This is my first time posting, I started seeking out support not to long ago and found this site, I hope it helps to share. My partner (female) of 17 years suffers from depression, I also have my own demons to deal with. Anyway it is hard to share my feelings with friends, family etc...they are not going through what we are, they just do not understand plus I do not want everyone in our lives in our business.
It has been a long hard road these past 17 years and most times I feel completely alone. My partner fights her inner turmoil, keeps a lot of things from me so I do not worry...but I worry anyway. I sometimes feel though that she is soo wrapped up in what she is going through that I am left alone, not in the physical sense, but mentally, emotionally etc. My partner is not abusive, we rarely argue or fight, she is just inside herself, consumed by the past, not moving on. She has been in therapy for about 12 years now and on meds just as long, and though some things have gotten better, other things have not, and she has episodes where she reverts.
A lot of times I struggle with the loneliness, no affection, no understanding...I tell myself just deal with it but sometimes that is not easy to do. We had similar backgrounds, both abused sexually, her physically and mentally as well...both with parents who weren't always there..though I have worked through a lot of things she just seems stuck....our lives tend to revolve around her, how she is feeling, her moods, her introversion, we have few friends as she trust nobody, we rarely socialize, we live apart from our families, etc...sometimes, though I love her dearly, sometimes life is just really lonely and hard...anybody else feel like me?
Last edited by SadSpouse; 08-16-2013 at 02:30 PM.
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: SadSpouse MISHY119 (10-01-2013), Pookybunny (10-29-2013)
It's really hard. The loneliness is the hardest part. We have been married for 17 years. Most of the time I feel like the burden to hold our marriage together is all on my shoulders. I know that he loves me. I love him so much, but at his lowest, he is unreachable. He needed his meds adjusted at one time and we almost lost him. When he is in that state, I know the real person is still in there, I can see it in his eyes, but seems to be lost trying to get back to me...
The following user gives a hug of support to annbaumel: Pookybunny (10-29-2013)