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Old 10-19-2004, 11:18 PM   #1
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Lightbulb Adoption?

It's been a while since I've been on. I'm past the OHSS. I skipped one month of treatments and as soon as I start this month we'll try again.
We are thinking of adoption though. Has anyone adopted, been adopted, know anything about it and what to expect?
Best Wishes!

 
Old 10-20-2004, 08:28 AM   #2
S&J S&J is offline
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Re: Adoption?

Hi Chirp!

I would like to tell you that my brother and I were adopted. I was 5 and he was 3. I have never thought of anyone else as my parents. I love them sooooooooo much. We had a wonderful life growing up, and I still have a solid relationship with them...i only live 3 min away
I know we were older than what most people want when they adopt but we bonded right away!
So, I of course totally agree with adoption and loving them as your own!
Best Wishes!
S.

 
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Old 10-20-2004, 08:51 PM   #3
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Re: Adoption?

The most wonderful experience of my life (aside from becoming a born again Christian) was adopting our wonderful son. I couldn't possibly imagine that I could love a child any more than I have loved our son from the moment he came to us. We suffered with infertility and the terrible disappointment each month that we didn't conceive.

We went through the whole battery of infertility tests, only to be inconclusive. The doctor told us that we should just start all the tests over again. As we walked away from the fertility clinic, I asked my husband what he thought of adoption. And he said he would love to and actually always wanted to. I started calling agencies, and didn't get the answers I wanted. There was a very long waiting period. We finally found the right agency and everything fell into place (I don't know if I'm allowed to give the name of the agency). But it works with many foreign countries. And we adopted a baby (under 2 months old) from Korea within 10 months.

Our son has been our pride and joy every day that he's been with us. And he is almost 20 years old. He's always respected his birth mother for having the courage to give him up for adoption because of her circumstances. But he hasn't ever had a strong desire to find her. He is just satisfied with his life and knows he is loved with a passion.

I have absolutely no regrets. And what a wonderful feeling when you stop caring whether or not you ever get pregnant. I don't feel bad about that at all anymore.

The only difficulty in adoption is the expense. We were never able to afford to get a second child. Maybe God didn't want us to, because every time we considered adopting again, we had a little financial setback that would put it on the back burner. But there again, no regrets.

Anyway, I could go on and on singing the praises of adoption and how fun it was and how it changed our lives.

Best wishes to you and pray that you make the right decision.

 
Old 10-21-2004, 06:37 AM   #4
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Re: Adoption?

Summerlove- what a wonderful experience you had -- Thank You for sharing your story. My husband and I have also been battling with infertility, we have had 2 IUI's and 1 IVF w/ICSI all unsuccessful. We have also looked into adoption, but the cost is a bit overwhelming. I have a daughter (10 in Nov) who desperately wants a brother or sister. She hates being an only child even though we keep her extremely busy. I recently had a conversation with her when we found out IVF didn't work. I asked how she felt about it and if she thought she could love them enough even though they didn't share the same blood. Long story but she has been through some hard times due to her birth father. Anyway I also asked her if she would rather have an infant or someone alittle closer to her age. She opted for someone closer to her age. She seemed quite excited. I told her it was a lenghty process, but overall I believe my husband and I are going to explore the adoption option more. Once again that you for sharing your wonder experience.

 
Old 10-21-2004, 07:53 AM   #5
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Re: Adoption?

Hey Withinreach - Hope it works out for you. I hope you can work through the financial part of it. An older child sounds like a great fit for your family. They can come with some baggage, but it appears that you have dealt with that with your daughter (due to her birth father). I don't know where you are from, but in Oregon we have the state operated Children's Services division. Children become available due to being taken from their family. (this is where the baggage thing comes in) It would be tough, but you and your family can decide if you're up to it. My brother and his wife tried that, but the 10-year-old girl they got had been so terribly abused that she was unreachable. They had to give up on her. That's been almost 20 years ago and it's still a difficult subject for the whole family. So, just be open to the good and bad of every situation and pray for good decisions. I wish you all the best!!!

 
Old 10-24-2004, 04:27 PM   #6
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Re: Adoption?

My husband and I also adopted after learning about our infertility and it has been the happiest experience of my entire life. Our son is 2 and a half now and is the greatest joy in our lives. When we learned about adoption, we decided to not do ANY infertility treatment and go straight to adoption, because we only had enough money to do one or the other. For us, it was definately the best choice. My only regret is that we struggled with the idea for a year before moving forward. I WISH someone would have encouraged us to adopt sooner. It would have saved us so much heartache. Domestic adoption is a lot cheaper than foreign adoption. We paid about $7500 to adopt our first child and are hoping for a second, although prices have raised considerably and it is now about $12,000. Still, it's cheaper than most IVF/ICSI programs. And don't worry, you will love them as much, perhaps more, than you would a biological child. The bond is so strong and special. It's positively magical. Do consider it!

 
Old 10-24-2004, 05:09 PM   #7
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Re: Adoption?

Congratualtions Looksee! It is truly magical. You get so much support from everyone including perfect strangers! Foreign adoption is more expensive, but at the time we adopted, it was much quicker. Since we were 30-ish at the time, we didn't want to wait 10 years. I'm sure things have changed in the last 20 years, so maybe it won't take so long for a domestic adoption. Whatever you decide, that child is YOUR child as soon as you are assigned. We received a picture of our baby about 7 weeks before he arrived, and he was MINE at that moment. I worried about his health and how he was being treated every minute until he was in my arms. What a day that was!

 
Old 10-26-2004, 04:38 PM   #8
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Re: Adoption?

Summerlove,

That must have been so hard! I have a lot of friends who adopted overseas and they have said the same thing. We only waited a year for our son, but we have been waiting for baby #2 for over a year already. It's a little harder the second time. We might end up going overseas if nothing happens in the next year, so I might be looking to you for advice. Still, the hard part about domestic adoption is the birthmothers pick you, so it could happen tomorrow, in a year, or never. You're right about that. Thanks for your message.

 
Old 10-26-2004, 06:54 PM   #9
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Re: Adoption?

We couldn't imagine life without our precious, five year old adopted daughter. She came to us through the FL foster care system at birth. It was very stressful emotionally just because there was no permanence for a long time, but I would go through it all again in a minute! There was absolutely no cost involved. As a matter of fact, she gets a subsidy (something that really surprised us, just because she was drug exposed prenatally) and her college tuition is completely covered as long as she goes to a public college in our state!

You guys are in my prayers. I know you are facing a lot of major decisions right now.

Nancy

 
Old 10-26-2004, 08:33 PM   #10
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Re: Adoption?

Hey Looksee - I'd be more than happy to give you any encouragement you need. It's been a long time, so things have changed, but we sure had a great experience. Our social worker was very familiar with the foster family that our son was with during the "processing" period, and told us they had done it for a lot of the babies, so it helped a lot. But still, it was my baby and he was half a world away, so it was difficult. The nice thing about foreign adoptions is that when you get your child, there's almost no chance the birth mother will want contact or want to take the child back. My aunt and uncle adopted a baby girl years ago and had her for 6 months when the birth mother decided she was ready to have here baby back and they had to give her up. My uncle passed away a couple months ago at the age of 80 and the subject was still a difficult one for them. Anyway, wishing you all the best. Pray for the right decision

 
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