Hi everyone please respond whatever your opinion is to my situation.
I'm in a relationship with a bipolar male. We have been together for 8 months now. I'm in love with him. When we first started dating he took me by storm he was so sweet caring sensitive extremely good looking with lot of sex appeal. He would call a lot and would always want to go out. I loved it cause it was a lot like myself. I was often the person in relationships doing the calling and I felt I found my match. He was needy and insecure I realized but I felt I could deal with that and I thought I could invest in this relationship cause the odds of him breaking up with me were very slim since he said he never broke up with a girl before and they'd always leave him.
Anyway he started showing signs of his bipolar after a month of us dating. He would verbally abuse his family then it turned to me. Really scary hurtful things he'd say. I tried leaving him on numerous occasions but he would call back frantically and apologize with so many love MSGs I couldn't help but melt and forgive him.nthe real problem is with him and his previous relationship, he use to still call her on me and say he loves her it was hurtful but then he'd say he doesn't mean it and wants to be with me instead. I believed that he was only with me cause the ex girl did not want him anymore. Eventually they stopped talking but it tortured me he would sometimes go into these spells of depression and miss her but not anymore.rather now I think he is talking to other women and once he told me of one he was talking to and how she stopped talking to him because she found out he was wit me. He then told me I was a nuisance and really hurtful things. I forgave him for that also.
My question is, should I keep blaming the bipolar for his behaviour of falling for other women. Or should I come to the realization that he does not truly love me and this is why he does it and I should move on. Should I not believe when he tells me he loves me after he emotionally cheats on me with another girl.
His mother said that she thinks he doesn't want to invest so much in us because we r doing long distance now for the past two months and he always knew I was going to leave so he keeps searching for a back up. Can a bipolar man even do long distance anyway. I love him so much, it's hard to understand him I just wish I knew which side of him was telling the truth.
How do you know he's bipolar? Is he on meds? If not, he should be. You need to do some research on bipolar disorder and maybe visit the bipolar board on this site to get some insight into what you may be dealing with and then decide if you want to continue this relationship. I wish you well.
bi-polar or not, HE IS RESPONSIBLE for his behavior......
i'd get out now, toss this fish back, move on with your life and maybe you can find someone to have a healthy relationship with......it's not him
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to rosequartz For This Useful Post:
Domsy (05-14-2013),wongurl (07-28-2013)
He was diagnosed when he was 19. He got a restraining order from his first girlfriend, he then broke it and it was a plea bargain wit the court. They sent him to a psychiatric hospital for two weeks. There he was diagnosed. Since then he has been blaming everyone for sending him there and that he is not crazy and all the girls in his neighborhood stay away from him because of that. But really they stay away because of his abusive behaviour. He says the most vile things. One extreme to the next.cause I never met a man so passionate and attentive to me. He is not in meds by the way. He went off them after just a yr of being diagnosed cause he thought they messed with his looks and made him feel in constructive.
I have bi-polar and what you are describing is typical behavior. He is not healthy in his mind right now and you, unfortunely, are taking the brunt of it.
First thing is that if you even remotely want this relationship to work, he has to be willing to get help. That is first and foremost. You can not make him do it. He has to be willing to help himself. If he doesn't then you might as well say buh-bye! It will only turn into a downward spiral from here. Also, be very wary of someone like him with bi-polar because if he feels that you are not enough and he is constantly searching for a "back-up" plan, then he has some serious relationship issues also.
As much as you may want it to work, it sounds to me like this is a no-win situation. Unless he decides to take some drastic measures to help himself, I would think you need to be done with him. It took me almost 5 years to finally start "seeing" straight with medications before I could have a happy, healthy relationship. Bi-polar is a hard thing to deal with for anyone, but someone who knows they have it and is unwilling to help themselves is on a serious path of destruction. He may have stopped those meds, but there are others out there that can work better for him.
I wish you the best of luck!!!
The Following User Says Thank You to freeqgirl For This Useful Post:
Read my post "constantly changing his mind about importan things" and you will hopefully see yourself in 6 years from now. DO NOT waste your time, I WISH I had left 6 weeks after I met him and experienced his first episode. He was undiagnosed up until 2 years ago so for the first 4 years I made excuses and thought he was moody and asked what I did to deserve these burst of personality change. He was also on steroids which mimics bp behavior. His episodes included normal steroid RAGE but simply coming to me and ending it out of the blue (literally moving or making me move) then not knowing why he did it and wants me back. he would say horrible things during these episodes as well and often didn't remember until i told him (then he usually remembered it and couldn't believe he would say something so horrible).
for the past 18 months he's been off steroids and on bp meds but 6 weeks ago he started prescribed testosterone and cut his bp meds in half and went manic again and we are getting divorced after 10 months of marriage. I'm 42 and wasted 6 years of my life... this will NEVER change and you will ride the crazy train until you decide to get off. I think its the non bp person who eventually has to finally end it or they will keep coming back.
i personally do not think there is any coming back from this (a divorce) but from my understanding they feel horrible remorse when they 'come back' to normal and don't understand why they did what they did and will try to rectify the situation. If he is going back and forth with an ex then i'd like him go. you need to think of your mental health and physical health if he is acting on these impulses.
The Following User Says Thank You to summer1234 For This Useful Post:
Thank you, I did read every word of your post! Everyone I come to tells me to leave him and I was hoping I'd find a difference in opinion in this chat with ppl who actually understand bipolar. Truth is I want to hear that he loves me and not to leave him. But I have to face reality. Im going to see him in the weekend coming up! And I'm scared cause I don't know how he wil behave cause we have been arguing a lot over the phone and sometimes we'd be extremely loving. I hope it will be a good weekend. He has asked me for money several times and is addicted to gambling at the casinos. We call each other so often I doubt he has had the time to be with other women since I've been away but who knows. My problem is is that I'm tired of relationships where it is so half hearted and everyone needs their space and they cheat and lie and in the end are just playing u. With this bipolar guy I have always felt emotionally reassured even when he was depressed and say hurtful things he would still always be there. Answer every call, call a million times, remember every little detail of my life, all the small things. So I felt I can't get the best of everything. I love attention I'm a sucker for it and for sure he gives it to me. Its like I tolerate the quarreling cause I think he loves me that's why he does it? Sounds stupid I know! Also he is so insecure he keeps thinking I'm cheating and where I am where I'm going who I'm with. He would just go off on a tangent and then come back to reality. I know this relationship is not healthy cause I need to focus on my school work rather than on him. I wish I could find a balance but he is very draining. I was thinking the distance would work to my benefit but it has only made me weaker and miss him. Am I wrong to feel this way? Can a bipolar person even love?
If he is asking you for money this early into knowing you he will not only break your heart but empty your bank account. You deserve better and you know it.... my husband has money and bipolars have crazy manic sprees and without money usually go into debt. my husband is just lucky... he lost over $100,000 in 2 years on buying and selling boats and cars and trucks etc... breaking your heart is bad enough don't allow him to break your bank.
Oh ye he does. He keeps raving about how much money I have and I play cheap. Which I don't I'm so generous to him it's unbelieveable but he tries to hit me with that to make me feel bad.this is so stupid I know! It's hard to let him go tho cause I care so much and I too am scared to be alone.
being alone is great, next to this!
don't kid yourself!
he's using you for your money and he's trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty for not giving MORE......
i'm not sure if he is bi-polar or has BPD, borderline personality disorder. They have similar characteristics. I've been called selfish before by both types and it's always a situation where they are not getting their way......don't let him manipulate you. You probably don't even love him, you're just afraid to be alone.....you need to get over that, and get over that fast.....
Last edited by rosequartz; 05-14-2013 at 09:03 AM.
Its so easy to say what to do even I know what I should do. By my logic is that I don't know if I will find anyone better? The chemistry is undeniable we have a great sex life and long conversations and and as I said he knows every detail of my life. I've never had this before sigh. I'm scared to miss out on true love. And u r right.. I'm not sure if I truly love him but he is filling the gaps in my life at an expensive price! I'm reading a lot of other posts and everyone keeps saying it doesn't get better hmmm I need to realize this. I keep thinking after a while maybe he will conform and never doubt our relationship and hold me as number one in his life. He does act like I am the centre of his world but then again he says vile stuff about me and goes out so often I don't know what to do. He does answer my calls when he is out tho. His parents don't know how I tolerate it and I know he has never been with anyone as close to as me. Hmmm I need to psycho analyze myself after this. Does he really sound that bad tho? If I turn to another relationship it will come with baggage also the kind that is not exciting and is just blunt. Like for example I've been with guys who have had a girlfriend and never left them but lie to me constantly about it, I've been with intelligent men who don't pay attention to me, I've been with plenty of cheaters the list goes on. And funny enough this guy has not let me down in terms of leaving me. He seems like he will never leave me. And when he says hurtfuly stuff about me I forgive him and think its just his bipolar and he doesn't mean it. But I should stop making that excuse.
I thought my ex-husband would never leave me either, although he threatened divorce quite often. then he would back pedal and say how much he loved me, i'm his best friend, he could never divorce me, blah blah blah......
well he did.....so there are no guarantee's that he will stay with you.
this is an unhealthy relationship. please realize it and get out of it
Well I just read the first two lines of your last post Domsy and you said it right there.....Do I deserve any better? You yourself are not ready for a commitment. You are obviously having some self esteem issues that need to be addressed and having someone who isn't giving it their all, using you by guilt tripping you into feeling bad for them and various other acts of NON-kindness, just shows that you are willing to put up with the worst for a little sliver of something that might validate your feelings. Not good, girl! Not good at all.
My advice like RoseQuartz is to break it off. Be done, this weekend. Say good bye. And then say hello to your new life. The life that you want to live, not feel that you "might" deserve. The more confident you are about yourself the more confidence people will see in you. The better the person that will be attracted to you.
Trust me, I had to learn all of this the hard way. If you sit and feel like you do all the time and are constantly asking yourself why you deserve someone better, people can see that. That is what brings negative people into your life. There are some serious bad people in this world and all they do is prey on people who are so-called "weak." Toxic people SUCK!!!
Spend some time on yourself. You deserve it!!!
The Following User Says Thank You to freeqgirl For This Useful Post:
Hey thanks for asking!
Well believe it or not i am back head over heels with this guy. when i went to visit him we did so much together and made up big time. we were very lovey with eachother! but he had his moments. about 3 of the nights we were there. he looked through my phone and claimed i was a lesbian, he looked through my fb and shouted at me kept me up most of the night claiming i was a *****. the only thing he found on my fb was me corresponding to a guy innocently.
when we went out he was all over me. he has his arm around me alot and even putting his hand on my butt, which he never use to do in public i think he went for so long without showing the public he had a girl that when i came he wanted to "show off". there was no sign of another woman.
i do love him and want to help him. it seems he has a bit more faith in the relationship. he is always going over future plans.
while i was there also he went to the casino and complained of having no money. oh and he did embarrass me infront attendants at the casino when he lost his money he started to curse me.
honestly i am so tolerable to his behaviour i keep saying its not him who behaves this way, he cant control his emotions. i cant help the way i feel. i still want to be with him.
i need to make him come to realise though that he needs to be on medication.
thanks for your concern
any follow up would help