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Old 06-16-2013, 03:32 AM   #1
Join Date: Jun 2013
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Virgin514 HB User
Girlfriend raped as child, Need Advice


Firstly I (age 20) am in a very strong relationship with my girlfriend (18) (altho we live more than an hour drive apart)

We've been together for 3 months (known each other for 5 years) and within 1 week of us making our relationship girlfriend/boyfriend she told me that she had been raped (repetitively over the course of 5 years from the age of 7)
So there is a lot of scarring to repair, and I told her that 'I don't want to die a virgin but I'd rather die a virgin than lose you (her).' And I did mean that when I told her and I still mean it today.

We share a bed when we stay at each others place

So recently she told me that when we lay together in a particular way she felt aroused and she also told me that it's a new feeling for her and she has accosted it with being raped (I don't blame her) but now she doesn't want to lay with me in that way

She and I have spent the last two days texting/talking about it,

Now she just wants to get it over and done with but I honestly don't think that's right. In the mean time I've just agreed with her but I have told her that I still don't want to rush into it

I think that she might just be overwhelmed but this new feeling of arousal and she just doesn't know how to control/handle it. Because before the weekend in question (when she first felt it) she hated the thought of sex

Many thanks to anyone who has any advice.

Last edited by Virgin514; 06-18-2013 at 04:19 AM.

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Old 06-19-2013, 02:19 AM   #2
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lady6920 HB User
Re: Girlfriend raped as child, Need Advice

Well, try to persuade her & be gentle if she agrees to do it....However, it can be crucial point....But unfortunately, if she has PTSD ( Post traumatic stress disorder) you will not be able to help her. She needs to go through psychiatrists and etc. Did her abuser arrested? Or she hided it and got no treatment? If she did not get treatment, she 100% needs it... Otherwise, whole her life will be like this.

Old 06-19-2013, 05:41 AM   #3
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 4
Virgin514 HB User
Re: Girlfriend raped as child, Need Advice

Thanks khadija168

Yea as far as I'm awear she has had no psycological treatment

We agreed to end our discussion about it earlier today,

Essentially this is what we both feel and understand about it

Her heart wants it, but her body isn't ready
However my heart isn't ready because I know she's not ready, but my body is,

I asked her what she would do if she felt ready and she said "just do it"
I ended up having to briefly explain the process of foreplay, and she said she can't do that

She thinks that having consentual sex might change her opinion towards it

So at this stage we've decided that when I feel she's ready (or she "attempts" to do something sexual) I will just ask her.

I still don't think that this is right, but as far as the conversation is concerned its a compromise, she believes that if she says stop I will stop (but I don't trust myself to do that)

She says that she is more comfortable with me touching (not sexually) her body that she is herself

I love her, and the last thing I would want to do is make her hate herself more,

I'm fairly certain that her and I will talk about it in depth again before anything happens anyway, and I don't see the topic arising anytime soon. Wether on not i think she's ready I will still wait until after her life gets easier (there is a lot of bad stuff happening for her right now - as strong as she is I believe her when she says if she didn't have me she'd breakdown - I would go into details but that really would deserve a thread of its own)

The following hasn't got too much to do With the thread but if anyone's interested in or relationship keep reading

Our relationship isn't exactly 'normal' but it most definitely is stronger than most
We've only just started kissing each other even tho we've been dating for more that 3 months. She's done so much for me and she doesn't even realise it,

Last edited by Mod-S4; 08-10-2013 at 05:41 PM.

Old 06-19-2013, 05:48 AM   #4
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Posts: 35
lady6920 HB User
Re: Girlfriend raped as child, Need Advice

Good Luck Virgin514 & be careful.... It's really sensitive moment & you need to be strong and also careful with any movement u do toward her. I hope you will work it out together. If any news update)))) for we could be happy for you, guys....

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Virgin514 (06-19-2013)
Old 06-19-2013, 05:56 AM   #5
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 4
Virgin514 HB User
Re: Girlfriend raped as child, Need Advice

Thanks, if I remember I will update, I just want to do what is best for her.

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advice needed, girlfriend was raped

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