawers in bathroom out which I had just organized how I wanted them. It was 11:00, he was in bed. I started looking for my pills I take before I go to bed, and could not find them. He started yelling at me that I need to start putting my pills where I can find them (I never misplace them), I never could find them, next morning I found them in a box with other bathroom stuff that he said did not have a place.

My friend came to visit for a few days, he never let us out of his site when he was home, sitting in between us, never leaving the room to let us spend time by ourselves.

When he gets in these cleaning moods, here is what happens: The alarm clock rings at 5:30 am, he goes immediately to kitchen still in his underwear (which he sleeps in), cleaning a kitchen that is really not even that messy, rapidly opening up drawers and cabinets, stacking anything that might be out.

When I try to talk to him about the behavior, he just says he won't talk to me because I am too angry.

He had a shelf he wanted to go in our bathroom, and I said I did not like it, so he decided to put it in kid's bathroom. Son was getting ready to take a shower, and he physically pushed him out of bathroom and screamed at him so he could put this shelf in there right away (just something you sit on top of a counter top).

He is obsessive about a radio show he listens to every day, like the world will end if he can't listen to it. he will stop everything to listen to this program, even though he has many recordings on his Iphone of this speaker.

He is also obsessive about news, he gets very anxious if he cannot watch the news every day at 5:30. I did finally get him to tape it so he can watch it later if we have something to do.

These are just a very few examples of his behavior lately, there are many more in the past. We will go awhile and everything will be fine, we get along great, then all of this "weirdness starts again".

We have gone to lots of counselors. They all agree he is a tough person to live with, but none have said he is mentally ill. It is just a an instinct I have, because these episodes are just so "weird".

Tomorrow we are starting with a new counselor (we just moved here), at least I am going - I hope he will come too. Sometimes it takes me threatening to leave for him to start coming to counseling.

I almost wish it was a mental illness so there would be medication he could take to help him deal with whatever is going on in his mind. I am really sick of it, though. I feel like I am walking on egg shells, never knowing how he will be. The last time I talked to him really was a couple of days ago when he said he would not talk to me because I was too angry (and did not eat sandwiches I fixed for everyone - instead opened up a can of tuna and ate it).

Thanks for letting me vent. I am sure I will think about more things. I am just at my wits end on what to do. Sometimes I think I am overreacting, then I start writing it out and reading it, and I realize there is a serious problem.

 
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Old 02-21-2013, 09:43 AM   #2
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Re: Problems with spouse

Is it possible that it is a disease that takes place now? e.g., dementia. Dementia is not really a mental disorder but it is about memory loss and cognition problem. He may get confused and do things at odd times. He gets annoyed by kids' movies and books. He is quite dangerous acting like that in my opinion. Did you get a check-up for him? Find a specialist to check on his mental health and dementia. Do some MMSE test.
In the mean time, I don't see why you should repeat the same things for him - say, the TV, the movies and the library books. I think kids should do these things away from him. He is bothering you guys now. You should make sure you are safe with your kids without these disturbing stuff. If necessary, stay away from him. You should not be abused like that by him. Maybe you should check with a social worker to find out what you can do.
Please don't make your family suffer his crazy behaviors over and over again until you find out what exactly is going on.
The other possibility is he is nasty. Sometimes it is about character and morality and his choice. If he is so mean to do these things, your marriage is in trouble. You need to figure out how much you can take. I think it has gone too far now.
Please talk to a social worker and see what you can do.

Hugs,
Nina

 
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